Wednesday, 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 20



 Chapter 20




                           THE TIME WE ALL ENDED UP GOING BOWLING!

                                                   BUT WHO DIDN'T PLAY

                               ONLY, IT WAS THE ONLY, CHANCE FOR SANDY


                                                   COMFORTING MATT!

  Now, before I’ll tell you what happened on this event, well let me just remind you it was all because of how they mostly treated me half of the time!  As well as, how you know who? Had didn't help me either!  Course of joining in, along side with all the others, to play with my feelings!  Which, now I can say, they are all complete Barstards!  Because of what happened!  

 You see, like any ordinary Christmas had approached, most of the guys had wanted to do something different!  Then, rather going for a Christmas meal, as we normally do so!  Thought, why don't we go bowling?  The only thing was even though, how much I so loved bowling, well how they all were acting towards me had decided there and then, that I weren't going with them!  The only thing was, after telling Deek, “I don’t think I’ll be going!  Or it could have been, "would you mind, if I don’t go to this bowling, that you lot are going Deek!  Had looked at me as if  he wanna to ask me, but, why wouldn't you want to go Sandy?  

 But instead, all that came out of his mouth was, "please rethink your decision of not going Sandy?"  Then, by adding, “it’s because Matt had wanted you to go.”  Which, I did wonder, you what?  Matt had wanted me to go!  But, why?  As I wondered to myself, because as it was Matt, was the one that showed me in every way, he really didn't like me!  So, what on earth did Deek mean, it was Matt that had wanted me to go with them?  As he was mostly pretty mean to me, then acting like a nicer person!  

 Anyway, as Deek continued in trying to tell me that, "when Matt found out that you weren’t coming, well can’t you see that he’s been looking a bit miserable in himself!  Which, when I did see Matt had noticed that he had looked slightly down with the news that I told Deek!  Why!  Would you believe that he wouldn’t stop asking me, "why, don’t you want to go bowling with us Sandy?"  "Why?"  

 But what I found out before he kept asking me of this, over and over was, "are you coming with us or not?"  Like he was on his way, of turning into  Mr Hyde his nasty personality, with me, yet again!  Because of what I decided!  Course, what I had thought was, did Matt  already decided I was in his team, for playing bowling?  And this was even without asking me!

 As the real reason, of why I really refused for going was how they all treated me!  By playing with my emotions over and over again, like silly stupid kids!  Rather acting like professional growing-ups in just enjoying with one another!  So, because of this, was the whole reason once again of why I said what I had said, to Deek!  No matter what Deek told me of Matts feelings, when he had found out I wasn't going!  It was definitely course they were really horrible to me!  So, yes!  I did think then, that I'II try and spoil their Christmas, by being the only member of staff that wouldn’t joining in, by saying, "I won't go with you! 

 Though, when most of the others had heard of my news, well they even had all wanted to know of why I had ended up deciding not to go bowling with them!  And even though, Matt and Deek had already knew, well if it weren’t for Deek of spilling the beans, that, Matt was the one, that wanted me to go, then I wouldn’t have known!  Because from the two, it was Matt that had all along wouldn’t stop in asking me, “why aren’t you going Sandy?"  "Just why?"   

 But still!  Because of how they were all towards me, I just couldn’t forgive or forget them!  Because when all of those flaming idiots from work had thought to themselves, to come on now!  Lets have fun with Sandy!  Had also mainly, referred to how Matt was being with me, more then rather the others!  Since, it was Matt, that I had truly cared for!  So, it wasn't because that everyone had kept asking me of why I weren’t going?  As it was more to do with Matt, that I kept on reconsidering and changing my mind over and over again!  Even though, what I said about how I couldn’t forgive or forget to all those that in the past, it was my brown eyes, aka Matt that something told me, I could!  Because it was how I felt for him!                   

 So, like I mentioned, even though I had reconsider of changing my mind more than once, for Matt I did eventually say, "I will go!  Which, when Matt had finally heard that, well let me tell you, how he couldn’t help himself, but smile away!  And oh boy!  It was like how that Cheshire-Cat that sat on a tree, from Alice In bloody Wonderland had!  But not so stupid or ridiculous!  Thank god!  As all Matt was just doing-like was giving me one of his lovely, but shy smiles, that I just couldn't stop noticing!  Because this was very rare of me to see him of smiling across in my direction!  With that look of his, melting, mesmerising and captivating eyes, that made my tiny little hairs at the back of my neck stand on end!    

 Because shortly after that, I had kept hearing how they were all travelling together-like! Which made me feel a little unsure and slightly uncomfortable about it!  Because of  thinking, was we still all going are own ways, to Rubery?  Course, if so?  Then, I believed I thought I would have to make my own way there, by getting a taxi!   So sadly, this girl had once again changed her mind!

 Only, I had thought of how Matt might have taken to this yet again!  Or should I say how the guy would react to this, if I apologised to him softly, but in a nice possible way!  As I would know if  I went straight up to him to say yet again, "that I’m sorry Matt, but I’ve changed my mind again," "I’m not going with you guys!  That he would flip!  So, what I've gone and done was, I brought a blank card and started to write something inside, to tell Matt I'm sorry Matt!  But I’ve decided not to go to this bowling!   

 The only problem was, after handing this card over to him, while he was on his lunch-break with Ben, trying to explain!  Instead of thinking Matt would either say, "thanks, Sandy!  While looking at what I had written!  Or thinking, he would ask me, “why Sandy?"  The outcome was not good!  Course, Matt went in a outburst with anger!  Then, who threw the card right back in my face!  Saying out loud, “my god!  "Why, don’t you grow-up!  Which, yes!  Did certainly upset me!

 But who I was not to show Matt that he had, by what he said or done in front of his mate and colleague then, Ben!  As I suddenly turned around quickly, because of knowing deep down, I knew Matt had truly hurt my feelings!  Because this was of how I felt way back then for him!  But which, at any minute now, had felt like tears were about to appear, from my face!  But luckily for me, I held back, so no one could try and notice that something was either wrong or upsetting me!  

 Only, as Deek came wondering in the back, at that precise moment, while I was just about to go out from the back door, asked Deek nicely, "could you possibly try to explain to Matt of why I was not going with them now?  As well as, asking him of course, "if you wouldn’t mind so much, in giving this card back to Matt?"  Because of knowing full well, that Matt didn’t want to accept it, when I tried to give the card to him!   

 But no sooner then I had handed Deek this card over to him, that a tear did reappeared upon my face and slowly ran down it!  Which, I did think, did Deek notice something was upsetting me or not?  Only, I think he didn't want to ask, as I was about to pop out from the door!  Though, it wasn't until I was leaving, that one of the Christmas temps, nearby had certainly noticed I was crying!  As, I couldn’t hold my tears no more, while I reached our entrance to our shop!  

 Only, what I thought was odd, was?  Shortly after I left and went straight over to see my friends over to Wacky’s so I could try and cheer myself up, that who should wondering in?  But Deek!  And as he did, well, he made out that he was there to see Lynette about something!  But something had told me that I couldn’t help wondering, the way he had spoken and said, “well you can talk!  Well, was the guy really there to see Lynette?  Or not?  

 As he ended up saying, “Matt wants to see you?"  Which, by-god, made me wonder, but why?  Especially, as he just told me, “why don’t you grow-up!  Not forgetting, how he threw my card right back at my face, when I had tried to give it to him!  Which, if it weren't for how I felt for that idiot, as I was referring to Matt!  Could honestly say, "you're a fucking Prick Matt!

 Anyway, as I thought, but why did Matt had want to speak to me?  As I sure didn’t know!  But still!  After Deek had told me of this, well I did pop back to see Matt!  The only thing was, when I had I found he weren’t there from Ben!  As Ben said, “Matt’s just popped round to see his mum," "but who wouldn't be long!  So, while I waited for his return, well let’s just say, by the time he had returned, all that I could do was gaze into those bloody adorable sexy brown eyes of his!  As he wondered towards me!  Which, by gazing into those deep, dark brown eyes of his had made me wonder, have I made a huge mistake by changing my mind again!   

 Though, what still seemed so strange was, it really looked had looked-like Matt was the one that had kept on asking me, "why weren’t you going Sandy?"  Or even asking, "why have you changed your mind again?"  Which all that came to mind was when I finally told him and Deek, Deek had replied, “did you really think that I would have let you made your own way there, by getting a taxi Sandy?"  “Hey!  “Well did you?"  

 Which, all that I could think of saying then was, “no!  Then, as Matt went off to serve someone, Deek told me of why Matt had really wanted me to go!  Which you could say, had put things into perspective!  Because of what he said was, “but, Matt was really the one, that had wanted you to go more then the others Sandy!  But thinking about it then, if this was true, well what did Deek say about Matt was really nice to hear!

 But after Deek reassured me that what he just said about Matt, of how he was the only one that had wanted me to go from the rest, well all that came in mind, was thinking to myself, Aww!  Because of being a little romantic, had sort of made me thought, how I couldn’t help seeing this like watching one of those romantic films that I used to love watching!  Because of finding out it was only Matt that kept on asking me of, “why weren’t you going?"    

 As well as, Deek telling me that it was Matt that truly wanted you, Sandy to go with us to this bowling!  Couldn't help in now, calling my folks to just tell them that not only everyone had still wanted me to go bowling!  But just as I were, Deek said, "I'll take you Sandy, with some of the others!  But as Deek was near, to you know who?  I thought was Matt hearing what we were saying?   

 So, after I past my phone over to Deek, so he could confirm to my folks that everyone was all going together!  He the said how he was going to take me along with a few others there and back!  Which I went over to Matt and said, “well are you alright now, that I’m now going?"  Only, all Matt said was, “you’re more part of the staff then anyone," "so why didn’t you think I wouldn't be alright with it?"  Which, with that, I couldn’t help but thinking to myself, if only you could have said something else!  Like telling me yourself, "that it’s you, that had wanted me to go bowling more!  But, oh no!  He hadn't, did he!    

 So, when this big day had finally came well first, of all because I had that day off, I came into work later!  When it was near to the time that everyone was about to finish!  As I didn’t want to go to early, in case I could have been in the way of them working!  So, when this girl had eventually came waltzing into work that evening, well I still saw a lot of them still carrying on with their work!  Which all that I thought was, wait in the back for them to all finish!

 Only, just before I made my way there, well what I didn’t expect to happen was what happened, happened!  Course, what had happened was?  No sooner then I had slowly walked through the back door, to enter the staff-room, that who should be in the way of the door?  But my darling, Matt! As he was coming my way at the same time!  Because he was just about to do something, as I just opened the door!  Only, he was facing the back from me!  So, really he couldn’t have known, who was just walking past him!  And if it won’t for my quick thinking of walking under his arm!  Well who knows what would have happened next?  Hey!  

 Because just before I had, walked into the back, to wait for them, I first noticed Deek was giving me a little smile, while at the same time he was watching the monitor!  That was just above his desk in his small office!  Course of the door of being wide open, but at the same time, of what I told you, who I had slightly bumped into my darling, Matt!  Which, to be perfectly honest, would have really liked something to have happened!  

Because, as I didn't think he was expecting anyone, let alone myself, to open the door right there and then and just waltz in the back, at that precise moment!  But, which had also made me feel, that could he have seen what would have nearly happened with myself and him?  If it wasn't for my quick thinking!  Course of maybe walking straight into each other!  Which, I've got to admit way back then, would have certainly made this girls day, as I said!

 Anyway, while waiting for them all to finish up in the staff-room, something that seemed weird, but which, I can’t really explain either, as I couldn’t work out to what was going on or either happening, happened.  As, it started when Leah had first wondered into the back and gave me a glance, while passing the staff-room door, along with a smile.  That I would have to say, not for myself, but whoever was probably in my place, would see her going past that staff-room door, so many times, back and forth, back and forth again, without fetching anything, wondered to themselves also, "what were they up to?  Because, that’s what Leah had kept on doing, while I was still waiting for them, in the staff-room, for them!         

 Though, shortly after seeing Leah going in and out, from the back over and over, still without getting anything may I add, who should I see coming wondering in the back?  But first, Deek and then, Matt, which when Deek saw me in the staff-room looking at a magazine gave me a slight smile.  But as I thought, were they probably both heading to do something else, had both walked straight into the staff-room where I was.  

 Only, after I suddenly saw them coming straight in, first noticed that Deek had just stopped at the door allowing Matt to past by which again, made me wonder, 'what this time?  As in, referring to why have you come in?  Course, I did start to think, 'what’s going on here?  because, of the way, Deek was just standing doing absolutely nothing, only, smiling at me, while Matt, on the other hand went to just sit down behind me, still continuing to look at me, while I was trying to look at this damn magazine. 

 But while I was, well I heard Deek asking me, “is that a new top Sandy?"  Which I replied, “yes Deek!  By nodding just slightly to him and then turned round because of the way he glanced over to where Matt was, with a smile and that little look about him!  So, after seeing Deek was looking at where Matt was and then I turned around to look at Matt, which as soon as I had, not just gave me that biggest smile of his, but who had also given me that certain look with his biggest wondering eyes, that could have hypnotise me on the spot or knocked me out, right there and then!  

 And yes!  It sure weren’t his bloody smile that was making this girl go all weak in her knees at times, but it was more to do with the way he was looking at me, with those hypnotic dark Brown eyes of his!  As Matt always seemed to know how to hypnotise this girl by just looking straight at me, course, it was like in a flash, by gazing into his direction, I was well and truly a gonna!  

 Because, as you know, he had the most beautiful and the most sexy, big brown eyes that I’ve ever did see!  But whom, I had allowed myself, to wonder at times, if he weren’t looking at me, could still probably imagine in a wishful thinking.  Or even dream, what if  the way he was looking, directly at my at times could mean, there's a slight possibility that the guy could like me?  Just by glancing into those hypotonic eyes of his, as well as knowing he could easily knock me down, right there and then. 

 Anyway, after I saw Matt looking at me the way he did, well like I said, because of how he made me feel, by gazing into those deep brown eyes, not forgetting his dreamy smile, after I turned back to Matt, got up, then as they both walked straight back out, leaving me in suspense, to what the hell was all that about?  Because, it was really how they didn’t do absolutely nothing, while they were in the staff-room.   

 And as for when I had looked at them, while they were leaving, well all that I saw was Deek for some reason, putting his arm around Matt, like as if Matt was either upset or just feeling a bit down in himself.  Which, I really did wondered to why this was happening?  Course, it weren’t that long that just before Matt and Ben was leaving to get themselves ready for this bowling, that had I heard my name more than once, from afar, which as I turned around, slightly noticed it was Matt waving to me with the most unforgettable smiles upon his on face.   

 While Ben, on the other hand, tried to tell him, “we better be going Matt!  Which if you ask me, didn’t seem to be paying much attention to Ben, but more so, to me with what looked-like a most daffy, sexy smile, trying to wave at me, before Ben pulled him away!  Course, it was just the way he gave me that certain look with that smile that could have made me thought, is Matt paying more attention to me?  Because he didn’t seem to be wanting to hear anything to what Ben was trying to say, while I was noticing him outside the window to our shop!        

 Anyway, at first, before we even headed our way, to Pete’s house, then rather going straight to the  bowling-ally, Deek’s had this crazy idea!  The crazy idea of getting a Chinese takeaway, before going straight to Pete's!  So, after getting our Chinese that we ordered and waited for, we then headed off to Pete’s house!  Which after arriving, Deek had first went upstairs to get himself ready, while Leah and myself was waiting in the living-room with Pete, who while watching the TV, Pete’s phone started to ring!  So, as soon as Pete answered it, instead of saying, “who’s speaking?"  Like anyone would do!  Well, all he said was, “yes," “she’s here!  So, god knows of what he meant by saying that!  Because it sounded like he could have known already who was calling beforehand!  As well as, what they were probably going to ask him!

 Now, when Deek came down the stairs, Pete then went straight up!  Which while waiting for the other two the the kitchen to arrive, Deek had decided that we better get tuck into our Chinese!  Only, what seemed strange was, while I was tucking into eating my Chinese, my mind wasn’t really on Matt of how it's usually was!  But of how this food was so yummy!  But what was so crazy was, no sooner then I finished and heard both Ben and Matt waltzing in, that my mind went flooding back into dreaming-mode over Matt again!  

 So, as Ben popped upstairs to also get himself ready for this bowling that we were expecting to go, Matt had came wondering into the kitchen where noticing all the others were smiling!  Which I couldn’t help myself, but feeling, was he smiling at me?  Or not! Then rather to everyone else!  Because of the way he was simply only looked directly at me, then rather to the rest of them!

 Though, after arriving at the bowling-ally, we all thought that since we got there a few minutes earlier, then why don’t we all go to the bar and get ourselves a drink?  So, that’s what we all did!  Only, when it came to all of us to go and play, well that’s when disaster strike!  Because just before we could all play, which I’ve got to say, was so looking forward to play, two Security Guards came walking towards us!  Which after seeing Deek talking to them, found out what was the problem!  As I also noticed both Matt and Ben had approached him to!  Only, from where I was, all that I could see was Deek had looked-like he was getting so angry with them, as well as Matt and Ben!

 As they all seemed to be arguing with these Security Guards about something!  Which by the looks of it, seemed to really upset Matt more then the other two!  Which at first, didn’t know of why, until we all found out afterwards!  Only, at the same time, I had thought that was so not on!  Because, what we were actually all told afterwards was, “we’ve all got to leave, without playing!  Course, some god dam idiots, from the bar had blamed Matt for smashing a glass, while we were all in there before coming out of the bar!  

 Those Bastards!  As I thought, for hurting Matt like they had!  Which we all knew what happened wasn’t true!  Because at the time, we had all stuck together!  So, really, what we all wanted to know was, how on earth, could it have been Matts fault for breaking anything, if he was with us, all along?  Hey!  Just how?  But before we all left though, well all Matt could say and who had kept on saying to me , then rather to everyone else was, “oh!  “I’m so sorry Sandy, really I am!  "I'm truly sorry Sandy!  Which all I could remember then, was while he kept on saying, “I’m so sorry Sandy, over and over again!  So, I went up to him and said, “it’s not your fault, Matt, so please Matt don’t blame yourself!  

 Because really you should have seen him, nearly in tears, as he truly believed that it was him that stopped us from enjoying ourselves!  By ruining our game that should have been for us all!  Which I couldn’t help myself from really wanting to get a lot more closer to him, to wipe that look like a tear reappearing from his soft and gentle cheek!  Which I think I did, when I saw this tear running down his cheek!  Truly I did!

 Even after we left the building, Matt had kept apologising to me over and over again!  And yes!  He seemed to be apologising only to myself, then rather to anyone else around!  Which I couldn’t work out, to really what was going on here?  And why, was he only seemed to be apologising to me then the rather to the others!  Which you would have expected!  But that didn’t mean to say that I didn’t like it!  Course, I think I truly did!  Because for some reason, I still couldn’t help but think, how Matt seem was really nice towards me for a change, then rather acting like he normally does!  Even though, that meant, he had a few drinks-like with the others to bring a nicer side from him!

 So, while we were both sitting down near to each other, waiting for the two taxis that Deek had called for us, well what I saw was, both Pete and Leah had come closer to us!  But who seemed that they looked-like they were embracing each other, then rather acting like colleague's from work!  Why they even came so closer to kissing, which I just couldn’t help wondering to myself  Aww!  How romantic that was!  But who then, thought to herself, by looking at Matt, oh! Matt!  If only you were like this to me normally?  If only, darling?

 Course, of just seeing both Pete and Leah looking-like they were embracing each other, like they were in love!  Which, I'm sure they weren't!  Only, that the way I was feeling for Matt, while looking at him, at this moment!  Especially, after he had kept apologising for still thinking that it was his fault!  But as for myself now, well I just couldn’t help of dreaming, why couldn’t you Matt be like how Pete and Leah was acting right now?  Just why? 

 Because of how I may not have another chance in being so very close to you, as I am now!  But who I may not just surprise yourself!  But who I may surprise myself, by doing something I’ve never would have of doing!  Which bring me to what I did then!  Because while seeing him still so very upset about what happened, well after I kept telling Matt, “oh!  “Please Matt, don’t upset yourself like this?"  "Just don't!  "As it’s not your fault!  

 Without thinking this girl ruffled his lovely dark brown spiky hair, just slightly!  As well as, trying to have the guts, to place my arm around him, so I could comfort him even more so!  But, as I tried to well, that was when Matt had suddenly turned nasty on me!  By starting to swear over and over again, like as if  he was either angry or annoyed with me now!  

 Which again, was why, I truly referred Matt as the name of Mr Hyde from Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde's films and Novels!  Course, when I see him like this, well it just feels like he had truly fits him to a tree!  As for myself well, no sooner that he had kept on swearing to me, as well as telling me to, "just go away," so very nastily!  Well, that was when I ended up walking away, as far as I could, from him!  Mainly because no matter how I tried, the guy had now, pushed his luck, by still continuing to swear at me, while I was still walking away from him further and further!  

 Which I must confess, had really hurt me so!  Only the way I walked off as I did, near in tears, well most of the others could see that Matt had truly upset me, even more so, both Deek and Ben!   As they could certainly see how Matt had hurt my feelings, by the way they had noticed I was hiding my head away from them!  By having my head down, while tears of mine, had started to appear,  while going further and further from them all!

 Only, what was going through my mind then, was while I was walking further and further away from them all, especially, you know who?  Course of what made Matt all of a sudden change as he did?  Because as soon as I heard my brown eyes, which I was referring to Matt of apologising to myself then, while we were still inside, well part of me had felt like giving Matt a real gentle kiss, on his tender red lips!  Then rather upon his cheek, like I once did!  

 Because the only person that this girl had truly kiss, was Matt, but it wasn't intentionally-like or even like it was romantic-wise!  Why hell no!  It was just giving him a kiss upon his soft and gentle cheek course, as his Birthday was just coming up in two days time!  As well, you could say, I was trick into doing it, by little Liz more then, Fiona who was with her at the time!  Which I did think, was embarrassing, because of what I told you!  That this girl had never kiss anyone in my entire life before!  But which I really liked!  

 Anyway, what was so funny, was when we all finally got back to Town and got out of our taxis, well who should be looking in my direction and which had got my attention?  As I gave them one hell of a dreamy look back?  But, my hypnotic, sexy brown eyes aka Matt!  Which, while doing so, couldn't help also, noticing at the same time, in between where we were gazing at one another, but Deek!  As he just couldn't help himself, by constantly looking at both us gazing into each other eyes, smiling away!  Back and forth with a little smile may I add!  And yes!  Like always, Matt, was simply knocking this girl way out, by looking deeper and deeper into those eyes, while again, Deek couldn't help still noticing us both!  Which I think I will treasure, that moment of when Matt had looked at me as he had!   


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