Tuesday 1 February 2000

The Autobiography of Sandy Dazley



      CHAPTER 1

                                                                                THIS WAS ME!  AGE 3 

 Now, you could say that I had a rough start in life, what with being diagnosed in what we used to call, Cerebral Palsy!  But now, everyone just sees this as partly disabled and nothing more!  Which I must say, I reckoned that I've handled myself pretty well, considering what else, I went through of growing up!

Because, let me tell you all, I wasn't born partly disabled!  Oh, no!  Why, all this had happened, while I was a small toddler, at the age of seven months old!  When my dad, for whom, I was so very close to, had placed me on his knee and discovered that I basically had one side from my body slightly shorter to the other side!

 In other words, he more than less, noticed first, that my right tiny hand was slightly shorter, then the left side!  So, after taking me to see the Specialist, well what both my parents had got told by the Specialist after examining their small little girl, was that the results had come out that I must have had an convulsion!  A convulsion, that showed in my tiny brain, that I had a small, but very tiny dried blood clot!  Which, was no need to worry, course as it was more like a pin prick!

Which, in English terms had meant, it was like a dot!  That's all!  A tiny dot, that indicated it was now just a tiny dead cell, that won't ever get worst!  But which had certainly coursed this to happen!

                                               THIS WAS ME!  AGE 4

Though, that didn't mean to say it was all over for me!  Because ever since then, this small child, meaning myself of course, had to keep having test after test!  Which, I can definitely say, had hated it!  And that was no joke!  Boy!  Did I sure hate it!

Because what I sure had to go through, half of my child-hood life, was going over to Birmingham, in an Ambulance!  An Ambulance, which I had always could remember of seeing my dad smiling away, at me, his loving daughter, to try and calm me down!  Course, we had to go to the Children's Birmingham Hospital, where I had to have and what they used to call an EEG!

                                     Me!  At 5 years of age!

Which, I can tell you all now, was very, very painful, coming from a four-year-old and quite scary!  Because, for what I can vaguely remember, was what I sure went through, all those terrifying experiences, was after arriving there with my dad and then, entered this hospital, well not only did I get truly scared, because of knowing what was about to happen to me yet again!  But for a four-year-old, I can honestly say, had wanted to run away! 

Because, no sooner then we had entered, well at the first, as we got closer and more closer to where we were about to go, all that we could hear was, cries and more cries from other children, that probably didn't want to be there either!  But, that didn't help me, you know!  Hearing all those other kids crying out, to their parents!  Even having to sit along with them all, while one of the nurses had called for me in!

Course, every single time, after being called in, what we noticed, was a that monitor!  A monitor, that looked-like it had thousands and thousands of long wires attached to it, in the far corner of the room!  With a single bed in the centre!  Which they always asked me first, to, "get up onto the bed now and lie down!  Then!  And only then!  They would asked my dad, "that would you mind spreading out your daughters hair, onto the pillow?  "So, we can attach these wires onto her head and hair!

Which was, after bringing this monitor so closer to where I was lying down, had placed all these long wires all over my small head of hair!  Always feeling like they placed a small bit of plaster upon my head of hair!  Then, who had always felt what seemed like a tiny prick, from a tiny needle, with a bit of glue at the tip of it!          
But whom, after they had always finished with me, well if you could just image ripping all those thousands of wires from a child's head of hair, which was spread out onto that pillow!  Being the hair was so long!  As, that's what they sure did to me!  Which, now you could certainly image what I went through, each time my dad had to took me there!  Hey!

 Course, for each time, it was like excruciating, toucher for me!  And that was no joke!  Giving that I was only four years of age, and always dreading when they had finished with me!  Because of truly feeling each of those bloody wires, that was all attached over my small head that had her long hair, spreaded out onto the pillow, had to be yanked from me!  Like they didn't care how they did it!  Because of really needing all those wires now, straight off from my hurtful head!

Which, I can sure tell you, did I cry like hell!  And I do mean, that I cried like hell, while looking at my dad!  For what I can only say now, had certainly felt for what I went through each time, then!  But for whom, couldn't do a thing for his little girl, course, for each time they had pulled them off!  Well, boy!  For each time they were actually doing this to me, it was honesty like tearing my hair from it!  Which, I also, had felt that awful sticky glue-like that was attached to each of those small tiny plasters all around my poor head of hair!

But, because of all this!  I had to start taking medications!  Because, every since I can remember then, well, at times I was having miner fits!  Not bad ones!  But a very rare and miner ones!  That one in a million had, coming from our doctor!  But, who whenever this happened to me, got herself so scared!  Because just image, seeing a small tiny red light at the corner from your right eye, as a child!  Then, noticing your left eye going straight across for just a few minutes?  Hey!  Which had seemed to make you always feel a fit was always coming, which, can occur at any time!  Would make anyone scared as I had always felt! 

 Because, that's what happened!  For each time I first, had felt myself sick!  But whom, not being sick!  Just feeling herself sick!  Then, for whom, this fit reappears!  Which, can sure occur at any flaming time to anyone that goes through this!  But for whom, as worst fits, then I did, those many, many years ago!  But, who still does!  Because, without my medication, that the doctors had told my parents then, "that Sandy as to take this for her rest of her life!  Well, I would probably still have fits like that!

 Now, back then, because of being really scared of taking tables, I was always taking medicine!  Medicine in which was an horrible course, of the taste!  Which was very, very sugary and oh so very sweet!  Which not only tasted so sickie!  But seeing the colour of it, which was red!  Which, I'm sure for any child, who had to take this, wouldn't be surprise if they had wanted to throw up!  As for me!  Well, I just couldn't stand the taste of it!  Course, it was gross!  Really!  It was!  It was gross!  As I also, wouldn't surprise myself of feeling like throwing-up!

 But, getting back to each time, still as a small child, of having to go to Birmingham Children's Hospital again, and again!  Along with my dad, who I truly idealised so very dearly, being so closer to him, more then my mum and older sister, Anna!  For who is six year-older then myself!  Which, I had always got along with then!  But no more!  As, this I'll tell you more about why, later on! 

 Because, way back then, I was always being pick on!  Picked on in the sense of being bullied!  No sooner then I started going to the first School called, St, George's!  And bullied it was, by not only children!  Because, of the way my right hand!  But, how those parents, from all those children had seriously, told the teachers, "lock her away!  Away, from all our children, while playing in the play-ground!  Course, my first school had a small outsider part, that was separated from the play-ground!  Because, of really thinking, they didn't want their children to catch anything from me!  Which, none of them couldn't!   

 Which, in fact, was not so far to where I went to before, turning five years-old either!  Yes!  That's right!  St, George's First School wasn't even so far to the Nursery that this girl had also, went to!  Which was the most happy times, that I can remember!  Expect, that is!  Remembering, this one teacher, whose name was Mrs Williams, that twice, had slapped my small face so hard, for just helping another little girl, when it had always came to our lunch-time!  That had sadly had more difficulties, then myself had!  Which was, one of her arms, had seemed to look-like it was a rubbery plastic!  Rubbery!  But plastic, which seeing a tiny metal thing that was attached to the tip of it!  Then, who had noticed, she had two small, but what had looked like two smaller metal hooks, that really reminded this little girl, of a fork!  A fork, that could have looked-like a small garden fork, at the end of it!

 Course, just image trying to cut something up or anything with having a arm like that?  Hey!  At least with me!  I did have two hands, even though, I did have problems myself for cutting things up!  I sure didn't want to see Lizzy, which was this girls name to be bullied or told off by anyone or some teacher like that Mrs Williams had, with me!  As for those happy times!  Well, it was so funny in away, because oh brother!  Could I remember in having not one or two little small lads liking me!  But I five!  Yes!  That's correct!  Five little boys had truly liked me!  And one of them, was even that Mrs Williams son!  For whom, had always had liked to hang around me, if he could!  Only, being the son, of that evil witch, aka Mrs flaming Williams, well she wouldn't have it! 

 As, there were, Patrick, Martin, Christopher, Neil and little Nicky!  For who I always, got told by my mum, "Nicky had always liked you Sandy!  Because, as she added, "his mum, who told me, Nicky just can't wait to go to the Nursery each day, because of seeing you, Sandy!

                          This was Nicky, from that Nursery!

 Which was so nice to hear!  I mean, me!  Who was always being picked on, at times even then, course, who knows it could have been partly down to my disability!  As what I can remember of that Nicky from the Nursery, was that this little boy was blonde with lovely deep blue eyes and a lovely smile!  Why!  Even now, I can't believe that I've kept that old photograph, of while we were all there, at the Nursery!  Along, with all those teachers that was also, there on the top row!  Which, sadly had included her, Mrs Williams!  That horrible teacher, that I could only describe her, as a witch!  A witch, that slapped me twice!  With long dark brown hair that is standing at the far right of the back of this old photograph!
Wherein a purply flowerily top!  And a purple long skirt! 

                             THE NURSEARY WHERE I WAS

 Why!  I can even remember this one time, after coming from Birmingham Children's Hospital with my dad, had spotted while we were on the back, had noticed an unusual sit in  ride!  That was shaped like one of those scary Daleks, from the Dr Who series!  And boy!  As a small little girl, who was dressed in what looked-like a light brown leather coat and cap, couldn't help herself to tell her dad, "oh!  "Look dad!  Which, probably, part of me was only intrigued of going inside of it!  But the other, I can say, was not!  

 Course, of not wanting to go in alone!  Weather my dad right there, saying, with a smile upon his face, "I'll be just outside Sandy!  "Don't worry!  "I'll be just outside!  Because of the reason why, this little girl wasn't sure of not going in this large ride-like, shaped like a Dalek, on my own!  Was that, I knew!  Even though, I was a small child, what those scary Daleks would only come out with!  And that was, hearing what sounded like a robotic voice!  A more scary robotic voice that no one had probably heard of!  Because as you  know, all that Daleks would come out with, while hovering rounding slowing was,  Exterminate!

 Which, you could only image what was going through this little girls tiny mind!  Because of the way I had remembered in those old Dr Who series!  That had Jon Pertwee really, had played the Dr!  Course, for me!  Jon Pertwee was the best one from the lot!  And as for watching the Daleks entering, as they do!  Then, hearing them just say, over and over again, "Exterminate!  Could only describe it was really fucking scary!  Truly, it was!  Which was probably why I wasn't sure, as a child, of going into this, what had looked a scary ride, shaped as the Dalek!  Even if my dad was just outside of it!  Course, something had told me, that if I entered, well what was going to happen!  And happen when my dad would place the coin into it, to start it up!  Maybe, I was a little intrigue, even as a child!  But, come on!  This was still a ride for all children to go in and enjoy, way back then!  Then, those rides we now see around! 

 Anyway, after going in side of it and watched my dads hand had slowly opened a bit of this long red certain, to place the coin inside the slot of this ride!  That I heard a very, very loud sound coming from this terrifying ride, which was "Exterminate!  Which what happened next!  Was remembering how I truly shot straight out from that bloody ride, which when I had, had noticed my dads face, as it was killing himself with laughter!  Because really!  Of seeing his little girl shooting out from this Dalek-ride, after it started!  But, whenever we had came across any of the old photo-booth, well I can tell you, as a small child I had so wanted to go in one!  And go in, I did!  With my dad, for who I was so very, very close to!  Even though, now, he had sadly passed away, I can honesty say, I still feel very much closer to him!  As if I still got that bond, that we once had!  Oh!  How I love my dad so very much!  

But the only two people that did not like this, of while I was a little girl, was my mother and sister, Anna!  And why, you may say!  Well, I certainly reckoned it was that they were so alike one another!  As our mother had came from Italy, where a lot of them, had no sense of humour!  And weather her parents had acted strict with her, well, that could have been why, she had turned out the way she had!  An old battle-axe!  Who once again, had very much no sense of humour!  Why!  Would you believe if I told you that she hadn't even showed me no affection or love!    

 Course, what I truly felt growing up, was that she had showed more love for my sister, Anna then she had with me!  Probably, as she was her first child!  Or it was probably that Anna had reminded her, as part of her family from Italy!  As I'm sure my dad would say, like The Italian Mob!  Or like the Mafia!!!   Because, I was more like dad in so many, many ways!  Who when I was a young child, was known as her daddy little girl!  Which, was having a funny sense of humour!  Joking and laughing with him!  Why!  It was the age of just four years old, that my dad had given me that nick-name of dazzlepops!  Like himself, as a small boy was given a nick-name by his Ma!  My Nan!  Which was Bobbydazzler!     


 So, once again, it sure wasn't easy for me while I was at the first School!  Because of how all those nasty kids was picking on me!  And picking me they had, by calling me so many nasty names!  Not to mention, that once, two nasty children, not naming any of names, but who I'm sure probably knows who they maybe, read this, decided to bully me!  Bully me!  As in the one, had decided to kick my little nose!  But as for getting back to those who called me so nasty names, as a child, well one of those names, was, a Mongol!  Yes!  You heard right!  They had called me, a Mongol!  Which, I can tell you, as a little girl had some what believed it!  Course, of really having thoughts, why, am I then!  

Then, while I was with my dad, this one bright day in Sainsbury's, up Town, I looked up at my dad and asked, "am I a Mongol daddy?  "Am I?  Which while looking down at me, as he had done, replied,  "why, no your not Sandy!  "No!  "what made you say that!  So, as I had felt a better, had told my dad, "it was kids from School that said this to me!  Which with that, my dad said to me "Why!  "Take no notice Sandy!     
 Anyway, like I had already mentioned, my mother, who was Italian, that came over from from Naples!  Naples, which was a small part of Italy hadn't made out that she didn't show any signs of love or affection for me!  As it was more my father, that had!  And that's why, ever since I could remember, had felt that I was more closer to my him, then my mother had been!  Which I have to confess, don't think I loved her, because of how she had some times treated my dad!  Let alone myself while growing up!    

 But, what would you expect!  Having a father that had came from South Shields County Durham which was a place up North near Scotland!  Because, how would I know that my dad had came from Country Durham!  Well, it was when I suddenly heard my dad talking over the phone, to his brother one New Years Eve!  That his voice had suddenly changed!  Changed, in what I had thought then, bloody hell, dad!  What's going on with your voice!  Course, first of all!  This very young girl had sure didn't know that her dad did have a brother!  And secondly, hearing him change his voice to what I really had thought was so funny!

 Why!  It was even more funnier, when I knew that my Uncle, Uncle Jimmy was about to come over to visit us!  And why!  Shall I say!  Well, no sooner did they arrived, that after meeting my my Uncle for the very first time, did I felt spooked by how he looked!  Course, after looking at him closely, then at my dad, that as a young girl, did I thought, wow!  Don't you look the spitting image dad!  And that's no mistake!  Why!  Well, he could have been a twin! that's why! But he wasn't!  As he was just a brother! 

 But, while they were all there, all chatting away and laughing, well once again, this young girl just could not help feeling like she was the "Flower pot," from an old children programme called, Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  With this Sun Flower in it's pot, in the middle of them, going back and forth!  Like it was trying to get away from Bin and Ben!  Course, all they had kept on saying was, "flop-a dob-dob over and over again and again!  So, after hearing both my dad and uncle talking away, as they did!  And laughing, in this unknown strange accent!  Which I didn't know!  Well, being like my dads daughter, with a sense of humour, had made this girl think to herself of Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  

 Because of how they truly sounded!  Really strange!  And very funny!  Course, of how I had never knew my dad had this accent!  Which, even though, I made out then, think of Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  While I had always saw myself, like that bloody Flower being stuck in the middle of these Flower Pot Men had, going flop-a-dob-dob!  Over and over again and again!  Course like that flower, in that old children programme couldn't fucking get away from them!  Why! I had also, kept on saying, "you're got a swingy voice!   Yes!  A swingy voice, because by god!  Every time I heard that accent, something inside of me had made me laugh so!  As it took me back to when I was a baby and what was my first blooming word were!  Which, wasn't mama!  Or dada!  Like normal ficking babies do!  Oh no!  But, simply, coming out with, "Gaga! Gaga! "Goo!  "Goo!  Every time I opened my mouth!

 Which, what I'm trying to say was!  Did I know this!  That deep, deep, deep down even then, that I was going to be more like my dad!  Funny!  Because, of really looking back now!  No babies would have actually, come out with, Gaga! Gaga!  Bloody Goo!  Goo!  Now, would they!  No!  They would not!  Which, was after I heard my dads voice had changed over the phone, to how I describe a swingy voice to my Uncle Jimmy!  And who was going to be both like "Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  With me!  As the little bloody Weed in the centre of them, of course!  Especially, when I first meet my darling Uncle!  



But really growing-up, was not easy at all!  Because of Anna!  Who, as a very young girl, had truly thought that we were close in some ways also!  Because of how Anna had used to helped me out in any certain matters, if I needed it, while growing up! being bullied constantly at School and even felt at home that I was like the black sheep of the family, by my own sister, Anna!   Who is six years older then myself!  But maybe it was through pure jealousy because I had more attention from my parents, then she probably had!  As, well as things!  Because of how I went through!  Plus, my disability, with the weakness to my right side!  As, well as, Anna weren't just the one, that did seemed to be more popular with guys, when she came out to join the rest of those Teddy-Boys!       

 Because down the road, at number 74 St, George's there had lived a family!  A lovely family that had two sons and a daughter!  Who the older son was called, Gary!  Gary Slade!  But who as child, couldn't help making me think that every time I saw him, had looked-like Tin-Tin!  From, The Adventures of Tin-Tin!  Because of the way, his hair was just like how that cartoon character of him was so alike! With his hair as a light ginger look with the front part as a little flick going upwards!  

 And who had friends that used to hang around near to the round-about, with some of the girls that my sister also knew, and hang out with them!  But, what's more!  Those guys, that was friends with Gary was mostly all proper Teddy-boys!  With their Quiff that had always reminded myself of a Chickens ass!  Or!  Or a Turkeys ass!  As, for their De-Ana, at the back of their hair, well it had always looked-like a Ducks ass!  Because of how they had always used to comb their slick hairs back!  By sweeping their comb, backwards!  Thinking to themselves, of how cool they were!  And cool they sure were!

 Especially, when I had always noticed them all, hanging around the round-about, where I still live from this day onwards, chatting away to each other!  But who while noticing theses good-looking Teddy-boys, who I sure couldn't help having certain crushes over with!  Crushes, that only occurred when as a small young girl had saw, not one!  But two Teddy-boys named Jamie, with his mousy but, light brown hair around the rest of gang!  And then, seeing Kevin Moore reappearing!  As, he comes waltzing down the smaller road, with his beautiful blonde hair, deep blue eyes and that lovely smile that I remember!     

 Oh yes!  Did I really thought, Kevin Moore was a right looker!  As well as Jamie don't forget!  Though, I'm not saying that the rest of Gary's friends weren't to bad!  As, in their looks, because back then, I sure noticed all of those other Teddy-Boys that was hanging around the round-about!  As, there were Gary of course, Jamie, Kevin, Neil Poole and Wayne Davies!  For who my sister Anna had went out with him!

 Only, the funny thing was, for every time that she wanted to take him into the out away, from our parents that had always used the back room as more as the living-room!  And so, took him into our front-room, for like having a bit of privacy!  Well, little muggins here, had always, always crash in on them both, which every time I had done this to them!  Well, it wasn't Wayne that minded!  But my sister!  Course, having a funny sense of humour like my dad had!  Had always kept going onto Wayne's lap and saying, "your my boyfriend!  Over and over!  But who at the same time, had thought, do you know that looks-like either, a Chickens ass!  Or a Turkey ass!  Which, I was referring to his Quiff, that like all Teddy-Boys had was at the front of his head!

Though, saying all this!  About what I kept on doing every time Anna had brought Wayne on into our front-room away from our parents!  Well, once again, when my sister had yet, had another boyfriend!  And who tried to being them on into the from, well this very young girl just couldn't help herself by doing the same!  By opening the front-door!  And yes!  Opened the door and wondered straight in, from our back-room with a smile upon my face!  Course, like Wayne was!  But who was not a Teddy-boy!  Paul who was his name, had thought then and there, boy! aren't you cute!  And cute he was!  With his fairly light brownish hair, slightly down to his neck!  And who I saw, had a nice smile!  Wondered into the front-room and sat on his knee saying once again, "you're my boyfriend!  Which all he gave was a little smile!  Needless to say, of what my sister had looked, while doing so!  Course, like how I was, those many, many years ago, when I came barging into the front-room as I did and just sat onto Wayne's knee, didn't like that what I did!  But, who I just couldn't help it!



Anyway, first of all!   Would you believe each Saturday Morning, I would always use to watch a series called, "The Six  Million Dollar Man!  It starred, Lee Majors, as an Astronaut who's mission had went so horribly wrong!  Which, left him, "Col Steve Austin" aka Lee Majors with six million dollars of special parts to the replace the damage that was!  And that was, both of his legs!  His right arm and his right eye!

 So, every Saturday morning, I would always go straight in front of our TV with my knees crossed, while waiting for my programme to start!  And each time it came on, all I can remember was, it started, sumat like, "Steve Austin,  astronaut!  "A man barely alive."  "We can rebuild him."  "We have the technology."  "We have the capability Steve Austin will be that man!  "Better than he was!  "Better, stronger and faster!  Which, then the music to that series had started, was something like, da!  Da!  Da! Da!  Da!  Da!  Da! Da!  Da!  Da!  La!  La!  La!  La!  Well, it was sumat like that!  Which, at time what I can remember, was kissing our TV saying oh Stevie!  Which, looking back now, thinks I must have been on something!  As, in saying to myself, ha! De! Ha!  Ha!  Because come on!  I seriously, don't think any child, like myself those many years back, would actually kiss the flaming TV screen!  So, yes!  I would have to agree, I was an idiot!

 But that wasn't the only daft and stupid thing may I add, that I had gone and done!  Because as years gone by and girls had comics of their own, which then, was called Look-In!  Well, because really it was for us all younger generation, it had either many different pop groups inside like a cartoon!  As, well as some poster in the middle!  Which, at times had discovered there right in the middle was my Stevie!  Which, as a young girl had pinned one poster from that comic, above my bed!  So!  Only, don't laugh!  But for each night, that I had this poster of Steve Austin aka Lee Major above my bed, well I would always, always before going inside of my bed, jump up to this poster and kiss Steve goodnight!  By saying, "nighty night Stevie!

 Which, really looking back, it's no wonder I see myself as scaring all the guys away!  Not because of how I was in my past from always being bullied of course!  Why, hell no!  It was just I don't see myself desperate!  Or just say to myself, if I saw someone that I thought was nice, I want you!  For I was always a very shy girl, who because of being picked on or even bullied from School, had always brought upon herself to like Actors!  Actors, who was from different series once again!  Including, may I add, after listening to the old group, Bay City Rollers, then, shortly after, it was Showaddywaddy with who Dave Bartram was their lead singer!  And who this very young girl had started to adore, because of the way I always saw him smile!  While was always knocking out!  As, he had the most loveliest smile, that I ever did see from anyone around, in any pop group!  


 Now, as you know, when I was very young it had seemed that I had got along with my so-called, sister Anna!  Who would do anything for me, if I had needed her support-like!  As, she knew more then, our parents really, that I was being picked on around our area, from where we were living at the time!  Not to mention, certain things from what went on while I was at the first school and second!  Even though, while I had my moments, from either, being poorly or that I was bullied at those two schools, would you believe as a child had acted as if I was sick!

 But that was only if I was bullied by all those nasty, vile children that had thought 'it was okay!  'Ok!  At the time, 'to pick on me!  And call me names, course of being partly disabled!  Which, I was not born with once again!  So, as I had this problem, with all those other kids, the only solution was to pretend to be poorly!  Poorly!  So, that after notifying any of the teachers if they could call my mum so, she could collect me!  Because, I just didn't like staying in school, while knowing "at some point," when break had always came, that some bullies would start picking on me!  Which, would always happen!  And because I was honestly closer to my sister way back then, she would always stood up for me!


 Though, saying that I was so closer to my sister Anna then, had all changed!  But before, I'll tell you why!  Well let's just say, that every time Anna had a boyfriend, a different boyfriend, that is, well that stupid, unthinkable sister of mine, would each time blame her boyfriend that once was, if she had felt, we've broken-up!  As, well as pulling a bloody drama Queen act to make out, it was all their fault for them breaking-up!  Their fault and not hers also! So, just how pathetic that was though!  To only blame the guy that she was always with!  Yet, not taking part of the blame for herself!  

 Course, being the oldest sister, anyone in their right mind, wouldn't crouch-up like and act like a complete drama Queen crying out loud, "me and so-so have broken-up!  Then, making out, in front of your families, was crying, by covering their puffy red-like eyes, so no one can actually, see their face!  Like how Anna truly always did, if  anyone she was with hadn't worked out!  Because, as her only sister!  As, well as, being partly disabled, knows full well that if anyone is with someone and I do mean, with someone!  But who's relationship didn't work out, well you just wouldn't blame all on the guy!  As, it takes two!  Not one!  Two, to make any relationship work, once again!  So, god knows what my flaming vile, repulsive, nasty sister was really trying to make out to every one around her!  Because as she probably thought to herself, we're so thick!  But saying this, well this hadn't included her friends-like!  Course, they had probably wanted to say to her,  "Aww!  "I'm so sorry Anna about what he did that!  

 Course, for every single bloody time that her relationship hadn't worked out, as well as blaming it all on him!  Well as her only sister, could see right through her!  But I can't answer that for my parents!  Because who knew what they had truly thought about it!  Especially, that Mafia mother!  That I could even see her as more like, "The Godmother from hell!  Being a right proper Italian!  Who before, she passed away, had thought the world of that sister of mine!  But honestly!  Because of how my sister as now turned out to be a right bitter, twisted old hag since marrying this tall, but lanky guy, who's hair is short, but like a flirty, matty blonde!   And who wore small glasses!  Well if I can remember, she  meet this grease-ball creature from hell, through work!  And who I can tell you, after meeting him for the first, not just made my skin crawl!  But who sure wanted to puke!  And I truly mean, who so wanted to puke!  As, in vomit!

  Even my dad had slightly later, had realised the true identity behind that trash!  Course, he was and still is, a complete fucking Control Creep!  Oh yes!  For this Giza, was one hell of a "fucking Control Creep," that slowly and slowly twisted my sisters mind around on me!   Why!  I even can say, "Mr. Dean Kelly" who that's his name, looks more like a filthy, rotten Creature from a bottomless Black Pit!  Oh yes!  He really looks more like a piece of filth that shouldn't be around!  As, for her now!  Well I could only describe my sister Anna as, "the evil, vile witch!  Who's just is a piece of dead flesh, rotting away, to me which I sure hope so!  

 Because of how, since she married that "scum-bag, filthy creature" of a husband Dean, had stolen all my child-hood memory toys, plus others from me while I weren't in!  Then, still maybe unfortunately, could be still alive!  Alive but who's hiding her flesh away, from all of us!  Including that scum-bag of her husband Dean!  Which, surely should have known from the start, of what I truly had thought of that bloody creep of hers!  Then, pretending to say, as being sarcastic, "oh I like him!  Yet, as for my dad!  Well as I was more closer to him then, that foul, old, miserable hag, that was once a mum!  Course, of being like my dad, then that old Italian Mafia!  I really hate to admit it, but I did not care for her!  Or have any feelings, what so ever!  And why!  Well, it was all down to how she had really treated my dad!  Yes!  My dad who I honestly loved!  And still do!  Even though, he may not be here, course he sadly died in 2008!  

 Which, was a very tuff time for me!  I really love my dad!  Because firstly!  for having someone, way back then had truly started having those romantic feelings for!  But who had sadly left my work!  Which boy!  Did I take it very hard to cope with!  Very hard indeed!  Because as I was really starting to love someone so real, then of how I once did!  Which, was allowing myself to believe in herself that I loved any Actors from different series!  Only around then, my dad was still very much alive!  Even though, it was shortly after, he was diagnose in having Cancer!  He was still very much around!   Only, after finding out this person was leaving, well it was only then, that I shortly discovered my dad was diagnose with having Cancer!  Which, I can definitely say had felt my heart was truly broken!  

 Course, of thinking I'm going to lose my dad now!  Who only really knew of how I truly felt for Steve, that had left my work shortly after I found out about my dad condition!  As, all he had kept on trying to tell me was, "even though, what they did Sandy, was so wrong," "well there as to be a good reason, of why they did that to you!  "As, well as, why him, then, anyone else!  "Tell me that!  "Why, him?  Which, I still didn't know being a little confuse!  But if I can recall, my dad did meet Steve, the once, while, walking along side by side with that Mafia of mine, that had called herself my mum!  And who wanted to stop at my old work-place, that was called d2 to just say hi to their daughter!  

 Which, while they had!  Had totally remembered that old hag of what was my mother had cried out, just a few yards to the entrance of my work to Steve!  Who even though, he was only at the till, at that time, had embarrassed me!  By crying out Andy's name instead!  By yelling out, "hello Andy!  When she perfectly knew already what Andy had looked-like!  Because as she had once meet Andy a couple of times beforehand!  As, Andy was the Manager then!  And who I had thought, when I first meet him was nice, but Andy had somehow reminded this girl as that funny Actor that starred in "Father Ted" as Father Dougal Mcguire!  Honestly he did!   There was just something there that made me thought of "Ardal O' Hanlon" only Andy really looked-like he was short!  Short, then rather a tall guy!  

 But as I loved my dad so much, like I still very much do, well all I can say was, maybe he was just trying to tell me of this, course of possibly trying to make me feel a little bit better in myself!  I mean, as I totally didn't know why, they had wanted to play upon my feelings as they all had, including Steve!  But now, I totally think of them, as a bunch of "Barstards!  Yes!  "Barstards!  But, can I include him!  Well can I?  As, the answer is no!  Because even though, I've got older and wiser in my old age, let's say, well still can't say anything about you know who!  Who stupidly, does probably still think very fondly of him!  Even though, he's got his own life now!  Call me mad!  But I do very much, think fondly of Steve!  

 But getting back to when my beloved dad, my dad who had really told me, "even though what they all did this was wrong," "well there as to be a good reason, of why they did do this to you!  "As, well as, as he continued, "yet, why, was it him?  "Because they could have chosen someone else, besides this person, to play upon your emotions with!  Which, was true!  My darling, dad had said all this to me then!  But as it wasn't anyone else, but only Steve that those flaming "Muppets" from where I once worked at, had truly played upon my feelings for him!  Well even so!  All I could basically think of at that time was, it was still so cruel to do that to me!         






Wednesday 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 1


"Oh Boy!  "Who's that?"


           PLAYING GAMES

                                                                  CHAPTER 1

           "HELLO! "WHO'S HE?"

 The first time I met him was when I walked into my work!  And even though, our eyes didn’t meet, something had told me how was this tall, dark hair, mysterious stranger was going to start something off, in my so-crazy life?  But how!  All I do know was, when I had walked into work that day and noticed this guy, "and may I add," had looked so adorable!  Leaning against a table with his arms folded, looking like he was in a little world of his own, while Deek, who was the Manager was at the till.  

 Who I secretly thought, that he looked a bit like that Actor, Ardal O' Halon, when he  played that character of Father Dougal McGuire from that old, bet what was a well known hit, comedy series of Father Ted!  But who was slightly shorter, with brownish hair, showing some pozy, tall, but ever so plain, lanky girl something on the till!  While I still couldn't help myself, from noticing that guy, from the corner of my eye!  That was learning against that big table, near to the entrance!  And wondered, oh, he seems really nice to myself.  

 But saying that, well only time will tell!  Oh yes!  Only, time will tell, if that guy was going to be nice or not!  As, for myself well, being a shy person as I am, wouldn't have thought for one moment then, that anyone like him, would bring my shyness above the surface, like I was when I was must younger!  Because of wondering when I looked at him, he's nice!  But, still who couldn’t seem to bring myself to go up to them, let alone speak to them.  

 Though, while coming back out, from where I got myself already for my shift, was told by our Deputy Manager, Faz, "that we’ve now have two new people starting today," "the one, who's with Deek, is called Liz, and the other, is Matt!  For who must have been him, that I noticed just leaning against that table!  With his arms still folded and looking slightly down, because as there weren't anyone else around, when I had came wondering back out, from our staff-room with Fazz! 

 Only, if you must know, seeing him as I did, had told yours truly, not to look at him!  Even after I went up to this new girl Liz, so that I could introduce myself to her, just still couldn’t exactly look up at this quite good-looking guy!  Not to mention, as I was walking past him so I could try and make way, towards the fitting-rooms, had still told myself not to turn around and look at this guy!  But who which, had definitely brought a slight smile upon this girls face for sure, while I entered the fitting-room, hiding myself around the corner.  

 As, it was only then, that I decided to look at him, because of knowing no one could see me!  Which once again, was how I met this so-called mysterious, slightly, gorgeous and yes!  For who was extremely sexy also, after I had wondered in on that day!  And even after knowing that he was going to be a member, that was he how was he going to start something off in my so-called crazy life?  Because, for one!  It was him that truly brought this girls smile right back upon her face, since her own Manager had got stitch up, right good and proper, by those that was in-change above of the place.  Total Barstards!  

 Which of course had meant, it was only him!  Him, that each time had made me laugh and smile at the same time!  But who I didn’t realise at the time, that I would end up falling, madly in love with him!  And even though, we did seem to get along like just good friends well unfortunately, for me it didn't take that long to realise that they were now starting to be a bit funny with me!  As, in not in like, ha-de-ha-ha!  But, how they were now all seem to be joining in together-like, as like a bunch of flaming idiots, to try to make it harder for me for not being a friend with Matt.  

 Especially, shortly after Fazz had decided to leave us, because of making me wonder that maybe, it was for the best, that me and Matt was not friend’s.  Not because I wanted to!  No!  But, how they truly made it harder for me to continue of trying to be a really good friend with him.  Only, all this as I said, didn’t really happen until, Fazz had decided to leave because what I can vaguely remember was just before he had, well what I noticed was Matt did still showed signs of his funny sense of humour around me!  Which I liked a lot!  Which I've got to admit, was nice to see!  As, well as, he seemed to act like he really cared of what I thought of him for maybe, wanting to go for Fazzs' job, as Deputy Manager job!  Because, all he kept on saying was, “would you mind so much Sandy, if I went for Fazzs' job?"  Over and over again!

 *And even though, that was then, and this is now, sixteen years on, since Matt had left our work.  Well, as for myself, it's been really more like fifteen years on, since those feelings of mine for Matt had started to experience.  Because as this was around the time, we all had been made redundant in January 2012.  And I can definitely say that, that experience of my feelings over Matt, as still not changed one bit!  Probably even more so now, then ever before, because what I liked about him in the first place, was how he had first acted all stupid-like, while he was around me, then, it was around the others!  As well as, making me thinking to myself, he could have been slightly shy.  But sadly again for me, at the same time, how he had always singled me out as well as, no matter how he treated me at times, just still couldn’t help myself from liking him even more then ever, because of those times that he really made me laugh, which was really nice for me to see!