Wednesday 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 24


  Chapter 24


                                                                 THE TIME


                                       SANDY SO WANTED TO TELL MATT,


                            COURSE, OF HOW SANDY SO WANTED TO TELL MATT

                                                          TURLY, OF HOW      

                                                         SHE LOVES HIM!

 Though, sadly for me, much later after Deek had left as our Manager, we had someone, someone that in my book, didn't want to remember!  Because first!  She took advantage of my good nature when I was most variable and upset about Matt was leaving us!  As well as, after he left us!  So, I'm referring this person, as not only the big fat Baboon!  Because it was also, of what she had really done to me aka Sandy, while Matt was intending to leave!  As, well as, who probably knew how deeply I was truly feeling over Matt leaving us! 

 And as for Bobby!  Well she acted more like a bloody creep while she was mostly around him!  Because of after mentioning, "someone was leaving!  Then, after replying, "who's leaving?  That Manager said, "it's Matt!  Which, was when poor I aka Sandy had appeared to have a tear running down from her cheek!  Which after that Manager asked Sandy, "what's wrong?  All that I could say was, "I've just got an headache coming on!  So, when she went straight back to where Bobby was, well, all that I could slightly overhear was Bobby's telling her, "there's some romance going on!  Which, after hearing this, thought, what the fuck was she talking about?  There's some romance going on?  Like who?  

 Course, yes!  For just hearing Matt was now really leaving us, could say, had truly broken this girls poor heart!  In other words, when Matt left us, it had left me feeling like, where my heart is as now, left the most enormous, huge gap for where it was!  Which must have said, how I really loved him!  But just before Matt left and was still very much around!  And in change as usual, but while that repulsive, ugly, big "fat Baboon" of a Manager had just had a day off!  Well yours-truly had remembered that for some reason, had to work more hours, then usual!  Because of remembering that I had a lunch break on that very day!  

 As, well as, Matt seemed to be in a really, really foul mood!  Which, wasn't nothing new to me!  As, I could do nothing right on that day, that would make things right!  Even after he had popped out for a short while, leaving that hideous Bobby in change!  In change, but who acted like a fucking creep with the rest of those members!  But who I can say, had saw what all of them was like!  So, as Bobby, was really working amongst us!  Which, I know if my Manager was still here would never hire her!  And why!  Well how I would describe her, would, first just picture her in her early twenties-like!   With slightly short, but skinny-like body!  More like a charcoal pencil-stick!  

 Not forgetting, for who looked-like she had a thin, but black straggly hair, down to her shoulders!  Scary!  Yes!  You could say she looked absolutely scary alright!  As, she had a thin face, as white as a sheet!  A bit more like, "Wednesday Adams" from, The Addams Family Films!  Gruesome, creepy and once again, scary!  But more so, had honestly reminded me of one of those awful Gothics!  But more so, imagining her just lurking around like she even wanted to act like a Zombie!  

 But as she truly had looked-like a Gothic would make anyone, like myself now bloody wonder, 'if it really wasn't for all of them, from work,' well she would only wanna come out, with her own kind, at Halloween Night!  And boy!  That sure did include that bloody repulsive Witch aka big Liz!  Course, of having a very thin, yet, snobby, bony nose that went slightly up!  As, well as, thinking of a vision of Pinocchio, but a Evil one!  Like Chucky the doll!  But whose a nasty evil wooden puppet!     

 Anyway, when Matt came waltzing back in, he did seem to have a smile upon his face!  As, he told us his interview that he went for went well!  As, well as, mentioning, "that I may have a good chance in getting it!  Only, before he had told us this, who should be walking in?  But, that bloody toffee-nose cow aka big Liz with her kids this time!  She wanted to know how that interview had went!  Which, was when he had decided to brawl about how this was good news!  That he could only, described, as, "it's better then this job!  As, well as, "I would get more money!

 Only, from hearing all this, I personally got so upset!  Yes!  Upset!  Which, I think Matt you knew of this, didn't you!  Because while he was telling them all of this, he not only kept looking straight at my direction, with a sneaky little smile appearing!  But who for some reason, just wouldn’t allow me, aka Sandy to get past them, from the till!  So, I couldn't carry on with my work, because of blocking me in that corner!  Which, as anyone would know couldn't get out!  But now the only trouble was, I couldn’t look straight at him!  Because of the way he was giving me that deep and beautiful look in those eyes of his!   

 And secondly!  Secondly!  I believed that, that idiot aka Matt, had knew exacting I was getting upset, of hearing he was deciding to leave, if he had got this job!  As, to what happened, when that bloody cow aka big Liz had left, with her kids!  Well let’s say, for a while, Matt did seem to be okay while talking to Bobby!  Or should I say, "Wednesday Adams!  Because of how she truly appeared to some, from outer work-like!  Only, I'm not talking of the Security Guards that was around the Kingfisher Centre at that present time!  Oh no!  It was more other people around the Kingfisher Centre that didn't exactly know her well!  Even though, they probably didn't say nout to her in front of her repulsive, Gothic, thinness face!     

 As, well as, I just wouldn't be at all surprised if someone around our work, just couldn't help describing Bobby, as the most weirdest, person also!  Which, to be perfectly frank, I would totally agree!  But, anyway, getting back to while Matt seemed to be like this at the time, while still talking to Bobby, as I couldn't help noticing all he kept doing was glancing over to little old me, every once in a while!  Which I’ve got to admit, was so nice!  Couse, of thinking then, 'was he or was he not, looking at me in a nicest, possible way?  'Well was he?  But, while noticing Matt was giving me that oh darn look, well he had honestly made me felt slightly shy-like!    

 For instance, while trying to do some work, they both came strolling along by my table, that I was doing some delivery, but who at the same was still talking!  Yes!  Talking but talking about dam interview!  And how he may get it!  Whistle, still gazing across over to me with that gorgeous, sexy, knock out smile of his!  As, for myself, well I just couldn’t help feeling like saying to him, right there and then, "oh!  "Matt, if you only knew, of how you always seem to put me in a little world of my own!  As, well as, at the same time! Couldn't say how I was feeling for you!  Because of being really upset of thinking, I’m going to lose you!   I didn’t wanna really admit, that I loved ya so much now! Not to mention,, who I'm going to miss ya, so deeply! 

 Course, as they been kept talking and talking none bloody stop, about this job!  Which, I’m sure Matt had wanted me to hear!  Because, it wasn’t just the way he kept on looking at me,  but, how he was talking to Bobby!  As, well as, acting around me, while I tried to just move away from them!  And why?  Well, he kept asking me, “where do you think you’re going now Sandy?  But while he was really looking at me!  And boy!  Was he!  With those extremely hypnotic, sexy, mesmerising big brown eyes, I just couldn’t answer to his question!  But who I did try to stay and carry on with the deliveries, that I was still doing!  Yet, the more he talked about this so-call job to Bobby, while still glancing over to my direction!  Well for hearing him say to her, “I can’t wait in getting out from here!  Could say, it really had got to me, all over again!  

 So, yes!  The more I felt I that I couldn’t handle listening to all of this anymore, the more I thought, 'if I just pretend to go in the back to get sumat for the deliveries!  'Course, they wouldn’t know one way or the over, that there was anything wrong with me!  But no sooner then I tried to move, that the more I was pretty sure Matt had knew that his plan had worked, for talking about this job!  Because, of the way, I was looking at him when I eventually moved, as I had to for my sake! Course once again, he asked me with that melting look in his eyes, “now, really!  "Where do you think you’re going Sandy?  Replied, “I’m just popping in the back to get some hangers!  Which, as you know, wasn’t the truth!  But whether the guy had believed me or not, wasn't my problem, but his!  Because all I wanted to do at the time was to get away from them, because of knowing what they were doing to me!  Or should that be what Matt was doing!  

 So, as soon as I went straight into the back, all that I could say to myself, quietly was, "oh! Matt!  "I love you!  As for when I came wondering back out, still seeing them both hanging around that table, but who at the same time, had noticed Matt was still looking at me!  With those dam mesmerising, melting, brown eyes had thought, to herself  'well, I can’t keep going in the back!  'Now, can I!  Even though, I brought some hangers out to try and convince him more then Bobby, that, that was the reason of why I went into the back!  Course, as you know, it weren't!  As, it was only me and me alone, that knew of why I had to get away!

 So, without any further ado!  I decided to get hold of myself to go back over to them, who made sure that I wouldn’t now show how I was bothered!  For if they were continuing to talk about this job, that he was sure he was going to get!  Well around then, I could say I saw signs that Matt was showing that his bad temper was slowly returning yet again!  Whether all this was all down to me of continuing with my work and not showing signs I was bothered of the news anymore!  Well who knows?  All I do know was, it was slightly strange to see him, from where I was standing now, his behaviour had suddenly changed as it did for like no apparent reason!  Which, wasn't new!

 Because, all that afternoon, Matt was pretty much in a very, very foul mood!  Which even though, he made it looked-like he was in a very bad mood to everyone, well I was sure everyone roughly had an idea of who he could have really been in a horrid mood with!  But for who I even had tried to ignore!  Though, still at the time, just couldn’t work out of why, all of a sudden, his behaviour had changed as it had!  More so, when he was only around me!  And even whatever I seemed to be doing back then, Matt had decided to act so ghastly towards me more!  Even more so. after I had my lunch break!  So, eventually, I asked Bobby, “what can you think that could be making Matt in a foul mood?  “Course, doesn't he know how we'll all don’t want him to go!  Which, Bobby replied, “but I think he would prefer it if you went up and said that!  "Me!  I said!  While I just couldn't help looking over to that "sexy brown eyes" Matt!  Which, really, he as!  

 But who after saying, "okay," to Bobby, had thought after I went up to him, 'well, how could I say this to him!  Because of how I couldn’t look directly at him!  Not that I didn’t want to!  Oh no!  It was more due to the fact, that I really felt my emotions for him may mess things up in front of him for me!  While trying to tell her darling Matt, as she liked to refer him as, of how they all would miss him!  Including myself!  But who couldn't honestly tell him that it was frankly, that I was really going to miss because of being in love with him!!  But while I looked slightly down at him to tell him that!  Well who knows what was really going through his mind when I simply said, “Matt I know I may have told you this before, but you do know we all don’t want you to go!  "Don’t you!  Noticed, as I was looking up just slightly, he was starting to smile a little!  And smile as he looked over to me!  

 Especially, after I had told him, “okay Matt!  “If you really must know, it’s me that don’t want you to go!  "Because I will miss you!  Which, as I turned just slightly, thinking to myself, 'well okay!  'Now, I’ve told him it’s me that’s really going to miss him, if he left  should he be okay towards me or not?  Then, rather acting like a very fucking horrid, nasty Jack-Ass!  As, he was!  But after saying all this, well suddenly, I heard one of the girl’s that was standing around the till, saying, “but I think Matt wants you to apologise to him Sandy?  "Apologise!  As, I said!  Because boy!  All that came to mind, after I replied that was something that I really wouldn't dream of telling him in person!  Because all of a sudden and which was out of the blue I cried out in front of him, "but why, should I apologise to him, if I have nothing to apologise for! 

 As, well as, telling Matt while looking straight at him, without thinking, cried out, “but why should I apologise to Matt!  “As I love you to bits!  Which, oh brother!  Could say, wasn’t my intention to come out of my mouth!  As it had!  Because I thought, oh no!  Now, I’m really in it!  But strangely enough, instead of expecting Matt to have a right go at me!  The guy just started to really give me the most lovely smile ever!  As, if he had looked-like his face was gaining now, like a shy look!  Which I really did like in him!

 Though, when I had suddenly had said that!  Still feeling like I couldn't help of what I just said!  Basically said to myself, my god!  I can’t believe I said that!  But I had!  As, to thinking my nerves must have got to the better of me!  Because there was no way, on gods earth, that I would ever tell someone that I loved them to bits!  Like I had with Matt!  Just no way!  And as for Matt!  Well even though, he was smiling away, and I do mean, smiling!  Well, I just couldn’t help wondering I must have really surprised him!  

 Because it was the way he had totally reacted after I told him that!  As, he first bent down just slightly, while at the same time hearing a little laugher coming from below the till!  But who then, just before he got himself back up had turned himself around!  And who had started to act all silly-like!  But who at the same time, still acted all shy on me!  So, what I’m saying is, because of shouting out “I love you to bits!  Matt had now really showed his nicer version of himself!  

 Which, for me, Sandy!  Was honesty really so nice to see of Matt!  Course, of after seeing him of getting back up from underneath the till, and then turned himself right around towards some tops! Some tops, that was hanging close above him, nearby, to hide his face amongst them!  Maybe, it was just he didn’t wanna show his face, course of blushing!  But, as it was already to late for him to hide his shyness away from me, well, for me, all that I could immediately thought was, 'Aww!  'Just look at ya! 

 Because, I’m the sort of person that could say, is really the most shy person also!  As well as, who that blush very easily, when anything like this innocent would happened!  But after saying that!  Well after noticing Matt had truly acted in that way he had, which for me was  so very unusual!  But, which I liked!  Well shortly after seeing him in this way, some people just came wondering into our work to see him!  Which, was where I run straight into the back, before I thought oh no!  As, well as, I’m now going to get told off by him?  Aren't I?  Because it wasn’t just visions that I had of him of telling me off!  Far from it!  But the fact, I could still remember of how he truly was when I sort of told the guy, of how I love him to bits!   

 So, before I could let Matt get the chance to say anything!  Run straight into the back, as for what happened while I was in the staff-room!  Well who knows what was happening?  Probably nothing!  But I just couldn’t help thinking to myself, well they must be talking about what just happened!  Because if you think about it, who wouldn’t want to talk amongst themselves, while someone like myself, wasn’t there?  Hey!  As I thought, they would!  Because of thinking I made a complete fool of when they probably saw me run, as I did, straight into the back!

 Though, as for when I came wondering back out from the staff-room, well, who should be there standing?  Not just near to the fitting-rooms!  But who was quite close to the back door of the staff-room door?  As, well as, blocking my path-way?  But Matt!  And even though, he was suppose to be talking away, to those, that was trying to speak to him!  Well all I could see was Matt didn’t seem to be paying any attention to them!  But who was paying more attention looking at me!  With those dam sexy, melting, mesmerising and not forgetting captivating eyes of his!  After I opened the door and seeing that huge smile upon his face!

 Anyway, whilst I couldn't stop gazing into those deepest, dark brown eyes of well all that I could think of was, oh no!  I’m not going past you!  Even though, you may ask to yourselves, of "why, don't you ask Matt to past?"  Just couldn't!  Because, it was as if I just said, "for seeing those beautiful, biggest, sexy brown eyes of Matts!  That always captivate my attention straight away!  Had all came to mind was, oh boy!  What are you doing to me, Matt?  As, something told me that I couldn’t say anything!  Because of the way he took me by complete surprise!  So, instead, I went around the corner, but who still couldn’t help feeling like his eyes was present on me!  

As I slowly turned around and noticed that I was right! Right in thinking that the guy could have still been looking at me!  While I went around that corner!  But who also, felt whilst I was walking around that corner from him that my tiny little hairs, on the back of my neck, was now starting to stand on end!  Yet, it could have been how Matt was now making me feel, by knowing he was not playing any attention to those that could have come in to see him!  But who was still watching me!  With that oh so, mesmerising look that at times, made me feel like I had all goose-bumps popping up all over me!  Which I know may sound strange!  But which was so very true!  

 So as I slowly looked up to see if he was still looking at me!  And he was!  I had thought, 'he should be talking to those people by now!  Because as I slowly had turned around!  As, I did I glanced to my darling Matt and noticed he was still very much looking straight at me!   With that dreamy look of hi plus, that gorgeous, sexy smile!  Then not really looking at  those, that was sitting down, near the fitting-room!  Course, I’m sure they could see by the way Matt was just standing there on a spot!  Taking no notice of them!  But who was paying more attention looking directly at me, aka Sandy instead! 

 And who may I say, if I haven’t said it before, couldn’t either help myself by not taking my blue eyes off him either!  Which those who were sitting down, could may have seen us by the way we were both looking at each other!  Even though, I don’t know for sure that they were looking!  Don’t want to admit it to myself, that while we were both looking into each other eyes, that shortly after talking to him!  Then left!  That, this made me believe that he could be leaving us very soon!  Not forgetting, who probably knew that this was making me so worked up!  So, that would eventually end up making me shout out so loudly, “I love you to bits!  Which I had already done!  That crafty bugger!  Though, after that, Matt didn't seem to leave us, as he had made out, because he just continued to work for us!  

 But who later on, whilst working in the shop and who Matt had a day off heard someone was having a leaving Party!  A leaving Party who when I asked, “who’s leaving?"  Bobby replied, “Matt is!  Which you could say, I really felt my whole world was now about to fall apart!  Sound silly!  But frankly, this was true!  As that was what I truly felt about thinking, how I wouldn't ever see my darling ever again!  But could I hide these feelings of mine, that I had any longer?  Well could I?   The answer to that was, no!  I could not!  As, all I could say was, "oh no!  "Not Matt!  

 So, after knowing of this most saddest news!  Well, while trying to continue to work with Bobby or that bloody Fat baboon-like aka that Asian Manager, that I didn’t wanted to remember!  Course, of what they were really truly doing!  As, well as, shortly after Matt had announced he was leaving,  noticed I was truly upset about it!   As, they not only both saw a tear running down from my cheek!  But who that curl nasty fucking Manager had shortly took advantage of my good, kind nature, by asking me for a bunch of cash afterwards!  Which, I did get it all back in the end!  But who also, had kept on telling me, "that come on Sandy, someone like Matt, would never, never like ya! Which, I already knew!   

 But whoever would have seen me back then, with a tear running down my cheek, well, they would have first asked me, “what’s wrong Sandy?  But as I didn’t want to tell them the truth, had gave them some poor excuse to them!  Course, of being a really shy and sensitive person, who never had those sort of feelings in their entire lives!  And who just didn’t want to show that I was really so upset of that news!  Even though, something told me, I’m sure they both knew already!  Of what was wrong, by the way half of the time, while trying to do my work, I went in silent with my head down!  Shortly after while putting something in the bin though, I noticed my darling Matt was just about to come in!  With all smiles and who was with someone!  

 As for myself!  Well because of the way I was truly feeling at that moment, didn’t want to stick around!  So, naturally, I walked as far away from the front or was it from Matt, himself!  So, as I did!  And boy!  I did, well while he was speaking to Bobby, I was sure I noticed something was going on!  As, he asked Bobby, “what’s wrong with Sandy?  While glancing over to me at the same time!  The only thing, while noticing them talking, was I really had tried not to look at Matt directly!  In case, I would start to show my emotions by crying in front of him!  Which, I sure did not want him to see!

 So, after noticing that short Pencil-stick aka Bobby was now slightly glancing over to me with her gruesome eyes couldn't help of over hearing her say to Matt, "Sandy is upset about you leaving!  Because by now, you could say that I had a tear reappearing from the corner of one of my eyes!  Course, of now knowing Matt, who I’ve got to admit, really was starting to love so deeply, was now finally going to be leaving us for real!  Then he had made out, as before!  And even though, I couldn’t look at them, couldn't help of wanting to!  Because of trying to imagine of how he was reacting to the fact, I was getting so upset, over the news he was leaving!  Or what his face was like, after Bobby, had told him of me being so upset of his news, while I was still making myself busy!  

 But who was going around the store then really staying in like I had been before in the one place!  After hearing my darling asked Bobby, “what's wrong?  Still couldn't help of over hearing them, both talking away!  But who I couldn't help of overhearing them talking about, who’s going to this leaving Party?  Course, I still, really couldn’t help my feelings, of thinking 'but were you!  As, well as wondering like I had, why were they both looking at me?  Especially, Matt!  As I'm sure by now, he knew of how I was truly feeling!  But if so! Then, why, oh why would the guy really wanna do this to me?  Tell me that!  

 As for what happened next, while going through the clothes, pretending, that I was only sorting out, in size order, heard Matt shouted down to me, “hey!  “Sandy, are you coming to my leaving Party?  Which, surely he must have known, deep down that what my answer would have been!  Because if he didn’t, shall I say!  Well the guy would have been stupid not to see it!  Course, of probably knowing how I was feeling for him leaving!  Because he should have known that if I went to his leaving Party, then it would make twice as worst for myself to control my feelings!  So, trying not to cry, I cried out to Matt, quietly! But still not looking, mind you, “I can’t!  “As, I think 'I’m busy!  Which, I’m sure he must have known that wasn't the truth in what I said!


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