Wednesday, 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 24


  Chapter 24


                                                                 THE TIME


                                       SANDY SO WANTED TO TELL MATT,


                            COURSE, OF HOW SANDY SO WANTED TO TELL MATT

                                                          TURLY, OF HOW      

                                                             "I LOVE YOU!

 Though, sadly for me, much later after Deek had left as our Manager, we had someone, someone that in my book, didn't want to remember!  Because first, she took advantage of my good nature when I was most variable about Matt leaving us!  As well as, after he left us!  So, I'm referring this person, as not only the big fat Baboon!  But maybe, the biggest fat Faggot, as she certainly had made me think of as well!  Because the it was what she had really done to me aka Sandy, while Matt was intending to leave!  As well as, who probably knew how deeply she was truly feeling over Matt leaving us! 

 And as for Bobby, well she acted like a bloody creep when she was mostly around her!  Because of after mentioning, "someone was leaving!  Then, after replying, "who's leaving?"  That Manager said, "it's Matt!  Which, was when poor Sandy appeared to have a tear running her cheek!  Which after that Manager asked Sandy, "what's wrong?"  All that Sandy could say was, "I've just got an headache coming on!  

 So, when she went straight back to where Bobby was, well, all that I could slightly overhear from Bobby's was, "there's some romance going on!   Which, after hearing this, thought, what the fuck was she talking about?  There's some romance going on?  Like who?  Course, yes!  For just hearing Matt was now leaving us, could say, would break this girls heart!  In other words, when Matt truly left us, it had left me aka Sandy, feeling like where my heart is, as now certainly left the most enormous gap, for where it was!  Which must have said, how I really loved him!

 But just before Matt had left and was still around, in change as usual, while this Manager had a day off!  Well yours truly for some reason, had to work more hours, then usual, because of knowing that she had a lunch break on that day!  As well as, Matt seemed to be in a real foul mood, which wasn't nothing new for me that is!  As I could do nothing right, on this day, that would make things right!  Even after he had popped out for a short while, leaving Bobby, in change!  But who had also, acted like a fucking creep with the rest of them! 

 Now, Bobby, who now works amongst us!  Well how would I describe her??  Well, first of all, just picture she was in her early twenties!   Who was slightly short, with a very, very skinny-like body!  More like a charcoal pencil-stick!  Not forgetting, for whom, had thinnish black hair, down to her shoulder!  And a face as white as a sheet!  In other words, Bobby was so like, Wednesday from, The Addams Family Films!  Because of how she really looked a bit creepy!  Spooky!  But more so, had reminded this girl of one of those awful Gothics, that lurks around at times, when they want to!  

 Anyway, when Matt came waltzing back in the store, he did seem to have a smile on his face!  As he told us, his interview had went for this job!  As well as, mentioning, "that I may have a good chance in getting it!  Only, before he had told us all this, who should be walking in?  But, that bloody toffee-nose cow aka big Liz with her kids, wanting to know, how that interview went?"  Which was when he decided to brawl about how this was good news, of getting this job!  That he could only, described, as, "it's better then this job!  As well as, "I would get more money also!

 Only, from hearing all this, did actually got me personally so upset!  Which I think Matt knew of this, because while he was telling them all of this, he not only kept looking straight at my direction, with a sneaky little smile appearing!  But who for some reason, just wouldn’t allow me, aka Sandy to get past them!  Which meant, I couldn't carry on with my work, because of blocking me in a corner from the till!  So, I couldn’t get out!  Which firstly meant, I couldn’t look at him at all!  Because of the way he was giving me that deep glance that I could only describe as slightly sexy in some way!  And secondly, I believed that idiot aka Matt, had knew I was truly getting upset, of hearing he was deciding to leave, if he had got this job! 

 As to what happened when that bloody cow, aka big Liz had left, with her kids, well let’s  say for a while, Matt did seem to be okay while talking to Bobby!  Or should I say, Wednesday-a look-alike from The Addams Family Films!  Because of how she truly appeared to some, from outer work-like had resemble her!  Only, I'm not talking of the Security Guards that was around the Kingfisher Centre!    

 Why hell no!  It was just, I wouldn't be surprised if some other people that was around, couldn't help describing Bobby, as the most weirdest, person around!  Who was not so tall, but who looked-like Gothic person!  Who at times, had showed that they were a type of person that loved themselves!  But, anyway, getting back to while Matt seemed to be like this at the time, while still talking to Bobby!  Couldn't help noticing all he kept on doing was glancing over to little old me, every once in a while!  Which I’ve got to admit, was so dam nice!  For me to think was he or not, looking at me in that nicest, possible way?  Then, just plainly looking at me?  But, while noticing Matt was giving me that look, well he had made me felt slightly nerves!  Because it was how he really looked at me!   

 For instance, while trying to do some work, they came strolling along by my table, that I was doing some delivery, but who at the same time, made sure he was still talking about his interview!  And how he may get it!  And even though, he was still gazing across over to me at time, with that gorgeous, knock out smile of his and who was still very much talking away to Bobby!  Couldn’t help feeling like saying to him right there and then, oh!  Matt, if you only knew of how you always seem to put me in a little world of my own!  But who also, at the same time, couldn't say how I was feeling!  Because of being really upset of thinking, I’m going to lose someone that I don’t want to really admit, but who I love so much now!  As well as, who I'm going to miss so deeply! 

 Though, as they kept on talking and talking none bloody stop, about this flaming job, which I’m sure Matt had wanted me to hear them-like!  Because, it wasn’t just the way he kept on looking at me!  But, how he was talking to Bobby, course it was the way he was more acting around, when I tried to just move away from them!  And why?  Well, he kept asking me, “where do you think you’re going now Sandy?"  

 Only, while he was really looking at me, with those hypnotic, sexy, mesmerising big brown eyes, I just couldn’t answer to his question!  But who really did try to stay and carry on with the deliveries that I was still doing!  Yet, the more he talked about this so-call job to Bobby, as well as, still glancing over to my direction, well occasionally, hearing him say to her, “I can’t wait in getting out from here!  Could say, it got to me, all over again! 

 Though, the more I really had felt like I can’t handle listening to all of this anymore, the more I thought, if I just pretend to go in the back, to get sumat for the deliveries, well they wouldn’t know one way or the over that there was anything wrong with me!  But as soon as I tried to move, well I was sure Matt had knew that his plan for coming by to my table and talking about this job he may have got, had worked!  Because, of the way I was looking at him then, when I eventually moved, as I had to, for my sake! Course once again, he asked me with that melting look in his eyes, “now, really!  "Where do you think you’re going?"  Replied, “I’m just popping in the back to get a hanger!  Which, as you know, wasn’t the truth of course!

 But whether the guy had believed me or not, well it was his problem!  Because all I wanted to do at the time was to get away from them, because of knowing what they were doing to m!  Or should that be Matt!  So, as soon as I went straight into the back, all that I could say to myself, quietly was, "oh! Matt!  "I love you!  As for when I came wondering back out, still seeing them both hanging around that table, but who at the same time, had noticed Matt was still looking at me!  With those dam mesmerising, melting, sexy brown eyes had thought, to herself well, I can’t keep going in the back!  Now, can I!  To get away from them!  Even though, I brought a hanger out to try and convince him more then Bobby, that, that was the reason of why I went into the back!  Course, as you know, it weren't!  As it was only me and me alone, that knew of why I had to go!

 So, without any further ado, I decided to get hold of myself to go back over to them, who made sure that I wouldn’t now show how I was bothered!  For if they were continuing to talk about this job, he was sure he was going to get!  Only, it was around then that I could say had I saw Matt was showing signs, that his bad temper was slowly returning yet again! But whether all this was because I was continuing with my work and not showing signs I was bothered of the news anymore, well who knows?  All I do know was, it was slightly strange to see, from where I was standing now, Matt’s behaviour had suddenly changed as it did for like no apparent reason!  Which, wasn't new to me at all!

 Because, all that afternoon, Matt was pretty much in a very, very foul mood!  Which even though he made it looked-like he was in a very bad mood to everyone, well I was sure everyone roughly had an idea of whom he could have really been in a horrid mood with!  But for whom, I had tried to ignore!  Though, I couldn’t work out of why, all of a sudden, his behaviour had changed as it had!   More so, when he was only around me aka Sandy!  And even whatever, I seemed to be doing back then, well Matt had decided to act so ghastly to me more!  Even after I had my lunch break!

 So, eventually, I asked Bobby, “what can you think that could be making Matt in a foul mood?" “Doesn't he know how we'll all don’t want him to go?"  Which Bobby replied, “but I think he would prefer it if you went up and said this yourself!  "Me!  I said!  While I just couldn't help looking over to that sexy brown eyes, Matt!  Which, really, he as!  But who after saying, "okay," to Bobby had thought, after I went up to him, well, could I say this to him?   As it was the way I simply knew I couldn’t look directly at Matt!  Not that I didn’t want to!  Oh no!  It was more due to the fact, that I really felt my emotions for him may mess things up in front of him!  While trying to tell her darling Matt, as she liked to refer him as, of how they all may miss him!  But who couldn't honestly tell him that it was frankly, myself that was really going to miss!  

 But while I looked slightly down at him to tell Matt, "that everyone will miss you Matt! Well, who knows what was really going through his mind when I simply said, “Matt I know I may have told you this before, but you do know we don’t want you to go!  "Don’t you!  Notice, as I was looking up slightly well, he was starting to smile a little!  As well as, it had looked he was looking over to me!  Especially, after I had told him, “okay Matt!  “If you really must know, it’s me that don’t want you to go!  "Because I will miss you! 

 Which as I turned just slightly, thinking to myself, well okay!  Now, I’ve told him it’s me that’s really going to miss him, if he left!  Should he now be okay towards me or not?  Then, rather acting like a very horrid, nasty Jack-Ass!  Only, after saying all this!  Well suddenly, I heard one of the girl’s that was standing around the till, saying, “but I think Matt wants you to apologise to him Sandy?"  "Apologise!  As I said!  Because all that came to my mind after I replied that, unprepared, was, "but why, should I apologise to him, if I have nothing to apologise for?" 

 Only, what happened next was first, looked straight at Matt!  Then without thinking of what I may say next, had more then less cried out, “but why should I apologise to  Matt?"  “As I love you to bits!  Which oh brother!  Could say, wasn’t my intention to come out of my mouth!  As it had!  Because I thought, oh no!  Now, I’m really in it!  But strangely enough, instead of expecting Matt to have a right go at me!  The guy just started to really give me the most lovely smile ever!  As if he had looked-like his face was gaining now, like a shy look!  Which I really did like!

Though, when I had suddenly said that!  Still feeling like I couldn't help of what I just said!  Like basically saying, “my god!  “I can’t believe I said that!  But I had!  As to thinking my nerves must have got to the better of me!  Because there was no way, on gods earth, that I would ever tell someone that I love them, like I had with Matt!  Just no way!  And as for Matt!  Well even though he was smiling away, and I do mean, he was truly smiling!  

 Well, I just couldn’t help wondering I must have really surprised him!  Because it was the way he had totally reacted after I had told him that!  As he first bent down just slightly, while at the same time, hearing a little laugh coming from below the till!  But who then, just before he got himself back up had turned himself around!  And then who started to act all silly-like!  But who at the same time, still acted all shy on me! 

 So, what I’m saying is because of shouting out that, “I love you to bits!  Matt had now really showed his nicer version of himself!  Which for me, Sandy, was really the nicest thing to see of Matt!  Course, of after seeing himself of getting back up from underneath the till, he then turned himself around towards some tops! Some tops, that was hanging close above him, nearby!  Then hid his face amongst them!  Maybe, it was just he really didn’t want to show that I honestly made him blush so much, like a shy kid would!  But, as it was already to late for him to hide his shyness away from me!  Well, for me, all that I could immediately thought was, Aww!  Just look at you? 

 Because, I’m the sort of person that could say is really the most shy person!  As well as, whom that blush very easily, when anything like this innocent would happened!  Though, after saying that!  As well as, after noticing Matt had acted in that way he had, which for me was really so unusual!  But, which I liked!  Well shortly after seeing him in this way, some people just came wondering into our work to see him!  Which I run straight in the back, before I thought oh no!  As well as, I’m now going to get told off by him?  Aren't I?  Because it wasn’t just visions that I had of him of telling me off!  Far from it!  But the fact, I could still remember of how he truly was when I sort of told the guy, of how I love him to bits!   

 So, before I could let Matt get the chance to say anything!  Run straight into the back, as for what happened while I was in the staff-room!  Well who knows what was happening?  Probably nothing!  But I just couldn’t help thinking to myself, well they must be talking about what just happened!  Because if you think about it, who wouldn’t want to talk amongst themselves, while someone like myself, wasn’t there?  Hey!  As I thought, they would!  Because of thinking I made a complete fool of when they probably saw me run, as I did, straight into the back!

 Though, as for when I came wondering back out from the staff-room, well, who should be there standing?  Not just near to the fitting-rooms!  But who was quite close to the back door of the staff-room door?  As, well as, blocking my path-way?  But Matt!  And even though, he was suppose to be talking away, to those, that was trying to speak to him!  Well all I could see was Matt didn’t seem to be paying any attention to them!  But who was paying more attention looking at me!  With those dam sexy, melting, mesmerising and not forgetting captivating eyes of his!  After I opened the door and seeing that huge smile upon his face!

 Anyway, whilst I couldn't stop gazing into those deepest, dark brown eyes of well all that I could think of was, oh no!  I’m not going past you!  Even though, you may ask to yourselves, of "why, don't you ask Matt to past?"  Just couldn't!  Because, it was as if I just said, "for seeing those beautiful, biggest, sexy brown eyes of Matts!  That always captivate my attention straight away!  Had all came to mind was, oh boy!  What are you doing to me, Matt?  As, something told me that I couldn’t say anything!  Because of the way he took me by complete surprise!  

 So, instead, I went around the corner, but who still couldn’t help feeling like his eyes was present on me!  As I slowly turned around and noticed that I was right! Right in thinking that the guy could have still been looking at me!  While I went around that corner!  But who also, felt whilst I was walking around that corner from him that my tiny little hairs, on the back of my neck, was now starting to stand on end!            

 Now, it could have been how Matt was now making me feel, by knowing he was not playing any attention to those that could have come in to see him!  But who was still watching me!  With that oh so, mesmerising look that at times, made me feel like I had all goose-bumps popping up all over me!  Which I know may sound strange!  But which was so very true!  

 So as I slowly looked up to see if he was still looking at me!  Thinking, at this stage, he should be talking to those people by now!  Was so wrong in thinking that!  Because as I slowly turned around and glance up again, to my darling Matt noticing that he was still truly looking straight at me, with that gorgeous, sexy smile!  Then not really noticing those that was sitting down, near the fitting-room!  Course, I’m sure they could see by the way Matt was just standing there on a spot!  Taking no notice of them!  But who was paying more attention looking directly at me, aka Sandy instead! 

 And who may I say, if I haven’t said it before, couldn’t either help myself by not taking my blue eyes off him either!  Which those who were sitting down, could may have seen us by the way we were both looking at each other!  Even though, I don’t know for sure that they were looking!  Don’t want to admit it to myself, that while we were both looking into each other eyes, that shortly after talking to him!  Then left!  That, this made me believe that he could be leaving us very soon!  Not forgetting, who probably knew that this was making me so worked up!  So, that would eventually end up making me shout out so loudly, “I love you to bits!  Which I had already done!  That crafty bugger!  Though, after that, Matt didn't seem to leave us, as he had made out, because he just continued to work for us!  

 But who later on, whilst working in the shop and who Matt had a day off heard someone was having a leaving Party!  A leaving Party who when I asked, “who’s leaving?"  Bobby replied, “Matt is!  Which you could say, I really felt my whole world was now about to fall apart!  Sound silly!  But frankly, this was true!  As that was what I truly felt about thinking, how I wouldn't ever see my darling ever again!  But could I hide these feelings of mine, that I had any longer?  Well could I?   The answer to that was, no!  I could not!  As, all I could say was, "oh no!  "Not Matt!  

 So, after knowing of this most saddest news!  Well, while trying to continue to work with Bobby or that bloody Fat baboon-like aka that Manager, that I didn’t wanted to remember course, of what they truly done to me!  Shortly after Matt had announced he was leaving,  noticed I was truly upset about it!   As they not only both saw a tear running down from my cheek!  But, who that curl nasty Manager had shortly took advantage of my good, kind nature, by asking me for a bunch of cash afterwards!  Which, I did get it all back in the end!  

But whoever would have seen me back then, with a tear running down my cheek?  Well, they would have first asked me, “what’s wrong Sandy?"  But as I didn’t want to tell them the truth, had gave them some poor excuse to them!  Course of being a really shy and sensitive person, who never had those sort of feelings in their entire lives!  And who just didn’t want to show that I was really so upset of that news!  Even though, something told me, I’m sure they both knew already!  Of what was wrong, by the way half of the time, while trying to do my work, I went into a silent mood with my head down! 

 Shortly after while putting something in the bin though, I noticed my darling Matt was just about to come in!  With all smiles and who was with someone!  As for myself, well because of the way I was truly feeling at that moment, didn’t want to stick around!  So, naturally, I walked as far away from the front!  Or was it from Matt, himself?  So, as I did!  I was sure that when he had speaking to Bobby, well I was sure I notice something was going on!  As he asked Bobby, “what’s wrong with Sandy?"  While glancing over to me at the same time!  While noticing them talking!  But who also tried not to look at Matt directly, in case, I would start to show my emotions by crying in front of him!

 So, after noticing that short Pencil-stick aka Bobby was now slightly glancing over to me with her gruesome eyes!  Couldn't help of over hearing her say to Matt, "Sandy is upset about you leaving!  Because by now, you could say that I had a tear reappearing from the corner of one of my eyes!  Course of now knowing Matt, who I’ve got to admit, really was starting to love so deeply!  Was now really finally going to be leaving us!  Then he had made out, as before!  And even though I couldn’t look at them, couldn't help of wanting to!  Because of trying to imagine of how he was he reacting to the fact, I was getting so upset, over the news he was leaving?  Or what his face was like, after Bobby, had told him! 

 Now, while I was still making myself busy!  But who was going around the store then really staying in put, like I had been before!  After hearing my darling Matt asking Bobby, “what's wrong?"  Still could help of over hearing them both talking away!  But who I had heard them now talking about, "who’s going to this leaving Party?"  Still, couldn’t help feeling, but were they?  And why were they looking at me?  

 Especially, Matt himself!  As I'm sure by now he knew of how I was truly feeling!  Though, as for what happened next, while going through the clothes!  But only pretending, that I was sorting out, in size order! Had heard Matt shouted down to me, “hey!  “Sandy, are you coming to my leaving Party?" 

 *Which, surely he must have known deep down that what my answer would have been, no!  Because if he didn’t, shall I say!  Well the guy would have been stupid not to see it!  Because if he knew already of how I was feeling for him, for leaving, well to just go to his leaving Party would have made things twice as worst for me!  So, trying not to cry, I shouted to Matt still not looking, mind you, “I can’t!  “As I think I’m busy!  Which I’m sure he must have known that wasn't an truth!


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