Tuesday, 1 February 2000

The Autobiography of Sandy Dazley



      CHAPTER 1

                                                                                THIS WAS ME!  AGE 3 

 Now, you could say that I had a rough start in life, what with being diagnosed in what we used to call, Cerebral Palsy!  But now, everyone just sees this as partly disabled and nothing more!  Which I must say, I reckoned that I've handled myself pretty well, considering what else, I went through of growing up!

Because, let me tell you all, I wasn't born partly disabled!  Oh, no!  Why, all this had happened, while I was a small toddler, at the age of seven months old!  When my dad, for whom, I was so very close to, had placed me on his knee and discovered that I basically had one side from my body slightly shorter to the other side!

In other words, he more than less, noticed first, that my right tiny hand was slightly shorter, then the left side!  So, after taking me to see the Specialist, well what both my parents had got told by the Specialist after examining their small little girl, was that the results had come out that I must have had an convulsion!  A convulsion, that showed in my tiny brain, that I had a small, but very tiny dried blood clot!  Which, was no need to worry, course as it was more like a pin prick!

Which, in English terms had meant, it was like a dot!  That's all!  A tiny dot, that indicated it was now just a tiny dead cell, that won't ever get worst!  But which had certainly coursed this to happen!

                                               THIS WAS ME!  AGE 4

Though, that didn't mean to say it was all over for me!  Because ever since then, this small child, meaning myself of course, had to keep having test after test!  Which, I can definitely say, had hated it!  And that was no joke!  Boy!  Did I sure hate it!

Because what I sure had to go through, half of my child-hood life, was going over to Birmingham, in an Ambulance!  An Ambulance, which I had always could remember of seeing my dad smiling away, at me, his loving daughter, to try and calm me down!  Course, we had to go to the Children's Birmingham Hospital, where I had to have and what they used to call an EEG!

                                     Me!  At 5 years of age!

Which, I can tell you all now, was very, very painful, coming from a four-year-old and quite scary!  Because, for what I can vaguely remember, was what I sure went through, all those terrifying experiences, was after arriving there with my dad and then, entered this hospital, well not only did I get truly scared, because of knowing what was about to happen to me yet again!  But for a four-year-old, I can honestly say, had wanted to run away! 

Because, no sooner then we had entered, well at the first, as we got closer and more closer to where we were about to go, all that we could hear was, cries and more cries from other children, that probably didn't want to be there either!  But, that didn't help me, you know!  Hearing all those other kids crying out, to their parents!  Even having to sit along with them all, while one of the nurses had called for me in!

Course, every single time, after being called in, what we noticed, was a that monitor!  A monitor, that looked-like it had thousands and thousands of long wires attached to it, in the far corner of the room!  With a single bed in the centre!  Which they always asked me first, to, "get up onto the bed now and lie down!  Then!  And only then!  They would asked my dad, "that would you mind spreading out your daughters hair, onto the pillow?  "So, we can attach these wires onto her head and hair!

Which was, after bringing this monitor so closer to where I was lying down, had placed all these long wires all over my small head of hair!  Always feeling like they placed a small bit of plaster upon my head of hair!  Then, who had always felt what seemed like a tiny prick, from a tiny needle, with a bit of glue at the tip of it!          
But whom, after they had always finished with me, well if you could just image ripping all those thousands of wires from a child's head of hair, which was spread out onto that pillow!  Being the hair was so long!  As, that's what they sure did to me!  Which, now you could certainly image what I went through, each time my dad had to took me there!  Hey!

 Course, for each time, it was like excruciating, toucher for me!  And that was no joke!  Giving that I was only four years of age, and always dreading when they had finished with me!  Because of truly feeling each of those bloody wires, that was all attached over my small head that had her long hair, spreaded out onto the pillow, had to be yanked from me!  Like they didn't care how they did it!  Because of really needing all those wires now, straight off from my hurtful head!

Which, I can sure tell you, did I cry like hell!  And I do mean, that I cried like hell, while looking at my dad!  For what I can only say now, had certainly felt for what I went through each time, then!  But for whom, couldn't do a thing for his little girl, course, for each time they had pulled them off!  Well, boy!  For each time they were actually doing this to me, it was honesty like tearing my hair from it!  Which, I also, had felt that awful sticky glue-like that was attached to each of those small tiny plasters all around my poor head of hair!

But, because of all this!  I had to start taking medications!  Because, every since I can remember then, well, at times I was having miner fits!  Not bad ones!  But a very rare and miner ones!  That one in a million had, coming from our doctor!  But, who whenever this happened to me, got herself so scared!  Because just image, seeing a small tiny red light at the corner from your right eye, as a child!  Then, noticing your left eye going straight across for just a few minutes?  Hey!  Which had seemed to make you always feel a fit was always coming, which, can occur at any time!  Would make anyone scared as I had always felt! 

 Because, that's what happened!  For each time I first, had felt myself sick!  But whom, not being sick!  Just feeling herself sick!  Then, for whom, this fit reappears!  Which, can sure occur at any flaming time to anyone that goes through this!  But for whom, as worst fits, then I did, those many, many years ago!  But, who still does!  Because, without my medication, that the doctors had told my parents then, "that Sandy as to take this for her rest of her life!  Well, I would probably still have fits like that!

 Now, back then, because of being really scared of taking tables, I was always taking medicine!  Medicine in which was an horrible course, of the taste!  Which was very, very sugary and oh so very sweet!  Which not only tasted so sickie!  But seeing the colour of it, which was red!  Which, I'm sure for any child, who had to take this, wouldn't be surprise if they had wanted to throw up!  As for me!  Well, I just couldn't stand the taste of it!  Course, it was gross!  Really!  It was!  It was gross!  As I also, wouldn't surprise myself of feeling like throwing-up!

 But, getting back to each time, still as a small child, of having to go to Birmingham Children's Hospital again, and again!  Along with my dad, who I truly idealised so very dearly, being so closer to him, more then my mum and older sister, Anna!  For who is six year-older then myself!  Which, I had always got along with then!  But no more!  As, this I'll tell you more about why, later on! 

 Because, way back then, I was always being pick on!  Picked on in the sense of being bullied!  No sooner then I started going to the first School called, St, George's!  And bullied it was, by not only children!  Because, of the way my right hand!  But, how those parents, from all those children had seriously, told the teachers, "lock her away!  Away, from all our children, while playing in the play-ground!  Course, my first school had a small outsider part, that was separated from the play-ground!  Because, of really thinking, they didn't want their children to catch anything from me!  Which, none of them couldn't!   

 Which, in fact, was not so far to where I went to before, turning five years-old either!  Yes!  That's right!  St, George's First School wasn't even so far to the Nursery that this girl had also, went to!  Which was the most happy times, that I can remember!  Expect, that is!  Remembering, this one teacher, whose name was Mrs Williams, that twice, had slapped my small face so hard, for just helping another little girl, when it had always came to our lunch-time!  That had sadly had more difficulties, then myself had!  Which was, one of her arms, had seemed to look-like it was a rubbery plastic!  Rubbery!  But plastic, which seeing a tiny metal thing that was attached to the tip of it!  Then, who had noticed, she had two small, but what had looked like two smaller metal hooks, that really reminded this little girl, of a fork!  A fork, that could have looked-like a small garden fork, at the end of it!

 Course, just image trying to cut something up or anything with having a arm like that?  Hey!  At least with me!  I did have two hands, even though, I did have problems myself for cutting things up!  I sure didn't want to see Lizzy, which was this girls name to be bullied or told off by anyone or some teacher like that Mrs Williams had, with me!  As for those happy times!  Well, it was so funny in away, because oh brother!  Could I remember in having not one or two little small lads liking me!  But I five!  Yes!  That's correct!  Five little boys had truly liked me!  And one of them, was even that Mrs Williams son!  For whom, had always had liked to hang around me, if he could!  Only, being the son, of that evil witch, aka Mrs flaming Williams, well she wouldn't have it! 

 As, there were, Patrick, Martin, Christopher, Neil and little Nicky!  For who I always, got told by my mum, "Nicky had always liked you Sandy!  Because, as she added, "his mum, who told me, Nicky just can't wait to go to the Nursery each day, because of seeing you, Sandy!

                          This was Nicky, from that Nursery!

 Which was so nice to hear!  I mean, me!  Who was always being picked on, at times even then, course, who knows it could have been partly down to my disability!  As what I can remember of that Nicky from the Nursery, was that this little boy was blonde with lovely deep blue eyes and a lovely smile!  Why!  Even now, I can't believe that I've kept that old photograph, of while we were all there, at the Nursery!  Along, with all those teachers that was also, there on the top row!  Which, sadly had included her, Mrs Williams!  That horrible teacher, that I could only describe her, as a witch!  A witch, that slapped me twice!  With long dark brown hair that is standing at the far right of the back of this old photograph!
Wherein a purply flowerily top!  And a purple long skirt! 

 Why!  I can even remember this one time, after coming from Birmingham Children's Hospital with my dad, had spotted while we were on the back, had noticed an unusual sit in  ride!  That was shaped like one of those scary Daleks, from the Dr Who series!  And boy!  As a small little girl, who was dressed in what looked-like a light brown leather coat and cap, couldn't help herself to tell her dad, "oh!  "Look dad!  Which, probably, part of me was only intrigued of going inside of it!  But the other, I can say, was not!  

 Course, of not wanting to go in alone!  Weather my dad right there, saying, with a smile upon his face, "I'll be just outside Sandy!  "Don't worry!  "I'll be just outside!  Because of the reason why, this little girl wasn't sure of not going in this large ride-like, shaped like a Dalek, on my own!  Was that, I knew!  Even though, I was a small child, what those scary Daleks would only come out with!  And that was, hearing what sounded like a robotic voice!  A more scary robotic voice that no one had probably heard of!  Because as you  know, all that Daleks would come out with, while hovering rounding slowing was,  Exterminate!

 Which, you could only image what was going through this little girls tiny mind!  Because of the way I had remembered in those old Dr Who series!  That had Jon Pertwee really, had played the Dr!  Course, for me!  Jon Pertwee was the best one from the lot!  And as for watching the Daleks entering, as they do!  Then, hearing them just say, over and over again, "Exterminate!  Could only describe it was really fucking scary!  Truly, it was!  Which was probably why I wasn't sure, as a child, of going into this, what had looked a scary ride, shaped as the Dalek!  Even if my dad was just outside of it!  Course, something had told me, that if I entered, well what was going to happen!  And happen when my dad would place the coin into it, to start it up!  Maybe, I was a little intrigue, even as a child!  But, come on!  This was still a ride for all children to go in and enjoy, way back then!  Then, those rides we now see around! 

 Anyway, after going in side of it and watched my dads hand had slowly opened a bit of this long red certain, to place the coin inside the slot of this ride!  That I heard a very, very loud sound coming from this terrifying ride, which was "Exterminate!  Which what happened next!  Was remembering how I truly shot straight out from that bloody ride, which when I had, had noticed my dads face, as it was killing himself with laughter!  Because really!  Of seeing his little girl shooting out from this Dalek-ride, after it started!  But, whenever we had came across any of the old photo-booth, well I can tell you, as a small child I had so wanted to go in one!  And go in, I did!  With my dad, for who I was so very, very close to!  Even though, now, he had sadly passed away, I can honesty say, I still feel very much closer to him!  As if I still got that bond, that we once had!  Oh!  How I love my dad so very much!  

But the only two people that did not like this, of while I was a little girl, was my mother and sister, Anna!  And why, you may say!  Well, I certainly reckoned it was that they were so alike one another!  As our mother had came from Italy, where a lot of them, had no sense of humour!  And weather her parents had acted strict with her, well, that could have been why, she had turned out the way she had!  An old battle-axe!  Who once again, had very much no sense of humour!  Why!  Would you believe if I told you that she hadn't even showed me no affection or love!    

 Course, what I truly felt growing up, was that she had showed more love for my sister, Anna then she had with me!  Probably, as she was her first child!  Or it was probably that Anna had reminded her, as part of her family from Italy!  As I'm sure my dad would say, like The Italian Mob!  Or like the Mafia!!!   Because, I was more like dad in so many, many ways!  Who when I was a young child, was known as her daddy little girl!  Which, was having a funny sense of humour!  Joking and laughing with him!  Why!  It was the age of just four years old, that my dad had given me that nick-name of dazzlepops!  Like himself, as a small boy was given a nick-name by his Ma!  My Nan!  Which was Bobbydazzler!     


 So, once again, it sure wasn't easy for me while I was at the first School!  Because of how all those nasty kids was picking on me!  And picking me they had, by calling me so many nasty names!  Not to mention, that once, two nasty children, not naming any of names, but who I'm sure probably knows who they maybe, read this, decided to bully me!  Bully me!  As in the one, had decided to kick my little nose!  But as for getting back to those who called me so nasty names, as a child, well one of those names, was, a Mongol!  Yes!  You heard right!  They had called me, a Mongol!  Which, I can tell you, as a little girl had some what believed it!  Course, of really having thoughts, why, am I then!  

Then, while I was with my dad, this one bright day in Sainsbury's, up Town, I looked up at my dad and asked, "am I a Mongol daddy?  "Am I?  Which while looking down at me, as he had done, replied,  "why, no your not Sandy!  "No!  "what made you say that!  So, as I had felt a better, had told my dad, "it was kids from School that said this to me!  Which with that, my dad said to me "Why!  "Take no notice Sandy!     
 Anyway, like I had already mentioned, my mother, who was Italian, that came over from from Naples!  Naples, which was a small part of Italy hadn't made out that she didn't show any signs of love or affection for me!  As it was more my father, that had!  And that's why, ever since I could remember, had felt that I was more closer to my him, then my mother had been!  Which I have to confess, don't think I loved her, because of how she had some times treated my dad!  Let alone myself while growing up!    

 But, what would you expect!  Having a father that had came from South Shields County Durham which was a place up North near Scotland!  Because, how would I know that my dad had came from Country Durham!  Well, it was when I suddenly heard my dad talking over the phone, to his brother one New Years Eve!  That his voice had suddenly changed!  Changed, in what I had thought then, bloody hell, dad!  What's going on with your voice!  Course, first of all!  This very young girl had sure didn't know that her dad did have a brother!  And secondly, hearing him change his voice to what I really had thought was so funny!

 Why!  It was even more funnier, when I knew that my Uncle, Uncle Jimmy was about to come over to visit us!  And why!  Shall I say!  Well, no sooner did they arrived, that after meeting my my Uncle for the very first time, did I felt spooked by how he looked!  Course, after looking at him closely, then at my dad, that as a young girl, did I thought, wow!  Don't you look the spitting image dad!  And that's no mistake!  Why!  Well, he could have been a twin! that's why! But he wasn't!  As he was just a brother! 

 But, while they were all there, all chatting away and laughing, well once again, this young girl just could not help feeling like she was the "Flower pot," from an old children programme called, Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  With this Sun Flower in it's pot, in the middle of them, going back and forth!  Like it was trying to get away from Bin and Ben!  Course, all they had kept on saying was, "flop-a dob-dob over and over again and again!  So, after hearing both my dad and uncle talking away, as they did!  And laughing, in this unknown strange accent!  Which I didn't know!  Well, being like my dads daughter, with a sense of humour, had made this girl think to herself of Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  

 Because of how they truly sounded!  Really strange!  And very funny!  Course, of how I had never knew my dad had this accent!  Which, even though, I made out then, think of Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  While I had always saw myself, like that bloody Flower being stuck in the middle of these Flower Pot Men had, going flop-a-dob-dob!  Over and over again and again!  Course like that flower, in that old children programme couldn't fucking get away from them!  Why! I had also, kept on saying, "you're got a swingy voice!   Yes!  A swingy voice, because by god!  Every time I heard that accent, something inside of me had made me laugh so!  As it took me back to when I was a baby and what was my first blooming word were!  Which, wasn't mama!  Or dada!  Like normal ficking babies do!  Oh no!  But, simply, coming out with, "Gaga! Gaga! "Goo!  "Goo!  Every time I opened my mouth!

 Which, what I'm trying to say was!  Did I know this!  That deep, deep, deep down even then, that I was going to be more like my dad!  Funny!  Because, of really looking back now!  No babies would have actually, come out with, Gaga! Gaga!  Bloody Goo!  Goo!  Now, would they!  No!  They would not!  Which, was after I heard my dads voice had changed over the phone, to how I describe a swingy voice to my Uncle Jimmy!  And who was going to be both like "Bin and Ben the Flower Pot Men!  With me!  As the little bloody Weed in the centre of them, of course!  Especially, when I first meet my darling Uncle!  



But really growing-up, was not easy at all!  Because of Anna!  Who, as a very young girl, had truly thought that we were close in some ways also!  Because of how Anna had used to helped me out in any certain matters, if I needed it, while growing up! being bullied constantly at School and even felt at home that I was like the black sheep of the family, by my own sister, Anna!   Who is six years older then myself!  But maybe it was through pure jealousy because I had more attention from my parents, then she probably had!  As, well as things!  Because of how I went through!  Plus, my disability, with the weakness to my right side!  As, well as, Anna weren't just the one, that did seemed to be more popular with guys, when she came out to join the rest of those Teddy-Boys!       

 Because down the road, at number 74 St, George's there had lived a family!  A lovely family that had two sons and a daughter!  Who the older son was called, Gary!  Gary Slade!  But who as child, couldn't help making me think that every time I saw him, had looked-like Tin-Tin!  From, The Adventures of Tin-Tin!  Because of the way, his hair was just like how that cartoon character of him was so alike! With his hair as a light ginger look with the front part as a little flick going upwards!  

 And who had friends that used to hang around near to the round-about, with some of the girls that my sister also knew, and hang out with them!  But, what's more!  Those guys, that was friends with Gary was mostly all proper Teddy-boys!  With their Quiff that had always reminded myself of a Chickens ass!  Or!  Or a Turkeys ass!  As, for their De-Ana, at the back of their hair, well it had always looked-like a Ducks ass!  Because of how they had always used to comb their slick hairs back!  By sweeping their comb, backwards!  Thinking to themselves, of how cool they were!  And cool they sure were!

 Especially, when I had always noticed them all, hanging around the round-about, where I still live from this day onwards, chatting away to each other!  But who while noticing theses good-looking Teddy-boys, who I sure couldn't help having certain crushes over with!  Crushes, that only occurred when as a small young girl had saw, not one!  But two Teddy-boys named Jamie, with his mousy but, light brown hair around the rest of gang!  And then, seeing Kevin Moore reappearing!  As, he comes waltzing down the smaller road, with his beautiful blonde hair, deep blue eyes and that lovely smile that I remember!     

 Oh yes!  Did I really thought, Kevin Moore was a right looker!  As well as Jamie don't forget!  Though, I'm not saying that the rest of Gary's friends weren't to bad!  As, in their looks, because back then, I sure noticed all of those other Teddy-Boys that was hanging around the round-about!  As, there were Gary of course, Jamie, Kevin, Neil Poole and Wayne Davies!  For who my sister Anna had went out with him!

 Only, the funny thing was, for every time that she wanted to take him into the out away, from our parents that had always used the back room as more as the living-room!  And so, took him into our front-room, for like having a bit of privacy!  Well, little muggins here, had always, always crash in on them both, which every time I had done this to them!  Well, it wasn't Wayne that minded!  But my sister!  Course, having a funny sense of humour like my dad had!  Had always kept going onto Wayne's lap and saying, "your my boyfriend!  Over and over!  But who at the same time, had thought, do you know that looks-like either, a Chickens ass!  Or a Turkey ass!  Which, I was referring to his Quiff, that like all Teddy-Boys had was at the front of his head!

Though, saying all this!  About what I kept on doing every time Anna had brought Wayne on into our front-room away from our parents!  Well, once again, when my sister had yet, had another boyfriend!  And who tried to being them on into the from, well this very young girl just couldn't help herself by doing the same!  By opening the front-door!  And yes!  Opened the door and wondered straight in, from our back-room with a smile upon my face!  Course, like Wayne was!  But who was not a Teddy-boy!  Paul who was his name, had thought then and there, boy! aren't you cute!  And cute he was!  With his fairly light brownish hair, slightly down to his neck!  And who I saw, had a nice smile!  Wondered into the front-room and sat on his knee saying once again, "you're my boyfriend!  Which all he gave was a little smile!  Needless to say, of what my sister had looked, while doing so!  Course, like how I was, those many, many years ago, when I came barging into the front-room as I did and just sat onto Wayne's knee, didn't like that what I did!  But, who I just couldn't help it!



Anyway, first of all!   Would you believe each Saturday Morning, I always use to watch a series called, "The Six  Million Dollar Man!  Starring, Lee Majors that starred as an Astronaut who's mission had went so horribly wrong, leaving, him, Col Steve Austin aka Lee Majors with six million dollars of special parts, to the replace the damage that was!  Which was, both of his legs!  His right arm and his right eye also!

 So, every Saturday morning, I would always go straight in front of our TV with my knees crossed, while waiting for my programme to start!  And each time it came on, all I can remember was, it started, sumat like, "Steve Austin,  astronaut!  "A man barely alive."  "We can rebuild him."  "We have the technology."  "We have the capability Steve Austin will be that man!  "Better than he was!  "Better, stronger and faster!  Which, then the music to that series had started, was something like, da!  Da!  Da! Da!  Da!  Da!  Da! Da!  Da!  Da!  La!  La!  La!  La!  Well, it was sumat like that!  Which, at time what I can remember, was kissing our TV saying oh Stevie!  Which, looking back now, thinks I must have been on something!  As, in saying to myself, ha! De! Ha!  Ha!  Because come on!  I seriously, don't think any child, like myself those many years back, would actually kiss the flaming TV screen!  So, yes!  I would have to agree, I was an idiot!

 But that wasn't the only daft and stupid thing may I add, that I had gone and done!  Because as years gone by and girls had comics of their own, which then, was called Look-In!  Well, because really it was for us all younger generation, it had either many different pop groups inside like a cartoon!  As, well as some poster in the middle!  Which, at times had discovered there right in the middle was my Stevie!  Which, as a young girl had pinned one poster from that comic, above my bed!  So!  Only, don't laugh!  But for each night, that I had this poster of Steve Austin aka Lee Major above my bed, well I would always, always before going inside of my bed, jump up to this poster and kiss Steve goodnight!  By saying, "nighty night Stevie!

 Which, really looking back, it's no wonder I see myself as scaring all the guys away!  Not because of how I was in my past from always being bullied of course!  Why, hell no!  It was just I don't see myself desperate!  Or just say to myself, if I saw someone that I thought was nice, I want you!  For I was always a very shy girl, who because of being picked on or even bullied from School, had always brought upon herself to like Actors!  Actors, who was from different series once again!  Including, may I add, after listening to the old group, Bay City Rollers, then, shortly after, it was Showaddywaddy with whom, Dave Bartram was their lead singer!  And who this very young girl had started to adore, because of the way I always saw him smile!  While was always knocking out!  As, he had the most loveliest smile, that I ever did see from anyone around, in any pop group!                          






Wednesday, 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 1


"Oh Boy!  "Who's that?"


           PLAYING GAMES

                                                                  CHAPTER 1

           "HELLO! "WHO'S HE?"

 The first time I met him was when I walked into my work!  And even though, our eyes didn’t meet, something had told me how was this tall, dark hair, mysterious stranger was going to start something off, in my so-crazy life?  But how!  All I do know was, when I had walked into work that day and noticed this guy, "and may I add," had looked so adorable!  Leaning against a table with his arms folded, looking like he was in a little world of his own, while Deek, who was the Manager was at the till.  

 Who I secretly thought, that he looked a bit like that Actor, Ardal O' Halon, when he  played that character of Father Dougal McGuire from that old, bet what was a well known hit, comedy series of Father Ted!  But who was slightly shorter, with brownish hair, showing some pozy, tall, but ever so plain, lanky girl something on the till!  While I still couldn't help myself, from noticing that guy, from the corner of my eye!  That was learning against that big table, near to the entrance!  And wondered, oh, he seems really nice to myself.  

 But saying that, well only time will tell!  Oh yes!  Only, time will tell, if that guy was going to be nice or not!  As, for myself well, being a shy person as I am, wouldn't have thought for one moment then, that anyone like him, would bring my shyness above the surface, like I was when I was must younger!  Because of wondering when I looked at him, he's nice!  But, still who couldn’t seem to bring myself to go up to them, let alone speak to them.  

 Though, while coming back out, from where I got myself already for my shift, was told by our Deputy Manager, Faz, "that we’ve now have two new people starting today," "the one, who's with Deek, is called Liz, and the other, is Matt!  For who must have been him, that I noticed just leaning against that table!  With his arms still folded and looking slightly down, because as there weren't anyone else around, when I had came wondering back out, from our staff-room with Fazz! 

 Only, if you must know, seeing him as I did, had told yours truly, not to look at him!  Even after I went up to this new girl Liz, so that I could introduce myself to her, just still couldn’t exactly look up at this quite good-looking guy!  Not to mention, as I was walking past him so I could try and make way, towards the fitting-rooms, had still told myself not to turn around and look at this guy!  But who which, had definitely brought a slight smile upon this girls face for sure, while I entered the fitting-room, hiding myself around the corner.  

 As, it was only then, that I decided to look at him, because of knowing no one could see me!  Which once again, was how I met this so-called mysterious, slightly, gorgeous and yes!  For who was extremely sexy also, after I had wondered in on that day!  And even after knowing that he was going to be a member, that was he how was he going to start something off in my so-called crazy life?  Because, for one!  It was him that truly brought this girls smile right back upon her face, since her own Manager had got stitch up, right good and proper, by those that was in-change above of the place.  Total Barstards!  

 Which of course had meant, it was only him!  Him, that each time had made me laugh and smile at the same time!  But who I didn’t realise at the time, that I would end up falling, madly in love with him!  And even though, we did seem to get along like just good friends well unfortunately, for me it didn't take that long to realise that they were now starting to be a bit funny with me!  As, in not in like, ha-de-ha-ha!  But, how they were now all seem to be joining in together-like, as like a bunch of flaming idiots, to try to make it harder for me for not being a friend with Matt.  

 Especially, shortly after Fazz had decided to leave us, because of making me wonder that maybe, it was for the best, that me and Matt was not friend’s.  Not because I wanted to!  No!  But, how they truly made it harder for me to continue of trying to be a really good friend with him.  Only, all this as I said, didn’t really happen until, Fazz had decided to leave because what I can vaguely remember was just before he had, well what I noticed was Matt did still showed signs of his funny sense of humour around me!  Which I liked a lot!  Which I've got to admit, was nice to see!  As, well as, he seemed to act like he really cared of what I thought of him for maybe, wanting to go for Fazzs' job, as Deputy Manager job!  Because, all he kept on saying was, “would you mind so much Sandy, if I went for Fazzs' job?"  Over and over again!

 *And even though, that was then, and this is now, sixteen years on, since Matt had left our work.  Well, as for myself, it's been really more like fifteen years on, since those feelings of mine for Matt had started to experience.  Because as this was around the time, we all had been made redundant in January 2012.  And I can definitely say that, that experience of my feelings over Matt, as still not changed one bit!  Probably even more so now, then ever before, because what I liked about him in the first place, was how he had first acted all stupid-like, while he was around me, then, it was around the others!  As well as, making me thinking to myself, he could have been slightly shy.  But sadly again for me, at the same time, how he had always singled me out as well as, no matter how he treated me at times, just still couldn’t help myself from liking him even more then ever, because of those times that he really made me laugh, which was really nice for me to see!


Playing Games - Chapter 2


Chapter 2


                                 CHASING MATT AROUND TO JUST TRY  

                                             AND GET MY BOOK BACK

 For example!  By how he got hold of my book, this one time and kept making this girl chasing him all around work while it was mostly quiet, thank god!  Only, what happened shortly, was he went into the back with me following!  And of course, because of my book,  I couldn't get to him! Course of him running straight into the office!  Which I could only describe, was like a very a small room, next door to the staff-room!  And slammed the door on me!  Making yours truly, to keep running up to door, like a flaming idiot as I was, banging on it, in for hoping it would open!  

 But, even though, I couldn't! Because of each time I ran back and bloody forth, towards the door, that I just at first, couldn't let the door to budge! And secondly, how something was just telling this girl that why, I'm I enjoying myself?  Hey!  Just why?  Maybe!  Just maybe, as I thought, it was hearing my darling Matt, laughing away, from the other side of the door! Which, once again, thought, I loved a little more then, been chased around from him in shop!  Even though, he grab hold of my small writing book, that was filled with my thought of his, I certainly enjoyed myself!  

 As, well as, it could have been him!  Him, from knowing that I was really trying so hard to push that dam door to open, with my elbow, over and over again-like!  But, who luckily for me, I had an idea!  An idea, course of half way, of just trying to reopen this door, that I wouldn't be at all surprised that Matt had held on from the other side!  That great big twit, as I thought!  But, who I couldn't help myself for liking it!  Really! 

 Course, at first!  This girl, meaning myself of course, while still on the floor laughing, along with him, which I did imagined it, had thought to herself  I'll give it one more bash!  In trying to open this sodden dam stupid door!  Because I really didn't want him to see what was in my book, that's if he was going to do!  So, as I finally got up, off the floor slowly, pretended I've had enough of doing this!  This girl yet again, whammed her left elbow for the very last time, towards that office door!  Only, once again this door wouldn't want to budge, which boy!  Did I felt my elbow! 

 So, as this girl, Sandy Dazley had an idea!  An idea, that would make out, that I've had enough, by pretending to go back out, course of wanting to see if Matt might actually give in!  In reopening this stupid door!  I had suddenly gave one more shot, in doing it again!  Just to see what may happen, after hopefully trick Matt by doing this!  Which, to my surprise, had finally saw that I had exceed to open that door, from the office!  But boy!  Did this surprise Matt, a lot more then,  it had for me!   Because of the way, he jolted aback a little, by looking a little surprised, by how I did open that door!  Only, while I did!  Boy, all I could do was look straight into those big dreamy, sexy brown eyes of his!  And not anything else, that was around in that small office, in the dark!  Which, as you know, was so nice for me!  Really!  It was, because of just glazing into those deepest, dark brown eyes of his, while I suddenly opened the door slightly, where he certainly backed away, like I just added, in the office that lights was not on!  

As he probably didn't think to switch on the light, as well as, he didn't expect me to open it right there and then!  But, for me, it was truly the most nicest moment that I will ever remember from that time!  As, well as, mind you!  That time while just waiting for me to either going in the shoe stock-room, so, while trying to get a customer their shoe box and was going up the ladders, near to the door, had quietly put his hand through the door to keep switching the lights on and then off!  Which personally!  Thinking about that, had thought, you bugger you!  But, which once again, had truly really liked! 

 Or even, that time that just before, I came out to start!  Matt would go and hide his gorgeous self in one of the changing-rooms!  So, whenever I came out and would then go straight into the fitting-room, as usual, would bloody surprise me!  When it came to me of reopening this certain curtain!  That I at the time I had thought some customer had left down!  But No!  As you gathered, my darling, Matt was hiding himself in!  And I do mean, hiding in to surprise your truly, when he probably heard me slowly coming toward that cubicle!  

 As I think he knew of how I would react to when I had came to opening that curtain that he was hiding in!  I mean, it was when I suddenly saw that there, right in front of me was Matt standing with a huge big grin upon his soft silky face, looking straight directly at me! With those deep, mysterious, mesmerizing, melting, big brown eyes!  As, well as, noticing he was giving this girl one hell of a dreamy, sexy smile!  Which, what happened was, I simply ran, ran away from him!  Leaving him to have a little laugh to himself!  Not forgetting, there were those other times, while I was always trying to sort out the men’s jeans into size order, that he would simply come up and knock them all down!  Followed by one of his silly little laughs!  Which, even that, had done a little something to me, because of how Matt had put me in my place!  Meaning, of how I would blush just slightly but, who had tried to hide it from Matt.

Playing Games - Chapter 3


    Chapter 3


                                         TRAPPED IN THE SHOE-STOCK ROOM

                                    WITH MATT SITTING BETWEEN THE DOOR

                                                            SMILING AWAY

 Then, of course, there was the time!  The time, when Matt who I like to refer him as my darling, had quietly walked into the back, while I was in the shoe shock-room with one of the other girl’s, sorting most of the shoe boxes out!  Or should that be, while we were trying to!  Heard a noise!  A noise that had sounded like a door, from the back was opening!  And opening it had only shortly after that, I aka Sandy had heard a chair being moved from the staff-room, to the door of the shoe stock-room!  Which, ok!  At first, didn't try to bother what or who was moving or playing musical chairs!  Only, I don't know what Abby had thought, as she was still sorting the shoe-boxes in our shock room! 

 Though, getting back to who was playing around with this dam chair, that now had certainly sounded was right in front of the door-way!  The door-way to our shoe stock- room!  And was trapping both myself and Abby, even though, they had finally allowed Abby to go!  Had  still decided to sit his huge fat ass on that dam chair!  Even though, I can't really say that about him, being it was Matt!  And of course, the way I felt for him!  Just noticing Matt had that lovely, huge smile, upon his soft and gentle face!  And those dam eyes of his glaring into mine, just, as always, couldn't look at him!  Dam!  

 Because of every bloody time I had!  Well Matt would always managed to send this girl do-la-le!  As, in simply, feeling my tiny little hairs, at the back of my neck, was standing on end!  Not to mention, "mind you," starting to feel like I had butterflies in my stomach!  which, to be honest, I didn't quite understand!  Because as these feelings, of mind was quite new to me!  As, well as, feeling like my dam knees was trembling a little!  Not forgetting, going a little shyer!   

Playing Games - Chapter 4


Chapter 4


                          WHAT IS MATT DOING WITH BOTH HIS LEGS UP?

                                        AND PUTTING BOTH HIS ARMS AT 

                                       THE BACK OF HIS HEAD SMILING?                                                          


 Not forgetting, "mind you" the time while I was working Matt had called me in the back for something!  Which, I wondered, in a wishful-dreaming-thinking, oh, yeah!  Now, what! Only, after wondering in the back I really had surprised myself!  As, I saw Matt was lying back in a chair, in the staff room, with both of his legs right up onto the another chair! Giving me the most lovely smile!  Which always placed me in a slight awkward position!  Because, really you should have been there, to notice Matt was making me feel like he was trying to indicate something else, to me!  Which, I could have been wrong!  But, by god!  Once again, I dreamt if only it that what I was thinking, was true!  Then, for him playing around!     

 For it was the way he was simply making me feel all going shy-like inside of myself while wondering in the staff-room properly seeing both of his arms stretched out, at the back of his head, like he was relaxing!  While still smiling away, at me with that mystifying look in his deep, dark mysterious, gorgeous and may I also add, his sexy brown eyes!  But who did made out to yours truly, if you want to sit down, well why don't you sandy sit on my lap?  Because of how he had got both of his legs, also still stretch out on the other chair!  And secondly!  It was how he had managed to allow me to start to feel like I going to blush in front of him!  Which, because of this, it had made certainly made it so awkward for me, to stick around near to him!  

 Only, due to that I wasn't thinking straight, had suddenly dashed straight out from the staff-room, before I thought I would really had thought, I would even blush more!  And in front of him!  But no sooner then I did, I heard Matt started laugh a little to himself!  Which, I felt like I was really now going to blush!  But unfortunately, for poor me!  What I couldn't forget was, no soon than I thought he was making me feel like this, while I was in there with him of course!  And then, I dashed straight out of the staff-room, that his behaviour towards me, had suddenly turned to the worst!  

 Because Matt had then, changed into Mr Hyde, who as you know, from the character, in the novels or films that they were a horrible piece of work, to everyone!  And I certainly do mean, with anyone that came across his path! 

 Though, I can definitely say, though, even though, those other complete "Barstards" from work didn't help either!  Due to they also, had decided to play upon my emotions, so I wouldn’t know whether I was either coming or going of how I was now starting to feel!  Feeling for while I was always around Matt!  Which, I’ve got to say, the way he really had acted towards me!  And I certainly do mean, me aka Sandy, probably would not act to  anyone else!  So, if it won't for my feelings for him, of course, would also, call the guy, a flaming "Barstard" also!  Or "you Prick! 

 Especially, as I was sure Matt must have known somehow, that I was not being my usual self around them, but only himself!  Which, was simply feeling like I was acting my old and true self!  Which, of course was being really shy when I had just glanced into those remarkably, deep, melting big brown eyes of his!  The only thing was, I had no idea of why Matt was being like this towards me!  And me only!  Because, one minute, Matt would act all nice as pie, by making yours truly laugh!  Course of acting all silly-like!  Then, the next of course, his behaviour would suddenly change!  Change into someone that no one would really want to know!  As, that's how ghastly he was, when this un-sudden behaviour had appeared!   

 Which, most of those times was actually while he was in changed and working along side with that bloody, snobby-bitch aka big Liz!  As, she was known to me, but which I thought was entitled to a few more names!  Because of how she had always made me feel, while hanging around Matt!  Though, there was another good reason, of why I didn’t really want to be around Matt, if I knew Matt was going to be in charge!  And in change, with that oh so pozy-nose, but lanky and hideous, gruesome, aka big Liz!  And that was because whenever they would work together, well they would always reminded myself of all those awful, bad times that I had of being badly bullied! Bullied, by those nasty bullies from school, those  many years ago!