Chapter
26
Now, on this one day when Matt
had came wondering into our work while he was with a girl! A blonde girl! Well after asking Bobby,
“what’s wrong? Heard Bobby tell him, “Sandy's upset! "Upset, because of knowing you’re leaving! Which was true! But who I didn't like to confess that I didn’t want to think about him leaving! Really I didn’t! Course, oh boy! Did my feelings show up on the surface! While at the same time, trying so hide from it!
The only thing, before he had left, he did have to work this one Saturday! Which like I said, didn’t want to really think about! Couse, otherwise, I would have cried all over again! Even though, it was actually going to happen! I know I would have! Because I just didn't want to think of that day! That day, that someone that now I truly loved so much, weren't ever going to be around no more! As, for his leaving Party! Well, who knows that went to it! That’s if the guy had one! May be he did! May be, he didn't! But as I made an excuse, while he was thereon this day, had cried out, from the front, “are you coming to my leaving Party Sandy? Should have known full well, that what my answer would have been! As, I replied, "I can't!
He certainly was giving me the most lovely smile ever! Which boy! Did this girl sure liked! The only difference was, this guy had a
sun-tan! A sun-tan which then, didn't think that Matt could have had a sun-tan from getting back from his holiday! Because as long as I’ve known Matt, well any such holidays that he had, had never came back with a sun-tan, like that guy had! Never! Which, I
weren’t sure about!
Well maybe Matt must have come back from his holidays! So, when I had finally realised it was him for sure, still looking mind you, directly at me, with that "for god-saken" knock-out smile may I add! Well like always, this girl just couldn’t help herself looking straight into those deep, dark, and captivating, mesmerising brown eyes of his and going all shy! Whilst he was walking further and further away, from where I was now! But who I was still smiling to myself, while dreaming of him!
But thank god! Thank god! That the following day I had the day off! And why, you may say! Well it was on this very day that it was Matts final day of working with us! And boy! All I felt was, why him though? Tell me that! Why did it have to be Matt that was leaving, then, anyone else! Course, I was actually taking Matts last day bad! As, I kept trying to tell myself, just try not to pass your work Sandy! Just don't! Because of just in case, if anyone had saw me passing! As, well as, all those emotions that I was deeply hiding away, would surely to show up to the surface! Because of feeling that I was losing someone that I loved so much now! And I did!
But as for work-wise! Well they all should have known already that even if I had accidently past, shouldn't have asked me to pop-in! Because of knowing how I truly felt for him! But oh no! As, they didn't! Course, I was certainly taking Matts last day bad! And I do mean, bad! My emotions was really showing up! Even though, I had tried so desperately to hide it from how I felt for him! Tears was really starting to reappear from my face! Course of just thinking so much of losing him, Matt! The person I really now loved! But who knew I won't ever see again! Because as I didn't know what these emotions, that I was feeling, had allowed him to go!
Well course I was taking this day bad I had decided to nip into Wackys to try and cheer myself up a little! But while doing so, well some girl who was heeling down, sorting the shoe-rack, had noticed me strolling in! And course all I needed was to talk to someone in Wackys to be cheered up! Well this girl cried out over to me, "hey! "Sandy! "can you pop-in! As, Matt wants to see ya! But because of knowing that on this day it was Matt’s last day, well all I felt was, no! And he should know I couldn’t! Not that it was only his last day! But of how I truly felt for him!
As, I couldn't bare the thought, that after this day onwards, Matt, wasn't going to be with us anymore! As this is the guy, that I first clapped eyes on, leaning against that big table, with his arms folded! But who looked-like he was in a little world of his own! Had felt I was so upset! Upset! Because of knowing I had truly fallen deeply and passionately in love with him! Truly, I had! I was now in love with Matt now! But who sadly for me, had always seemed to show signs that he never liked me! Sounds stupid! I know! But really he had! He had showed signs that he didn't like me! Why! Well I had no idea, of why Matt had disliked me! Because normally I do get along with guys, more then I had with girls! So, really, what was so wrong with Matt for just simply liking me, as a person, then making-out he simply didn't!
But as I just didn't wanna allow myself to show that I was hurting deep inside! Which I sure was, over Matt leaving! M
Being total romantically over him! Which, I wouldn't wanted Matt to notice, if he had! In case, he would either laugh at me! As, he probably would have! Or simply, just tell me "stop being so stupid Sandy for crying like a bloody baby! As, I would have! Really! I would have cried, if I wondered in and saw him! Possibly smiling away! Course, of how he was now, leaving us! My "darling" Matt would have said sumat to me! So, instead, while I was up Town I had spent most of my time in Esquires because of just trying to not think about this saddest day of my life! As, well as, of himself, that I tried not to think of! And why! Well, once again, it was how I was truly feeling! Yes! Feeling for him! As, I just couldn’t now help myself for thinking of him so!
Because of wondering, 'if I didn’t go anyway near to my work, then maybe it might be a little easier for myself to carry on through this hardest day! That I really, really tried to not think of! But who I couldn’t because, what I was truly feeling had needed to be cheered up! And cheered up badly! Because the more I had thought of him, "my big brown eyes" Matt! The more I really had thought, 'oh! 'Sandy! 'For god sake, don’t start crying now! 'Please! 'Just don't! Course that would make it worst for me to really forget about how I won't ever see my darling, after this day is over!
So, as I wondered over slowly towards where my friends worked at, well the more I had, the more I really got upset for thinking, 'oh, Matt! 'Why did you have to leave? 'Hey! 'Just tell me that! Because as I came wondering into Wackys, well I was sure they all knew! Oh yes! They had all knew! As, well as, to cheer me up for knowing how I felt for Matt! The only problem was, they were all working just opposite to my work! Yes! My work! Which, now I couldn't avoid to go past! So, for thinking of looking in and noticing there right in front, could have been him, Matt, my darling! Well it was now going to be slightly harder for me if I had! Course, of not working there after that day onwards!
But still! As, this store was right directly opposite to my work, which I couldn't be helped in going in for needed to be cheered up! And I do mean, I needed to be cheered up, like asap, well just before I went in, I couldn't help in placing my head slightly down! And more so, as I got closer and closer, for in case, of trying not to gaze straight in! Just in case, I had spotted him! Him, that could have been around nearer to the front entrance! Or where the till was! While heading towards the Wackys with my head tilted downwards so those from work wouldn't notice I had past, but who was nearly in tears! Course, really! I was trying to held back my tears, as I got closer to my work after I was asked, "Sandy! "Matt would like to see you!
But couldn't even do that! Because first of all, knowing full well as I did, they all use to like to stick around together! And I mean, they had all liked to stick together, like "creeps do! And secondly! Secondly, how they would probably like to say something to Matt, if they had saw me around! Like, "Sandy, going straight into Wacky's! Which, if he might have, wanted to see me! Which, I’m not saying he had! But if so! Then, it would only be for thanking me for that card that I left with that measly, repulsive, stick-insect aka Bobby! Course of being on holiday!
Because the way Matt had used to act towards me! Horrid and mean! So, being the way, I am, had really imaged 'if only you would want to see me for sumat else, Matt! Like surprising me, you had liked me! Then, allowing those idiots or "morons" from work, acting like a compete and utter "barstard! Plus, you! For at times acting like the horrify, hideous Mr Hyde from Jekyll and Hyde stories or mysterious! But, knowing that Matt was not one of those nicer guys, that I would have loved to image of! Like from how I had, in my early life had really remembered!
Course, of how I remembering how Matt was towards me! Like acting like Mr Hyde! Who after the character, "Doctor Jekyll" had slowly turned himself into this hideous, deformed other half, by going off more into the night! But with Matt! Well he just showed his anger upon his face, like he was waiting to explode at me! Then, rather anyone else, may I add! By swearing at my face! Yes! That's right! Swearing to me, by saying the "f*** word! But being a old fashion-romantic as I am, just couldn't do nout to him! Like giving him a piece of my mind back!
As, I still so long to wish that 'if only sumat! Just sumat could have really surprised me from Matt! But the way he was! Well, hell no! I couldn't see that for happening from a guy, who had once behaved in away, wanted to act like the hideous "Mr Hyde" to me! Which, was so sad! Because of knowing what he was really like! Though, as for these days now, well all you do see, is a lot of guys and girls, simply want one fucking thing! And one thing only! Then, just simply knowing that someone first, romantically, may I add! Which, may I add, is simply talking about myself! Being an old-fashion romantic person who would have actually, waits until meeting that so-call person until they are sure they are ready to come out!
As, for my old dream! Yes! My dream, that I've always, imagined 'what would have it been liked, if I did meet that certain "special someone" that would have been nice if they and shy over me! Not forgetting, I'd always imaged, I wanted them to have nice eyes! Nice smile! Plus! Plus, short dark spiky hair, who looks slightly board, then like a huge, fat, and shall I add, then, looking like a "really smelly rhinoceros" like Matt had honestly looked-like he turned out to be, after all these year! Because oh brother! As, Matt truly lost his nice appearance or what! With that nice dark spiky hair that he once had! But I talk more of this in "Chapter 42!
But unfortunately, for me! Even though, I may still truly think the world of him! Course, of falling for him at the end! Well that was not my fault! Because of him simply having such really dark, melting, sexy, mesmerizing, big brown eyes! Plus, he did have such a really nice smile when at times he had smiled at my direction! Oh, yes! He really did! And who I saw him as slightly board, then simply looking like I had mentioned, which was "a huge, fat, smelly rhino! Or a pig!
Though, I had also wondered once, if I came to falling in love with "whoever they maybe" as to be also, decent! Then, rather allowing anyone simply imagining I'm like that sort of person, that just loves to just play such a dirty, rotten stinking game, by trapping that guy, down! Course, of thinking they wouldn't want that person that they could be with have a mind of their own! Or maybe having their own lives! As, I would never do that to anyone, if I had meet someone that really had liked me! Course, I always, say let them lead their own lives! And if they really had loved you and who knows may come back, well who knows what could happen! Maybe they would come back! But if not, well you just really need to allow them to chose their own paths in live! Then, rather playing a dirty, rotten game by trapping the guy down by getting themselves up the dove, as in pregnant!
As, for Matt! Yes! You heard me right! Matt! Well once again, Matt wasn't really a nice guy, as I thought he would be! Course, of showing signs, with just myself, that he simply wanted to act like a total "Barstard! Like "Mr Hyde! As, well as, knowing, Matt was just like all the rest of those other fucking guys, that just wanted sex! And more! As, I knew nothing could ever happened between yours truly aka Sandy and him! Because, of how those "Bastards" had way back played upon my feelings, over falling in love Matt! Plus, himself had allowed to join in with them, by doing so! Which, was falling head over heels in love with him! So, deeply and passionately! Course, of every time of just gazing into those bloody dam gorgeous, mesmerising, eyes of his! Which, by doing so, had knew of what I truly felt for him! As, well as, I so wanted to say sumat to him, of "how I so love you Matt! "Do you know that! "I do!
But yet again, who just couldn't! Because half of me, whenever I saw him close up went into a shying mode! And brother! Matt was the only person that had always managed to do this to me! Then, anyone else! Even though, it was so harder for me to hide my emotions half of the time! But who I will always, from this day onwards, will still love Matt forever and ever! Course, loving somebody else, now, is out of the question for me! Course, you could say, I was never like that! Never! Course, like I just said, if that someone you loved, like how I do now, but who don't love ya! Or really have those same feelings as you do, well for finding someone else, "as I'm talking of myself," can't now ever do that! Because I see myself as loyal to that one person I love! As, well as, now that I'm truly in love, which I am, isn't like that at all! Because I will always love Matt, even though, he dislikes me so!
Which, is allowing their lives to just wait until, possibly bumping into that special person! Yes! That special person, that they could have recognise it's them, that they wanna be with for the rest of their lives! Which, my answer to that is what rubbish! Or Crap! As, my dream was, if I did eventually, meet that "Mr Right! Which, I'm sadly to say, as all gone down the swami river now, because of all of them from where I had worked! As well as, now, I can't see it because of my age! But, how I can not now, ever see that from ever happening to me! Course, it's not that I wanted to be with that someone! But it's more to do with half of the guys, either, want sex! Or that my old self really likes guys, that are available! Then, rather someone who's married with a load of Baggage's! Meaning, who would have kids, from when they were married!
*Then rather, like I mentioned, of wanting to know the girl herself! As, I'm not stupid! A lot of girls, is just like that nowadays! Which means, guys, just can't bloody control their bodily function, like Matt had! And probably still is! Which, shows he was not a very nice guy from when I knew him then! As, I how I always, dreamt of meeting that someone! That would be decent, nice and shy! Course, of really remembering that every single time those that actually knew him, from outer work as well as, myself had saw that idiot aka Matt had mostly wondered around here, in Redditch Kingfisher Centre with yet, a different bloody girl! Before, hooking up with that humongous, fat bimbo, that he did end up with!
But who, way back! Was always, going out with that everyone knew was an "on and then off" none-existent relationship with his fat, enormous trollop! Which everyone had called as a joke! Because as they also added, at times, "Matt doesn't seemed to know what he wants! Which, sounded like he needed to fully grow-up! Course, of normally acting like he didn't want to control his bodily function! As, he just wanted to go around having bloody sex for fun! Then, who really could have known someone that he could have truly meet and who who liked him for real!
But again, it was only Matt that had it in his thick, enormous, huge, fat head that truly thought, he was in a real relationship with that humongous trollop! Which, all I will say to that is now, "ha! "ha! "ha! "ha! To you Matt! Course, as it was only Matt that had actually thought this! And secondly, I'm now glad Kamas as gone straight back to him! In other words, kick his huge butt! To where the sun don't shine! Hoping that some day he could realise that, that huge, fat bimbo that he had ended up with, had played a huge, very dirty rotten game towards him, back then! Because of how they thought, yours truly, could have been after him! Which, showed how must they had a bloody screw lose in their tiny Pea-Butt-Twisted Brain! Which, I was referring to her!
Yet, as for myself! Well course, I'm a true believer! Well, what I believe in, is if anyone can certainly still truly love someone so much, as I do! And brother! Do I really love Matt forever and ever! But who totally doesn't agree, like a lot of those around had! Including both Matt and his enormous, huge, fat bimbo wifie had! Or still do! Which was probably thinking, 'oh you can meet anyone in pubs or clubs, as in a one off to start a relationship! Which, in my opinion, if one ask me is, "bull-shit! Course, what I've always believed in is, if you wanna meet someone! And someone as in that very special someone like a soul-mate well, it would take a hell of a long time to start! Not just meet them once then saying to yourselves 'I'm now in a relationship! Course, as I'm a dreamer now, is dreaming of 'what if it came to me, of having a companion-ship or even a partnership, in the life! But in a most very passionate, romantic way! That would last for entirely!
*As I'm not like what you would call a huge, fat fucking Bimbo or tart! That just simply like to go around with just anyone! But as you know, who had played a dirty rotten game, by getting her huge, humungous, fat blob, of a body up the flaming dove! Just so, poor Matt, couldn't live his own life or do his own things! But who while they was with him, beforehand, this so-call fat Bimbo as she truly is, if you saw them!
Was always going around with Matt as an on off relationship! Which as you would say, is not a proper relationship! Not like you would have, when I would say, you would truly love someone as I still do over Matt! For once again, it's been now fifteen years, since I loved him!! But as you know, Matt and his other half now, have got loads of sex-objects, from when I told you that she just wanted to keep playing a dirty game by telling Matt, "I'm once again, up the dove! So, he was again, trap! With no life of his bloody own! Which is that huge, fat, miserable, twisted, humongous, bimbo! Who really does think as well as probably say to themselves, in their tiny, but Pea-Butt- twisted brain, that we would call inside of their dinky heads, but what we got, is a real relationship!
Which I'm sure, if anyone whose not so bloody stupid! Would probably agree, as I still do! If they knew what I mean! About how these two had liked to operate! By going around together, for only sex, sex and more bloody sex! Then meeting someone, with those true feelings that would last for entirety! Because, ever since we knew those two, well it was always in an on off relationship!
Then, how mostly of our generation! Or of how the elderly would have met their partners! Which, I was referring once again, it really does take a hell of a long time for meeting your true love! Speaking also, for myself! That is! Course, if any fellas, out there wouldn't like me as I am! Well, what I would say is, "tuff shit! Course, If no one would like me! Well, I'm not one, that would apologise for how I was brought up! Or even believing in how true love is should be!
Course, like how I mention, I see myself, as a truly, old-fashion, romantic! That just like to simply imagine or dream! That what could have happened, if there was a truly a nice guy, those many years ago, before I met my darling, Matt! Just what if? Even though, this may sound silly now! Because as I'm still imagining what's it like to be flaming kiss? Course, I never been kiss! As well as, imaging, what would it be truly like, to be embrace so very passionately, by that very person! Course, that was all basically, what this girl, had simply been looking for in a guy, if one would existed for her!
Only, that was the problem with Matt, I think? Course, way back then, between 2006 and 2007! But more so, in 2007, I was sure Matt wasn't any different to all those other guys, that only was after one bloody thing! Then, rather wanting to know someone so nice! Who may I say, had only wanted to know Matt as just a friend! But who just didn't want to! Course, of secondly, how those horrible Barstards, that worked where I worked, had made it so flaming awkward for yours truly, to be a friend with Matt! There again, Matt, did not help either! Because of times, how he joined in with them all!
But, for saying that! Well, as he had sometimes nasty to only myself! Well personally, I just couldn't, even thought, I wanted to so much! Because all I had to do, was look into those gorgeous, melting mesmerising, deep, brown eyes of his! And boom! Wham-bam thank you mam! This girl, goes all weak in her knees and even feeling a little light headed! Couldn't tell Matt off! Or simply tell him, where to get off! Course, of this girl was still very vulnerable and a little shy! Even possibly, weak! Because, of how I was truly feeling for him! Meaning, that how I ended up in love with Matt, my darling, so much! But I'm not just anyone, that would say to any guys, "I want you! Or! "Your mine! Like how a lot of paretic girls, out there, nowadays, think! Then, someone like myself, who doesn't!
But whom, those out there now, just like to play a dirty game half of the time, with whoever they maybe with! By telling the guy, that they maybe with, "ha! "ha! "Look, now! "I'm pregnant! "So, you're mine and no one can have yeah! As well as, probably even saying to themselves, "I've now got you trap! "Course, now, you have got responsibilities and you can't leave me! Like how Matts other half, had gone and done to him, way back then! Because of how they actually thought, I or even possibly anyone else, was interested in Matt!
Which, I don't think that was right at all to do! Course, if I was younger, or even now, well firstly, I would never, never play a dirty rotten game to trap a guy down! So, they could never think for themselves! Or even carry on with their own lives to see what they truly want for themselves! But there again, as for my old dream! A dream, that if it would ever come true, for meeting that special person well, I would always believed, those sort of feelings for anyone, would last for entirely! Then rather one minute, of saying, to that person, "I want to be with you! Then shortly after, telling them, "I don't wanna be with you anymore!
Which, once again, was just how Matt and his so-called wifie had acted back then! When they were around, before she had decided to fuck his live away! By getting her huge, humongous, fat, blob of a body, pregnant! From not true love though! As we all knew way back then, with Matt and her! As, well as, we all knew basically, their relationship wasn't real! Course some would even told me, that, "he probably doesn't even know that what the hell he wants! Because as it was an on, off going relationship again! And this was all because of not allowing Matt to ever live his life and make his own mistakes!
Which getting back to say that if I had or could ever meet someone, which, I now can't ever see that for happing! Because for what all those pathetic idiots, from my old work had played with my feelings! Which I know that they had! Well, I wouldn’t have probably grown into caring so much for Matt, as I did! As well as, ending up in love with Matt himself! Let alone, that while I was still there, most of those Barstards, including some my friends from Wackys, had kept telling me, "that how they could definitely see that there was something going on, between both of us! Which I couldn't see!
Because of how at times, while Matt was still there or not, had treated me so differently, to how he was, with the rest of them! Which, was always like he turned slightly horrible towards me! As if he seemed really cross or mad for no reason! Or even got so bloody moody with me for no apparent reason! Not to say, that at times, he even asked me to go away from him! While he carries on, being oh, so nice with all the other! By allowing them to put their arms around him, in front of me with a little smirk on his face! Which in some way, I thought, was so childish!
Which at the time, was surely was what he was doing! But whenever, he had treated me in that way, well that was the only time I had thought also, what’s going on with you, Matt? As, well as, wondering why, are you like this, to me?
Because even though, I’ve never in my entire life had really felt like this for anybody! Have got to say, did now feel something was really happening to me? Because I couldn’t explain of how I truly felt at the start, of how I was left feeling so confused! And a little mixed-up for this guy! Which was a little bit scary, because, it was later on, that I had kept thinking, what’s really happening to me? Just what's happening to me?
But because I couldn’t explain of really how I truly felt at the start, had left me feeling in some way, confused and mixed-up for the guy! As, it was only later, that I had kept thinking about what’s really happening to you, Sandy? And why did those idiots from work all seem to be acting in this way, towards me? Which, as you know, was making me feel that they were all constantly playing with my emotions over Matt! But most of all, why did all of them, wanted to act in this way, towards me and no one else? As that’s what I would have liked to have known back then!
Anyway, getting straight back to that day that I had told myself that I think I needed to be cheered-up a bit! Or if not! Just try to take my mind of knowing that my darling, Matt, who I had now truly loved so very much, was working his very last day with us! Because if I hadn’t gone straight over to see my friends from Wacky's that knew of how I truly felt for Matt! Or even could have, had some pretty good idea of how I liked him in that way! Would know in myself, that I would start crying in front of everybody that was around the Kingfisher Centre!
The only thing though, while now I was surrounded by them all, well no matter how they tried to cheer me up or take my mind of him, just still could not do so! Because as I knew this was Matts last day of working with us, well I still felt that in any minute now, I was going to pour my eyes out with tears! And if I can recall, this girl had felt it was harder for her to leave at the precise moment, while feeling like this!
As for my friends there, well, while one of them, Roxie had took me down to their staff-room to try and cheer me up, by who after making me a drink, saw I had a tear running down from my cheek! But it was before, I had poured my heart out to her over how I really loved Matt so much! That she, like the rest of them, afterwards, had noticed that by the look on my face, I was definitely hurting! So, after putting her arm around my shoulder, to comfort me, she then noticed by now, that I was definitely crying over Matt so much!
And because I do see myself as being a true romantic at heart! Well, what I’ve always believed is, if anyone such as myself that as discovered that they could be in love with someone! But who thinks that if they will start crying in front of that certain person, because they may now not ever see them again! Would not only be so wrong in feeling broken-hearted as I truly felt at the time! But who wouldn't wanna allow them to see me in tears!
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