Wednesday, 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 20



 Chapter 20


                                                                  THE TIME


                                      WE ALL ENDED UP GOING BOWLING!

                                                   BUT WHO DIDN'T PLAY

                               ONLY, IT WAS THE ONLY, CHANCE FOR SANDY


                                                   COMFORTING MATT!

  Now, before I’ll tell you what happened on this event, well let me just remind you it was all because of how they had most of the time treated me, as well as, how you know how they were all playing with my feelings for sure!  Because what happened was, as another Christmas was approaching most of the guys had decided that they had wanted to do something complete different, then rather going for a Christmas meal, like going bowling.   Only, even though how much I had loved bowling, well because of how they had all been treating me which as you know had always ended up so miserable, had decided, I’m not going with them!

 So, after telling Deek, “I don’t think I’ll be going,” or it could have been, Deek told him "do you mind so much, if I just don’t go to this bowling that you lot are going?"  But no sooner then I had, that it looked like Deek had seemed that he wanted me to go.  Because, all he could say at that moment, was, please rethink your decision of not going Sandy."  Then, by adding, “it’s because Matt had wanted you to go.”  "Because, when Matt found out that you weren’t, well can’t you see that he’s been looking so miserable in himself."  

 Which, when I had, must admit Matt did look so down then upset with this news of mine.  Why, he even wouldn’t stop asking me of  why don’t you want to go bowling with us Sandy?"  But what I found out then, before he had kept asking me over and over of "are you coming with us or not?"  Was, Matt had already decided that I was in his team for playing bowling.  And this was even without asking me.

 Which once again, because of how they had all were to me, made me decided how would they all feel if maybe I would spoil their Christmas by being the only member of staff that wouldn’t join in yet again, with them.  And when most of the others had heard of my news well they had also, seemed to want to know of why I had ended up deciding not to go bowling with them?  And even though, Matt and Deek had already knew of this, well if it weren’t for Deek of spilling the beans, that, "Matt was the one, that wanted you to go Sandy," then I wouldn’t have known because from the two, it was Matt all along that wouldn’t stop in asking me, “why aren’t you going Sandy?"   

 But because of how they all truly were to me, well I just couldn’t really forgive or forget them, because when all those who at times, decided to hurt my feelings, by being rather horrible.  But saying that, I think I was only referring to how Matt was really being towards  me, more then rather the others.  Since, it was only him, that I truly cared for that I did at certain times, reconsider of changing my mind of not going but not because that everyone had kept asking me of why I weren’t going.  “No!  But, it was more to do with Matt, that I was really considering of changing my mind over again, even though, what I said about how I couldn’t forgive or forget all those that in the past had been horrible to me especially, (Brown Eyes), Matt.  As I just couldn’t do this any more to the guy.                  

 But, even though, I did change my mind more than once, I did eventually say "I will go with you guys," which, when Matt had finally heard that I was going with them, well couldn’t help but smiling away, like a Cheshire-Cat would, from "Alice In Wonderland," but, not as stupid as that, as Matt, was just giving me one of his lovely smiles.  But still, something was niggling in the back of my mind, of telling myself, should I really go or not?   Because of shortly after that, I kept hearing that how they were all travelling together-like, which made me feel a little unsure as well as uncomfortable, because of thinking, was we all going are own way, to Rubery?  Because, if so, then I believed that I had to make my own way there by getting a taxi, so sadly, once again, I thought, well if that’s the case, I won’t go!

 Only, as I thought of how Matt might have take to this again, or should I say how the guy would react to this, had really wanted to apologise to him softly, but in a nice possible way, that I can, then rather going up to him straight up and say to him straight out, "that I’m sorry Matt, but I’ve changed my mind again," "I’m not going with you guys, after all."  Got a blank card and written inside, I’m truly sorry Matt, but I’ve decided that I’m not going after all, to the bowling, that all you guys are going.  The only problem was, no sooner then I had went to him, while he was on his lunch break with his mate Ben, to not only try to explain, to him, but also, that I wanted to give him this card of mine.  Which, instead of thinking he would either say, “thanks, Sandy,” while maybe looking at what I had written or ask me, “why Sandy?"  The outcome was not at all good, course, Matt just simply went in, a outburst of anger, at me, then, who threw the card right back at my face, saying out loud, “my god,"  "why, don’t you grow-up."

 Which trying not to show Matt that I was really bothered by what he had just said or done, suddenly turned around so quickly, because deep down I knew Matt had truly hurt my feelings yet, again as like always though.  Because of how I felt way back then, over him, but which at any minute now, tears did feel like that they were going to appear from my face and run down it.  But luckily for me, I held these tears of mine aback, so no one could try and notice that something was either wrong or upsetting me.  

 Only, while Deek just came wondering into the back, at that precise moment and who I was just about to go out from the back door, asked Deek nicely, "if he could possibly try to explain to Matt of why I was not going with them now," as well as asking him, "if he wouldn’t mind so much in giving this card back to Matt?"  Because of really knowing full well, that Matt didn’t want to accept it, when I tried to give the card to him.   But no sooner then I had handed Deek this card, that a tear did reappeared upon my face and slowly ran down it, which I think Deek had realised then, that Matt must have upset me, only he couldn't ask me, as I went out before he could say anything else, to me.  But as I was leaving, one of the Christmas staff that was nearby had noticed I was crying a little more, as I couldn’t hold back no more when I reached the entrance to our shop.  

 Only, what I thought was so odd, was just shortly after I left them all and went straight over to see my friends over to Wacky’s so I could try to cheer myself up, well who should be walking in?  But Deek!  Though, as he did, even though he made out that he was there to see Lynette about something couldn’t help from wondering, wondering because it was the way he spoke to me after seeing me said, “well you can talk!  Then, ending up saying, “Matt wants to see you?"  Which, once again made me wonder, but why?  Especially, as he just told me, “why don’t you grow-up,” not forgetting, how he threw my card right back at me, when I tried to give it to him.

 Anyway, just once again I thought, why did Matt want to really speak to me?  As I sure don’t know!  But still, after Deek told me, “Matt wants to see you Sandy?"  Had went back to see him, only as I did, found out he weren’t there by Ben who said, “Matt’s just popped round to see his mum, but who won’t be long.”  Waited for his return and when he did, well let’s just say, just by gazing into those adorable brown eyes of his, while he was walking towards me, had truly thought, 'have I made a very huge mistake by changing my mind yet, again, into not going with them?  As, I still did wonder whether could this be the reason of why he really wanted to see me? 

 Though, what still seemed so strange was, it really had looked like Matt was the one that truly kept on asking me of, "why weren’t you going?"  Or even, "why have you changed your mind again?"  Which when I finally told him and Deek well, Deek then said, “did you really actually think that I would have let you made your own way there by getting a taxi Sandy?"  “Hey!  “Well did you?"  Which, all that I could think of saying was, “no!  Then, as Matt went off to serve someone, Deek told me of why Matt had really wanted me to go could say, had really put things into perspective, because of what he just said, was, “Matt was the one, that truly wanted you to go more then the others Sandy.”  But thinking about it then, if this was true or not, of what did Deek said, really had thought, that this was so nice to hear.

 But after Deek had reassured me that what he just said about Matt, was really the only one that wanted me to go with them well all that really came to mind was a big, “Aww!  But then I couldn’t help looking at this as a bit romantic because it was actually Matt that kept asking me of, “why weren’t you going?  As well as, you know it was Deek that told me that it was more Matt that wanted me to go with them to this bowling.  Which, I then decided I’ll call my folks to tell them that not only everyone had still wanted me to go bowling with them, but that everyone was going altogether, Deek said he would take me."  But as Deek was near, to you know who, well, I thought, it might be best if I would speak to them, as well as to Matt. 

 So, after I past my phone over to Deek so that he could tell them that everyone was all going together, but he personally was going to take me along with a few of the others there and back!  I went over to Matt and said, “well are you alright now, that I’m now going?"  Which all Matt said was, “you’re more part of the staff then anyone, so why don’t you think I would be alright?"  Which, I couldn’t help but thinking to myself, if only you could have said something else, like telling me yourself, "that it’s you, that had wanted me to go bowling more."  But, he hadn't, did he!  No!  So, when this big day had finally approached, well first, of all because I had that day off, had came into work later, much later in fact, when it was near to the time everyone was finishing.  As I didn’t want to get ready to early and then go out, but who as I got there and saw a lot of them, were still carrying on their work, decided to go in the back and wait for them all to finish.

 Only, just before I made my way to the back, what I didn’t realise at that moment,  happened, but happened to late, course, I certainly didn’t think Matt knew that I was coming his way because he wasn’t just doing something at the time, but he was actually facing the back from me.  So, really he couldn’t have known, I was just walking past him, but if it won’t for my quick thinking of walking around him well who knows what would have happened next?  Because as I made way, towards the back so I could wait for them all to finish up saw Deek smiling away, at me but while I had, looked like he was watching the monitor that was above his desk, in his office as his door was wide open but who knows whether he was or not, only that, it was how he looked to me, while I was going past him.  But, which had also made me feel back then, that could he have seen what had nearly happened with Matt and myself, if that was for my quick thinking, of maybe walking straight into each other.

 Anyway, while I was waiting for them all to finish up in the staff-room, something that seemed weird, but which, I can’t really explain either, since I couldn’t work out to what was going on around me was happening.  As, it started when Leah had first walked into the back and gave me a look, while smiling at me in away that I would have to say not just myself but who, if I think anyone would see her going past that staff-room door, would not just once, but twice, without fetching anything, wonder to themselves, what were they up to?  Because, that’s what Leah had kept on doing, while I was waiting away, in the staff-room, for them.                       

Then, just shortly after seeing Leah going in and out from the back, still without getting anything may I add, who should I see coming wondering in the back?  But first, Deek and then, Matt which when Deek saw me in the staff-room looking at a magazine gave me a smile.  But as I thought, were they probably both heading to do something else, had both walked straight into the staff-room also, where I was.  Only, after I suddenly saw them coming in, first Deek who for some reason had just stopped at the door allowing Matt to past by him, but which once again, made me wonder what this time?  Had also, started to think, 'what’s going on?  Because, as it was the way, Deek was standing doing absolutely nothing, only, smiling at me, while Matt on the other hand, went to just sit down behind me, continuing to look at me, while I was trying to look at this magazine. 

 But while I was, well I heard Deek asking me, “is that a new top Sandy?"  Which I replied, “yes!  By nodding just slightly to him and then turned round because of the way Deek glanced over to where Matt was, with a smile and that little look about him.  So, after seeing Deek was looking at where Matt was, I then turned around to look at Matt, which as soon as I had, not just gave me that biggest smile of his, but who had also, gave me that look, that always, could have knocked me out, right there and then.  Only, I must admit it weren’t his smile that was making me feel like that, but it was really more of the way he was always looking at me with those hypnotic Brown eyes of his, and I certainly do mean, eyes that could hypnotise me, in a flash, by just gazing into my direction.  Because, as you know, he had the most lovely biggest brown eyes that I’ve ever did see.  But whom, I had allowed myself, to wonder at times, if he weren’t looking at me, could still probably imagine or dream, what if though, that he was looking directly, at my direction, could easily knock me down, right out there and then. 

 Anyway, after I saw Matt looking at me the way he did, well like I said, because of how he made me feel, by gazing into those deep brown eyes, once again, not forgetting that smile, well, as soon as I turned back to Matt, got up, then they both walked straight back out.  Which left me in suspense, to what was all that about?  Because, it was really how they didn’t do anything at all, while they were in the staff-room and as for when I looked at them, both while they were leaving, well all that I saw was Deek for some reason, putting his arm around Matt, like as if Matt was either upset about something or just feeling a bit down.  Which, I really did wondered then, to why this was happening?  Course, it weren’t that long I saw Matt giving me a lovely smile like he something's had, as well as giving me that nice look of his.

 Then, what happened next was just before Matt and Ben was leaving to get themselves ready for this bowling, had heard my name more than once, from afar, which as I turned around slightly noticed it was Matt waving to me with the most huge smile upon his on face, while Ben, on the other hand tried to tell him, “we better be going Matt.”  Which if you ask me, didn’t seem to be paying any attention to Ben, but more to me!  Because it was just the way he gave me that certain look with that smile that could have made me thought, “is Matt paying more attention to me?  As, he didn’t seem to be wanting to hear anything what Ben was trying to say, while I had notice him outside the window of our shop.            

 Anyway, first, it seem that you were on the way to Pete’s house, before heading towards the bowling-ally, as well as, while on our way, there, one of us, in Deek’s car had this crazy idea, of maybe getting a Chinese takeaway at the same time.  But whose idea was this?   Only, that it was definitely someone in Deek’s car either Pete or Leah while Deek was driving us to Pete’s house.  So, after getting our Chinese that we had all ordered and waited for, we then made way, to Pete’s house which after arriving Deek had first went upstairs to get himself ready while Leah and myself was waiting in the living-room with Pete who while watching the TV, Pete’s phone started to ring.  As soon as Pete answered it, instead of saying, “who’s speaking?"  Like really you do!  Well, all he said was, “yes," “she’s here.”  So, really god knows what he meant then, by saying that, because it sounded like he could have known already who was calling, as well as, what they were probably going to ask him!

 Now, when Deek had finally came down stairs, Pete had then, decided to go up and so while waiting for the other two to arrive, Deek had decided that we better get tuck into eating our Chinese.   Only, what seemed strange was, while I was tucking into eating my Chinese, my mind wasn’t really on Matt like I usually was, but how the food was so nice.  That is no sooner then I finished and heard both Ben and Matt come waltzing in then, my mind went flooding back into thinking of Matt again.  Because as Ben popped upstairs to also, get himself ready for this bowling that we were expecting to go, Matt came wondering in the kitchen where we all were with a huge smile on his face, which where I couldn’t help myself from feeling was he smiling at me?  Then rather to everyone, because of the way he just simply only looked at me then rather the rest of others.

 Though, after arriving at the bowling-ally, we all thought that since we got there a few minutes earlier, of why don’t we all go to the bar and get ourselves a drink?  So, that’s what we did!  Only, when it was time for us to go and play, well that’s when disaster had strike, because just before we could all play, which I’ve say was looking forward two, two Security Guards came walking towards us all, which shortly after seeing Deek talking to them to find out what was the problem, had also, saw both Matt and Ben approaching him.  Only, from where I was, all that I could see but not heard, was Deek had looked like he was getting so angry with them, as well as Matt and Ben.

 As they were all seemed to be arguing with these Security Guards about something which  by the look of it had seem to really upset Matt even more then the other two which at first didn’t know of why until we had all found out after.  Only, at the same time, had actually thought now that was so not right!  Because what we were actually all told was, “we’ve got to all leave without playing any of the game,” because some idiots from the bar had blamed poor Matt for a smashed glass while we were all in there before.  Those Bastards, as I thought, for hurting Matt!  Which we had all knew  wasn’t true, because at the time we had all stuck together.  So, really what we all wanted to know was, how on earth, could Matt break anything if he was with us all along?  “Hey! Just how?

 Just before we all left though well all Matt could say and who had kept on saying this was, “oh!  “I’m so sorry Sandy, I’m really truly so sorry.”  Which all I could remember then, was while he had kept on saying, “I’m sorry Sandy, over and over again, to me, as well as, went up to him and said, “it’s not your fault, so please Matt don’t blame yourself for this!  Well, really you should have seen him, nearly in tears and I do mean nearly in tears as he truly believed that it was him that stopped us from enjoying ourselves, as well as probably who had ruined the game for us all.  Which I then, couldn’t help myself from really wanting to get a lot closer to him, to wipe that looked like a tear reappearing from his soft, gentle cheek.   As I thought then, I did see a tear running down your cheek Matt. Truly I did!

 Though, even after we left the building, Matt had kept apologising to me over and over again, and still it was only to myself, then rather to anyone else, which also couldn’t work out, to really what was going on here?  And why, was he only seemed to be apologising to only myself, then the others!  But that didn’t mean, to say that I didn’t like it, because for some reason, I still couldn’t help but think, how Matt seem really nice towards me, even though, he had a few drinks-like with the others to show it.

So, while we were both sitting down near to each other, waiting for the other two taxis that Deek called for, had saw both Pete and Leah coming closer to us, then, who looked like they were embracing each other romantically-like, as if they came so close to kissing.  Which I just couldn’t help but wondering to myself, first, Aww!  How romantic, but who then, thought to myself, by looking at Matt, ‘oh! ‘Matt, if only you could maybe thought of that to?  Course, just seeing how both Pete and Leah were really embracing-like, like they were in love which, I'm sure they weren't, well the way I was truly feeling for Matt now, while looking at him at this moment especially, after he had kept apologising to only myself for what he thought was his fault, just couldn’t help of dreaming away, of why couldn’t you Matt be like that right now, towards me? 

 Because of how I may not have another chance in not only being so very close to you as I am now, but who I may surprise not just yourself, but myself also, by doing something I’ve never would have thought of doing!  Which bring me to what I did then, because while seeing him still so very upset about what happened, well after I kept telling Matt, “oh!  “Please Matt, don’t upset yourself like this?"  “As it’s not your fault!  I then, without thinking, ruffled his hair just slightly, as trying to place my arm around him, so I could comfort him even more.   Can’t remember in doing that, even though I could have, which was a sad shame.

 Maybe, it’s because shortly after I kept trying, to tell Matt to, “please don’t upset yourself, like this.”  While adding, “it’s not your fault!  Not forgetting, of how I ruffled his hair but whom after I had, turned nasty on me, by really starting to swear over and over again, like as if he was even angry at me now.  Which again, was why I truly referred Matt, to the name of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.  As for myself, well, no sooner that he had kept on swearing to me as well as, told me to, "just go away," so nastily, that I ended up walking away, as far as I could, from him, mainly because no matter how I tried, the guy had really now, pushed his luck, by still continuing to swear at me.  Which I must confess, really had hurt me so, only the way I walked off, as I  had, near in tears, well most of the others could see that Matt had truly upset me, even more so, both Deek and Ben could see this, as I had my head down to hide these tears while going further and further from them.

 Only, what was really going through my mind while I was walking further away from all of them especially, from you know who?  Was what made Matt all of a sudden change as he did?  Because as soon as I heard (Brown Eyes), which I was referring to Matt as you know, apologising to only myself then, while we were still inside, that is, well part of me, even then had felt like giving Matt a gentle kiss, and I was referring to real kiss then, a kiss upon his cheek, like I once did.  

 Because as you know, the last time I did kiss someone, was Matt, but it wasn't intentionally, like, or romantic-wise that I had, gave him a kiss upon his soft cheek.   As, I was sort of trick into doing it by little Liz more then, Fiona who had worked with us at the time.  Which I did think, was embarrassing because of what I told you that I’ve never kiss anyone in my entire life before.  Though, what was so funny, was when we all finally got back to Town well what caught my eye was first, when the guys, all got out of their taxi well, who should be looking straight at me?  But, Matt!  But with his gorgeous deep brown eyes staring directly at me, couldn’t help for gazing into his eyes.  Only, while we were gazing at each other Deek noticed something was going on between us both, by the way he saw us both looking at each of us with a smile.  A shy smile that is.


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