WAS TOLD SHE WAS TRULY NOW, IN LOVE!
Now, before this event had ever occurred, because of how everyone from that work had played upon my feelings and I do mean, everyone. So that I wouldn’t know whether I was either coming or going of how I might be starting to feel for Matt. Course, for someone like myself, who had never in their entire lives had those feelings before, whether it was love feelings or not, well they were still feelings!
So, there was no doubt about it, what they were really doing, was so curl, because it this left me so confused, like I was really trying to understand of what was happening to myself at first, but, who at the same time had wanted to know of why they were all doing this to someone like me? As, I was damn to know why, that what they could see what they were trying to do, had work, but yet, who was hurting her feelings! Which, as you know, tried to make this poor girl, have those special feelings that really should have been amazing as well as, wonderful, if it would have ever happened for really, for ending up falling head over heels in love with someone special!
Anyway, while I was feeling like this back then, but also, feeling like I was all messed up because one minute, I was feeling so very happy, then the next of feeling so miserable, that at times would make yours truly cry for no apparent reason! But who after telling one of my friends that worked at a nearby coffee shop called, "Esquires" of how I was truly feeling for this certain person as well as, asking them, “what can you possibly think that all these feeling that I’m going through, could possibly mean?"
Because first of all, for really thinking how can anyone in their right mind see me, "Sandy" as either "pretty," "beautiful" "or even more so, Attractive? Well, how can they? Course, I know, for a fact, from experience in my past of being bullied, that there is no way on gods earth a guy would truly look at me in that way! Just no way! So, why! "Oh why, was those fucking "Barstards" from where I use to work, all those many years ago, had wanted to play upon this poor girl emotions, over someone that either dislike her or hated her guts, course it was the way Matt had simply turn into bloody "Hyde" with only me at times!
Because truly how I was feeling, was once again, all down to those from work, but, what would you just loved to imagine if none of them hadn’t played upon my feelings, as they did! “Would I still end up feeling like the way as I did," "or still do, as it's been now fifteen years, since I worked there, as well as, whom allowed herself, to firstly like a person, but who had sadly because of them, truly had ended up falling head over heels in love in with this guy? "Well, would I?
As that’s what I would have loved to have known! So, while my friend had tried to explain shortly after I told him that, well, what he thought my feelings had meant was, it was definitely the first stages of falling in love! Which, I did ask them then, "if you would know these feelings that I have, would ever go?" Because, as I never felt like this for anyone before, had now started, to scared myself.
Because it was only around then, that I did try to deny to myself, that it was really all of them, that started to make me feel the way I had. As I wasn’t just feeling shocked or surprised, but mostly a little bit mixed-up from how I was starting to feel. Not forgetting, how I did feel quiet confused from it all, because of how I was also, trying to understand it.
As well as, thinking to myself, as I
sure didn’t want to go through all that again, with him! Because last time, he certainly acted like Hyde, from "Jekyll and Hyde" films.
Because, of what I can remember, back then, when Matt had really, shouted at me at the top of his voice, course, I was only trying to cheer him up, he also got Deek involved, so I would end up in more trouble, when Deek had got back, the following day. But saying all that, now at least this time I didn’t have to worry of what Deek may say, if Matt had found out, like last time, because it was Deek, himself, that wanted to know, “what was wrong with me in the first place. Though, I'm sure he knew.
Only, as for keeping my secret now, from you know who? Well, only time will tell, because of how I know them all from bloody work, had always stuck together-like, bullies, would, from any old School that I may have been and pick on some poor kid! So, what I’m saying is, even though I told Deek "please don't breath a word of this, to Matt, wouldn’t surprised me, he would! But like I said, at least I could put my mind at rest, that Deek, this time had knew as well as he took it well because of the way he was smiling at me, as he did, when I told him of this!
After telling Deek of this though, I also asked him, “please! “Just please, don’t mention this to Matt?" Which I also said to Deek for some reason, “as I just don’t get it! “How can I really love someone?" “And someone, as you know, like him! Because there was no doubt about it of course, that Deek did knew of whom I was talking about. As I then continued to say to Deek, “I can’t tell him that I love him, I just can’t! As it’s easy if it was you Deek, because I don’t love you," "So, I can say, I love you Deek without feeling so nervous in front of yeah, or shy."