Wednesday 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 27






Chapter 27 


                                                             THE TIME

                                   THAT SANDY WAS TRULY HURTING

                               COURSE, OF MISSING MATT SO MUCH!  

 When I came in that following day, I think really, everyone from work, had probably right away, saw that I was so upset!  Upset about how Matt wasn’t now going to be around any more, with us!  Because it was just simply how I was acting around them, with my head always seemed slightly tilted down!  Looking as I was so sad!  That half of the time had thought, oh!  No!  I sure hope I’m not going to start crying?  Because of thinking part of me was trying to deny that it was him!  Matt, that was really doing this to me!

 Although, on that day and the next!  Not to mention, the following months, this girl was still pretty much feeling the same!  Which was feeling hollow inside of me!   So, I was hurting and really upset!  As for the others!  Well they all knew full well of how I was truly hurting over Matt!  Because none of them had mentioned his name around me, while working!  Course, you have no idea, of how it was for me to just carry on with my work!  Even though, some would say, “don’t be daft Sandy!  It was an hard time for me to carry on-like!  As, normal with my work! Course, as I sort of mention, I truly felt that when Matt had left, well he had took a huge part of me with him! 

 Why, I still even had wondered from this day onwards, of why, did all those complete Barstards, did, what they did, to me!  While Matt was still working with us!  Just tell me that!  As I’m sure I'm not wrong, in thinking that they could have played with my mind, so I would end up getting so confused about my feelings for Matt!  Course, I can tell you right now, that if they really hadn’t played with my feelings, as they had!  Well, I would know, full well that I wouldn’t think twice, of falling in love with anyone, as I am now!  Because once again, all I ever wanted, was to be a friend to Matt! And that’s all!  Not, who couldn't help herself by falling  in love with them!

 Anyway, as time went on!  And you would have thought things would have got a whole lot easier for me!  Could tell you, it didn’t!  As my feelings from work, as well as, at home was still very much the same!  Because I just couldn’t stop thinking of him!  Him as in Matt!  For nearly every time I was trying to carry on with my work, while I was at work, found it difficult for me, for sure!  Maybe, for each time I turned a corner or even went in the back to do something, I was still, at times, expecting him!  To either wonder into work!  Or to be near the till, serving away!  

 Not forgetting, of how he had always liked to pop in, from out of nowhere to surprise us!  Which, being me, had always dreamt it was me!   Like the time, he crept up behind me, without trying to let me know that he was there!  So, he could make me jump!  Which was so easy for anyone to do, to me!  But it was more so, if it Matt was around me!  So, there we have it!  Because I was still expecting him to pop out from around the corner! Or just come through the back from doing something!  Well I probably got so use of seeing him around!  That I was now actually, missing him so!  

 Because when one of the old member of staff, came wondering in, one day and first asked me, after saying, “hello!  Said, "Hey!  “Sandy, have you seen any sign of Matt, lately?"  Which to her response, could only reply quietly, “no!  But who also, nodded, while looking down, just slightly to them!  Only, as I did, all they could say was, “why that’s a shame Sandy!  "Because, you two seemed so very close! 

 Which to be honest!  Didn’t know of what she truly meant, by saying that!  But maybe it’s because I was trying to block everything that I really felt for Matt, out from my mind!  Being so upset, that is!  So still, as time past by and it was drawing so near to that first Christmas without my darling Matt of being there!  Well, you probably really would have thought, things now must have got a little earlier for me, now wouldn't you?  Since you know had left?  Well let me tell you, it sure didn’t!  Though, at times, what seemed a little strange, was there was a guy that had sometimes came popping into work to see Bobby!  And only speak to Bobby and no one else!  But don’t get me wrong!  I didn't have any quarrels with that!  Really I didn't!  

 Only, that it would have been nice if at times, the guy would have approached me also, to talk to for a while!  But what I also noticed was, while seeing them both talking away to each other, they always seemed to talk to themselves slightly away from me!  Like for some reason, they didn’t want me to hear them talking!  So, if you would ask me why, even now?  Well, I sure wouldn't have known why!  Because, all that I did know was every time this guy had came wondering in, like he normally had, well he would always go straight over to Bobby!   In the far corner to talk to her!  But once again, they would always be facing from the back, so I couldn't see them!  Only, what was all the bloody secrecy? 

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