Chapter
26
Now, on this one day when Matt
had came wondering into our work while he was with a girl! A blonde girl! Well after asking Bobby,
“what’s wrong? Heard Bobby tell him, “Sandy's upset! "Upset, because of knowing you’re leaving! Which was true! But who I didn't like to confess that I didn’t want to think about him leaving! Really I didn’t! Course, oh boy! Did my feelings show up on the surface! While at the same time, trying so hide from it!
The only thing, before he had left, he did have to work this one Saturday! Which like I said, didn’t want to really think about! Couse, otherwise, I would have cried all over again! Even though, it was actually going to happen! I know I would have! Because I just didn't want to think of that day! That day, that someone that now I truly loved so much, weren't ever going to be around no more! As, for his leaving Party! Well, who knows that went to it! That’s if the guy had one! May be he did! May be, he didn't! But as I made an excuse, while he was thereon this day, had cried out, from the front, “are you coming to my leaving Party Sandy? Should have known full well, that what my answer would have been! As, I replied, "I can't!
He certainly was giving me the most lovely smile ever! Which boy! Did this girl sure liked! The only difference was, this guy had a
sun-tan! A sun-tan which then, didn't think that Matt could have had a sun-tan from getting back from his holiday! Because as long as I’ve known Matt, well any such holidays that he had, had never came back with a sun-tan, like that guy had! Never! Which, I
weren’t sure about!
Well maybe Matt must have come back from his holidays! So, when I had finally realised it was him for sure, still looking mind you, directly at me, with that "for god-saken" knock-out smile may I add! Well like always, this girl just couldn’t help herself looking straight into those deep, dark, and captivating, mesmerising brown eyes of his and going all shy! Whilst he was walking further and further away, from where I was now! But who I was still smiling to myself, while dreaming of him!
But thank god! Thank god! That the following day I had the day off! And why, you may say! Well it was on this very day that it was Matts final day of working with us! And boy! All I felt was, why him though? Tell me that! Why did it have to be Matt that was leaving, then, anyone else! Course, I was actually taking Matts last day bad! As, I kept trying to tell myself, just try not to pass your work Sandy! Just don't! Because of just in case, if anyone had saw me passing! As, well as, all those emotions that I was deeply hiding away, would surely to show up to the surface! Because of feeling that I was losing someone that I loved so much now! And I did!
But as for work-wise! Well they all should have known already that even if I had accidently past, shouldn't have asked me to pop-in! Because of knowing how I truly felt for him! But oh no! As, they didn't! Course, I was certainly taking Matts last day bad! And I do mean, bad! My emotions was really showing up! Even though, I had tried so desperately to hide it from how I felt for him! Tears was really starting to reappear from my face! Course of just thinking so much of losing him, Matt! The person I really now loved! But who knew I won't ever see again! Because as I didn't know what these emotions, that I was feeling, had allowed him to go!
Well course I was taking this day bad I had decided to nip into Wackys to try and cheer myself up a little! But while doing so, well some girl who was heeling down, sorting the shoe-rack, had noticed me strolling in! And course all I needed was to talk to someone in Wackys to be cheered up! Well this girl cried out over to me, "hey! "Sandy! "can you pop-in! As, Matt wants to see ya! But because of knowing that on this day it was Matt’s last day, well all I felt was, no! And he should know I couldn’t! Not that it was only his last day! But of how I truly felt for him!
As, I couldn't bare the thought, that after this day onwards, Matt, wasn't going to be with us anymore! As this is the guy, that I first clapped eyes on, leaning against that big table, with his arms folded! But who looked-like he was in a little world of his own! Had felt I was so upset! Upset! Because of knowing I had truly fallen deeply and passionately in love with him! Truly, I had! I was now in love with Matt now! But who sadly for me, had always seemed to show signs that he never liked me! Sounds stupid! I know! But really he had! He had showed signs that he didn't like me! Why! Well I had no idea, of why Matt had disliked me! Because normally I do get along with guys, more then I had with girls! So, really, what was so wrong with Matt for just simply liking me, as a person, then making-out he simply didn't!
But as I just didn't wanna allow myself to show that I was hurting deep inside! Which I sure was, over Matt leaving! M
Being total romantically over him! Which, I wouldn't wanted Matt to notice, if he had! In case, he would either laugh at me! As, he probably would have! Or simply, just tell me "stop being so stupid Sandy for crying like a bloody baby! As, I would have! Really! I would have cried, if I wondered in and saw him! Possibly smiling away! Course, of how he was now, leaving us! My "darling" Matt would have said sumat to me! So, instead, while I was up Town I had spent most of my time in Esquires because of just trying to not think about this saddest day of my life! As, well as, of himself, that I tried not to think of! And why! Well, once again, it was how I was truly feeling! Yes! Feeling for him! As, I just couldn’t now help myself for thinking of him so!
Because of wondering, 'if I didn’t go anyway near to my work, then maybe it might be a little easier for myself to carry on through this hardest day! That I really, really tried to not think of! But who I couldn’t because, what I was truly feeling had needed to be cheered up! And cheered up badly! Because the more I had thought of him, "my big brown eyes" Matt! The more I really had thought, 'oh! 'Sandy! 'For god sake, don’t start crying now! 'Please! 'Just don't! Course that would make it worst for me to really forget about how I won't ever see my darling, after this day is over!
So, as I wondered over slowly towards where my friends worked at, well the more I had, the more I really got upset for thinking, 'oh, Matt! 'Why did you have to leave? 'Hey! 'Just tell me that! Because as I came wondering into Wackys, well I was sure they all knew! Oh yes! They had all knew! As, well as, to cheer me up for knowing how I felt for Matt! The only problem was, they were all working just opposite to my work! Yes! My work! Which, now I couldn't avoid to go past! So, for thinking of looking in and noticing there right in front, could have been him, Matt, my darling! Well it was now going to be slightly harder for me if I had! Course, of not working there after that day onwards!
But still! As, this store was right directly opposite to my work, which I couldn't be helped in going in for needed to be cheered up! And I do mean, I needed to be cheered up, like asap, well just before I went in, I couldn't help in placing my head slightly down! And more so, as I got closer and closer, for in case, of trying not to gaze straight in! Just in case, I had spotted him! Him, that could have been around nearer to the front entrance! Or where the till was! While heading towards the Wackys with my head tilted downwards so those from work wouldn't notice I had past, but who was nearly in tears! Course, really! I was trying to held back my tears, as I got closer to my work after I was asked, "Sandy! "Matt would like to see you!
But couldn't even do that! Because first of all, knowing full well as I did, they all use to like to stick around together! And I mean, they had all liked to stick together, like "creeps do! And secondly! Secondly, how they would probably like to say something to Matt, if they had saw me around! Like, "Sandy, going straight into Wacky's! Which, if he might have, wanted to see me! Which, I’m not saying he had! But if so! Then, it would only be for thanking me for that card that I left with that measly, repulsive, stick-insect aka Bobby! Course of being on holiday!
Because the way Matt had used to act towards me! Horrid and mean! So, being the way, I am, had really imaged 'if only you would want to see me for sumat else, Matt! Like surprising me, you had liked me! Then, allowing those idiots or "morons" from work, acting like a compete and utter "Barstard! Plus, you! For at times acting like the horrify, hideous Mr Hyde from Jekyll and Hyde stories or mysterious! But, knowing that Matt was not one of those nicer guys, that I would have loved to image of! Like from how I had, in my early life had really remembered!
Course, of how I remembering how Matt was towards me! Like acting like Mr Hyde! Who after the character, "Doctor Jekyll" had slowly turned himself into his hideous, deformed other half, by going off into the night! Searching for his next victim! Which, as you should know, Hyde does, before he changes back to Dr Jekyll! For who could never really remember what had happened! Well with Matt! He just shows his anger upon his face, like he was waiting to explode, to me! Then, rather anyone else, may I add! By swearing mostly to my face! Yes! That's right! Swearing at me! By saying the "f*** word! But being a old fashion-romantic as I am, just couldn't do nothing to him! Like giving him a piece of my mind!
As, I still so long to wish that is, 'if something! Just something could really surprised me from him! But the way he was! Well, hell no! I don't think I could ever see that from happening! And I do mean, from happening from a guy, who had once behaved in away, wanted to act like the hideous "Mr Hyde" towards me! No! Which, was sad! Because of knowing what he was like! Course, these days now, all you would see is a lot of the guys and girls simply want one thing! And one thing only! Then, rather just knowing that certain someone at first! And who knows! Maybe even end up romantic-wise! Which, may I add, is talking about myself! Myself, of being an old-fashion romantic person! And who would still love to await until that so-call person that I am still dreaming of so much, would hopefully, hopefully come out of his bloody shell!
Course, I'm still truly in love this person! And have been since really he had left our old work-place that many years, back! So, really I've loved Matt always and always! But being a little older, well I would actually tell that person, to wake up! I'm here! If that is, you had liked me Matt! Even though, shall I say, there was a few "obstacles, had got in the way," in maybe something could have happened between us! But really couldn't, because Matt is now tied down! Which, even though, I don't like guys, like that! Will always love Matt! But who is more than, happy to always or dream about him, like, 'what if! Just tell me that! What if! That in reality would love if he had felt the same as I do for him! Which, was loving me! Then, rather hating me!
But as for my old dream! Yes! My dream! That I've always, imagined that 'what would have it been liked, if I did meet that certain "special someone" that would have been nice! Nice as well as, shy over me! Not forgetting, I'd always imaged, I wanted them to have nice eyes! Nice smile! Plus! Plus, short, dark spiky hair, who would look slightly board! Then, how I'm sadly to say, how I really saw Matt as! Because oh brother! As, Matt truly lost his nice appearance or what! With that nice dark spiky hair, that he once had! But I will talk more of this matter in "Chapter 42!
But unfortunately, for me! Still thinks the world of Matt! Which, I do! But who couldn't be helped in feeling how I did! Because, falling for him before he had left work, weren't my fault! Maybe, all this was Matt having such dark, melting, mesmerizing, big brown eyes! Plus! Plus! As, I had thought, he had such a hell of a nice smile, when at times he had smiled in my direction! Oh, yes! He really did! Who even myself couldn't help looking directly him! If even he wasn't looking back! Course of thinking him as slightly board as well! Which, I'm sorry to say! Now, he looks-like a huge, fat but big rhinoceros! Or even a pig! After rolling in thick mud!
Course, of wondering once, if I came to falling in love with "whoever they maybe" as to be also, decent! Then, rather allowing anyone simply "anyone," imagining I'm like that sort of person that just loves to play such a dirty, rotten, stinking game! A game! By actually, trapping that guy down course of possibly noticing they may like somebody else! As, you just got to allow that someone to go and make their own mistakes in life! Course, if I hadn't mentioned this before, if that someone, that I had loved Matt, does eventually come back, well that proves that they could have come back for you! But unfortunately, I wasn't referring to myself! As that's how I believe in!
Though, I would still love to know! Just know what would have it been liked, if that is, something had went on between me and Matt back then! As, I couldn't see what was already happening in front of me then! Even though, everyone from work could see something was already going on, between me and Matt! Not forgetting, some of my friends from Wackys and other friends lets says! And why do I say this! Well apparently, it was all because at certain times, when I had walked past his work! That was a phone shop a few stores down to where my work was! With a friend of mine, who always seemed to notice Matt! Yes! Matt! That couldn't help himself from first, approaching the entrance to his work! But who also, leaned himself against one side of it! Looking straight at me! Then, at my friend! But maybe, who was trying to pretend he weren't!
Then, rather noticing that one hell of "enormous, fat trollop" of his, that had kept playing a dirty game to trap him down! Because of possibly thinking to herself, that if they could trap Matt down, as they had done! Well Matt just wouldn't be able to lead his own life! Which, I would never do to anyone, if that was me! That is! If I had ever had the chance in meeting someone those many years ago, that I would have liked me! Me! Before, all of those from where I once worked had played upon my feelings over Matt! Course, in my book! I always say, let them, lead their own lives! And if they really loved me! Well who knows! Maybe! Just maybe! They will come back! Which, as always, been my wishful dream of mine to think, 'if I had meet someone so nice! Course of also, believing if they truly wanted something to happen between us both! Or if not! Well you just really need to allow them, to chose their own paths in their own lives!
Then, rather playing such a dirty game! By trapping that certain guy down that they could be with me! By getting themselves locked-up! As, in pregnant! Because, as I had a very bad experience as a young child! And boy! Did I! Well I wouldn't in my life, wanted a child! Because I rather enjoy my life! Then, rather being tied down, with having kids! Or with anyone that as got kids! Weather they are toddlers or have grown-up! No way! As, for Matt! Well once again! Knowing Matt as he was, find out he wasn't a really nice guy, as I had thought he was! Which, was a shame! Course, part of me had said, 'but why, did you have to be that sort of guy, in my dreams! Hey! Just tell me that! Why!
Because if Matt were actually, really nice! and I do mean, nice! Then, acting the way he had, half of the time towards me! That I probably would have still liked him, in that same way! Without, those other "Barstards" from work doing what they had done, which was playing with my emotions, so I really wouldn't know how I was feeling towards Matt! But Matt just couldn't help himself, by acting like a complete and utter "ass-hole! And I do mean, an "ass-hole" while always, hanging around those others! By changing his attitude towards myself! Like one minute, he seemed nice! Then, the next! Acting like a complete chuck-off! Because he mostly acted horrible like the character of "Mr Hyde! As, well as, knowing, Matt was just like any other fucking guys, that just wanted sex! And only sex! Then, rather wanting to enjoy that other persons company! Which I wasn't really referring to myself! Even though, it would have been nice to think that! If Matt was that special someone that I had once upon a time dreamt of those many years, back!
As, for myself! Well if you must know, all that I had wished for is, 'I'll be happy to just dream of him! Yes! Just dream, that what if Matt was a "genuinely, nice guy" rather then, a guy who's truly horrid towards me! And only me! But knowing how much I've grown older and wiser now, shall I say, could never or maybe want to imagine something nice could have ever happened between us! Because honesty! Why, wouldn't I want to know him, if he was like as he was those many years ago, when I really knew him through work! Even though, I really was starting to have all those love feelings for him! Why! Because if you must know, it was like feeling I had been already affected!
Yes! That's right! Affected! Course, by really keep on looking deeper and deeper into those gorgeous, big brown eyes of his! Whenever, that is, Matt had always, glance in my direction! Because of knowing, that whenever he had, I was in trouble! Meaning, of course, knowing, he would certainly start something off in me just by looking at me! Which, I had always dreamt if only he liked me, as he had liked the others! But no! As, I knew he didn't like me!
But once again! Course, Matt had seemed to liked to act like a complete and utter "Barstard! Let alone a "ass-hole! Course of how he was! That was mostly mean, to me back then! Like those of the those other "Barstards! That played upon my poor feelings! So, I would end up falling head over heels in love with him, throughout, all those years! Which, ever since then, my feelings for Matt had truly grown so much deeper! Which, may sound stupid to say! Since how I spoken about him! Is still so very much in love with him! And I will always will! Forever! And entirely! Even though, he's no longer around here anymore! I will always, love you Matt! Weather you fucking
Course, maybe! Just maybe! That how I truly remembered, loving those times when I used to just gaze upon those drop dead gorgeous big brown eyes of his! As, well as, how I knew I felt for him! Not to mention, how I so dreamt of wanting to whisper sweet nothings, into his ear! By saying, "oh, Matt, darling, Matt, do you know I love you so! "Well do you! "I love you! And only you! But who I still couldn't help imagining loving anyone else, now like how I truly feel for done with Matt! As, I still do! Because half of me, whenever I do see him now! Which, sadly, for me is not as often, like I had those many years back! Because you would not believe it! That back then, that crazy fool who I love, had mostly kept walking around the Kingfisher Centre near to where I was having my drink! Which, to be perfectly frank! I was bloody loving it!
But now! Even though, what I may have just said, about when I saw Matt "close up" still couldn't help to forget how he once looked those many years back! Like making me go all Giddy and gaga! As, if I was retrieving back into my old shy-self! And brother! Did I! But still! There was always, something at the back of my mind now, that was saying 'I don't think he could now do that to me! Even though, how much I love you Matt! Couldn't see that from ever happening to me! As, I won't or even try not to allow anyone like Matt had, managed to do that to me ever again! Even though, it was so harder for me to hide my emotions then, I would say, I will always, from this day onwards, love Matt Sanders!
Even though, the way he's turned out to be with me! Course, if anyone would ask me now that "there's always somebody else, out there for you! Which, I've always said to others in the past," I don't believe in that! Course, being the way I am! Had always dreamt, if I fell in love then, in my book, just wouldn't and couldn't love anyone else! As, for bringing me back to how I'm still in love with Matt! Course, now, there's no way I could ever think about loving anyone else! And I do mean, no one! Even when listening to all those bloody idiots around, that's trying to make me believe in, 'but there is always, someone out there, for everyone, besides you know who! That's if they actually knew I was in love with that person still! Because as it's me! Well I just can't ever see anyone that I could now fall in love! Even if I weren't already love with Matt! Just can't see it!
And why! Well they would have to show me that they do love me! Then, rather a person, that really sort of showed me in my past, that they didn't like me at all! Which, I know, I'm Mad! Course, of allowing himself! Matt to just join in with those other "Twats" that had once worked where we had worked those many years back! Did act like a bloody moron! Then, who could have took no noticed of them! Because I've always saw myself as loyal! Loyal to that person that must be still mad! But who I loved for an hell of a long time! As, well as, knowing now, that I'm in love! Because I will always, always love Matt! Even though, how he thought of me! Which was mostly showing that he disliked me!
So, as for looking for any other guy in my life, course of not expecting Matt then, to ever feel the way as I did! And still do! Or even wanting a guy! Like those mislay "Tarts" out there nowadays, desperate for finding someone! Because what I've always believed in, is while growing-up, I've never could see myself noticeable! But if there were, someone secretive out there, that would just surprise me, by showing me their feelings, then I would say it will happen in time! Then, rather telling whoever they are with,, "your mine! "And no one can ever get close to you! Course of believing in True love will take a hell of a long time to happen! Then, rather like some pathetic girls, out there, that rather wanna believe, if they meet someone either, in pubs or clubs, like a one off! Then, they're in a real relationship!
Which, is so pathetic! Because if that's what really truly believe in a relationship! Well that shows they weren't proper educated! Well as for myself! Well seeing myself with someone is just dreaming of what if! Then, if I really saw that person that I love ever again! Well I would never wanna think I want you! And want you now! Because of knowing any guys, these days just probably think of only thing! Which, is sex on their "tiny, fucking Pea-brains! Then rather allowing themselves to go for the real deal! Which, is allowing themselves, to live their lives to just wait until, possibly bumping into that special person! Yes! That special person! That they could have possibly recognised! And possibly wanna be with them, for the rest of their lives!
Which, my answer to that! Is what rubbish! Or Crap! As, my dream was, if I did eventually, meet that "Mr Right! Which, I'm sadly to say, as all gone down the swami river now! Yes! It's all gone down the swami river! Because of what those fucking, "Barstards" had gone and done, from where I had worked many years ago! As well as, now, I can't see it! Because of my age! But, how I can not ever see that old dream of mine, from ever happening! Course, it's not that I wanted to be with someone! No! It's just knowing what half of those guys, either, want! Or that my old self really likes in guys! Which, is only available! Then, rather someone who's married with a load of Baggage's! Meaning, of course, who would have kids, from when they were married! Then, rather wanting to know the girl herself!
As, I'm not stupid! A lot of girls, is just like that nowadays! Which means, guys, just can't bloody control their bodily function, like how Matt had been! And probably still is! Which, shows he was not a very nice guy, from how I always wanted to imaged him to be like back then! As, like I've always, dreamt of meeting that someone! That would be decent to me! But also, who could be rather nice and slightly shy! Because I've always liked guys, who could have been slightly shy over me! But who was also hiding his feeling for me!
***Course, of really remembering that every single time those that had actually knew him, from outer work, saw Matt had mostly wondered! Wondered around here, in Redditch Kingfisher Centre with yet, a different bloody girl! Before, hooking up with that humongous, huge, fat trollop that he ended up with! That was always, in an "on and off" relationship! That is! If anyone truly knew them, but believed they were in a real relationship! Well let me put them all right! It wasn't a relationship, that they were in! But just two immature fuckers, going around the Kingfisher Centre with each other for sex! And I can tell you right now, having sex and then, saying, "I'm in a real love relationship, is to completely different meanings! As, you can't say sex is the same! Oh no! You can't! For you can't say it's the same thing! Even though, that fat trollop had wanted to act like his so-call wifie because of having sex with Matt, then after saying I'm up the dove Matt! And it's yours! Course, I can tell you she weren't his wifie! But one of his many floozies!
Course, of playing a dirty, rotten stinking game, so Matt wouldn't allow to lead his own live to decide what he wanted! But saying that, "she weren't! As, Miss Fat trollop was just a big, huge, fat, humongous Blob wanting to controlling Matt, who acted like a Dick! Which, being Matt, had allowed that hippopotamus to do so! And why! Because Matt didn't have a normal brain like anyone else! But a knob! Couse, of thinking, ' I'm already in love! As, well as, 'I'm already in a relationship! Or! Who may wants to be with eventually!
Because if I hadn't mentioned this! Those outside work-wise, had also added, at times, "Matt doesn't seemed to know what he wants! And I certainly do mean, that! A lot of those who had knew him, outer of work like the people from Wackys had kept on saying, "Matt doesn't seemed to know what he wants! Which, sounded like he really needed to grow-up! Course, Matt just didn't want to control his bodily functions whenever he saw any blonde girls around! As, he just wanted to go around having fucking sex, for fun! Then, who could have known somebody that he could have truly meet! And who could have possibly liked him so much for real! Then, rather like those pathetic, immature girlies, that each time we had all saw him with! But it was only Matt himself, that had it in his thick, huge, fat Potato-head! That truly thought, he was in a real relationship with that humongous, "fat trollop" at that time! Which, all I will say to that now, is, "ha! "ha! "ha! "ha! To you Matt!
Course, as it was only Matt that had actually thought this with possibly her! And secondly! I'm now so glad that Kamas as gone straight back to him! In other words! Kick his huge, fat ass, to where the sun don't shine! Hoping that some day! Some day, he would just realise that, that "huge, fat bimbo" that he had ended up with, had really played a huge, dirty, rotten game to him! Because of how she had possibly thought, yours truly, could have been after him! Which, come on! Showed how they had a bloody screw lose in their tiny Pea-Butt-Twisted Brain! Which, I was referring to Matts "fat, big trollop!
Yet, as for myself! Well course, I'm a true believer! Well, what I believed in, is if anyone can certainly still truly love someone so much, as I do! And brother! Do I still love Matt? Well the answer to that will always, be yes! Yes! And yes! As, well my love for him is forever and ever! But who totally doesn't agree, like a lot of those around had! Including both Matt and his enormous, huge, fat bimbo wifie had! Or still do! Probably thinks, 'oh you can meet anyone in pubs or clubs, as in an on and then, off to start a real relationship!
Which, in my opinion, if one asks me that! Is it's full of "bull-shite! Course, what I've always believed in is, if you wanna meet someone! And someone as in that very "special someone" like a soul-mate, well it would take a hell of a long time to start! Not just meet them once, then saying to yourselves 'I'm now in a relationship! Course, that just shows they don't know zilch in wanting to meet whoever they wanna be with! But as I'm a real dreamer just dreaming away, of 'what if it came to me! Me! Of having a companion-ship or even a partnership, in the life! But in a most very passionate, romantic way! That would last for entirely!
As I'm not like what you would call a "huge, fat fucking Bimbo" or even "a tart! That just simply like to go around with just anyone for just having sex! Like as you know, Matts fat trollop had done by playing a dirty, rotten game! By getting her huge, humungous, fat blob, of a body up the flaming dove! Just so, poor Matt, couldn't live his own life! Or do his own things if he had waned to! But who, while they were with him, beforehand, this so-call fat fresh of a "Bimbo" as she truly is, could truly see them as! Was always going around with Matt as an on off relationship over and over, again and again!
Which, as you would say, is not a proper relationship! Not like you would have, when I would say, you would truly love someone like I still do over Matt! For once again, it's been now fifteen years, since I loved him! That's right! Loved Matt! But as you know, course of knowing Matt and that fat trollop as now got loads of sex-objects, from when she just wanted to keep playing a dirty rotten game by telling Matt, "I'm once again, up the dove! So, he was again, trapped! With no life of his own! That, that fat, miserable, but twisted, humongous, trollop, really must probably thought, as well as, probably say to themselves, in their tiny, but Pea-Butt- twisted brain, like what me and Matt had showed we did have a real relationship!
Which I'm sure, if anyone whose not so stupid! Would agree with me, for how those two had liked to operate! I mean, by going around together like, for simply only having sex and more! Then, the guy, waiting for the real thing to spark up by meeting that someone, with those true feelings that would last for entirety! Because, those two was always, in an off on relationship!
Then, how mostly of our generation! Or of how the elderly would have met their partners! Which, I was referring once again, it really takes a hell of a long time for meeting your true love! Speaking also, for myself! Course, what anyone says, I'm already in love alright! And yes! I am! But if I won't in love well if any fellas, out there wouldn't like me as I am, well what I would say is, "tuff shit! Course, if no guys would like me! Well I'm not one, that would apologise for how I was brought up! Or even believing in how true love should be!
***Course, like how I mentioned! I see myself as a "truly, old-fashioned romantic! That just like to simply imagine or dream shall I say! What could have happened if there was a truly a nice guy, those many years ago, before I met Matt! My darling, Matt! Well just what if? As, I'm still imagining to this day onwards, that what's it like to be kiss! Yes! kiss! Course, I never in my entirely life had been kiss! As, well as, imaging, what would it be liked to be embraced! So, very passionately though! Like I probably had once dreamt about Matt! But who this girl had simply been looking for in a guy, if one would existed for me that is! But who now, don't ever think 'that would ever happen! Because of now, still feeling like I'm very much so, madly in love with Matt who had allowed him to go! But who could only see Matt as my "invisible Man! Yes! That's right! My invisible man, who had loved dreaming, what if he had reappeared, but reappear, by trying to hide himself whenever he sees me! If that is, he was around somewhere! Which, is fine in my book!
Only, that was the problem with Matt, I think! Course, way back then, between 2006 and 2007, but more in 2007 I was sure Matt wasn't any different to all those other guys! As, in those guys, that only was after one thing! Then, rather maybe wanting to know that someone, such as like myself! Who may I say, had only wanted to know Matt as just a friend! nothing more! But just friend, when I first meet him! But who sadly for me, just didn't want to know! Course, of secondly! How those horrible mingy "Barstards! That worked where I worked, had made it so awkward for me to be a friend with Matt! There again, Matt, didn't help either! Because of times, he joined in with them! Who half of the time had thought of him, 'you Prick!
***But, for saying that! As, he had sometimes wanted to act very nasty with me, well personally, I still just couldn't do or say anything to him! Even thought, I wanted to! I couldn't! Because all I had to do was just gaze into those deep, melting brown eyes of his! Oh yes! His gorgeous big brown eyes, that was like mesmerizing! And wham-bam! Thank you mam! This girl, goes all weak in her knees and feeling a little light headed! Or simply tell him, where to get off! Course, of this girl was still very vulnerable and a little shy! Possibly, weak! Because of how I was truly feeling for him! Meaning, how I ended up in love with Matt, my darling, so much! ***But I'm not just anyone, that would say to any guys, "I want you! Or! "Your mine! Like how a lot of paretic girls, out there, nowadays, think! Then, someone like myself, who doesn't!
But who, those out there now, would just like to play a dirty game half of the time, with whoever they maybe with! By telling the guy, that they maybe with, "haha! "Look, now! "I'm pregnant! "So, you're mine and no one can have yeah! As well as, probably even saying to themselves, "I've now got you trap! "Course now, you have got responsibilities and you can't leave me! Like how Matts other half had gone and truly done to him, way back then! Because of how they actually thought, I aka Sandy or even possibly anyone else, was interested in Matt!
Which, I don't think that was right at all to do! Course, if I was younger, or even now, for that matter well firstly, would never play a dirty rotten game to trap a guy down! So, they could never think for themselves! Or even carry on with their own lives to see what they truly want for themselves! But there again, as for my old dream! A dream, that if it would ever come true for me of meeting that special person would now, never happen! Because I've always believed in those sort of feelings for anyone, would last for entirely if I had ever meet them, when O was younger! Then rather one minute, of saying, to that person, "I want to be with you! Then, shortly after, telling them, "I don't wanna be with you anymore!
Which, once again, was just how Matt and his so-called wifie had acted then! When they were around together-wise, before she had decided to fuck his live away! By getting her huge, humongous, fat, blob of a body, pregnant! From not true love though! As, we all "besides of course, those, fucking wankers! Or those "idiots" from where I once had worked with Matt! Because there were a lot that knew how Matt and her were truly like, while they together! As, well as, how they all knew their stupid none existent relationship wasn't actually, from real thing! Course some had told me that "he probably doesn't even know that what the hell he wants! Because as it was always, "an on, off going relationship" again! And this was all because of not allowing Matt to ever live his life and make his own mistakes!
Which, getting back of saying that if I had or could ever see myself of meeting that someone which I now, I know I can't ever see that for ever happing to me! Because for what all those pathetic idiots, from my old work had all played with my feelings once again! Which, I know that they had! As, I know that if they hadn't wouldn't have probably grown into caring for Matt, as I did then! As, well as, ending up falling in love with Matt himself! Let alone, that while I was still there, most of those "Barstards" including some my friends from Wackys, had kept telling me, "that how they could definitely see that there was something going on, between both of us! Which I couldn't see!
Because of how at times, while Matt was still there or not, had treated me so differently, to how he was with the rest of the others! Which, was always, like he turned slightly horrible towards me! As if he seemed really cross or mad for no reason with me! Or even got so bloody moody, for no apparent reason! Not to say, that at times, Matt even asked me, "go away from me! While he carried on being oh, so nice with all the rest of the other member of staff! By allowing them, to put their arms around him, in front of me, while he had a little smirk on his face! Which in some ways, I had thought, you're so childish Matt!
Which, at the time was surely was what he was doing! But whenever he had treated me in that way, well that was the only time I had thought also, 'what’s going on with you, Matt? As, well as, wondering why are you like this, to me!
So, the main reason of why I thought, that there was just something about Matt that deep down inside of me knew vaguely like, that he would probably had already started something off in my so crazy blooming life! And romantically-wise! Which I did not expect it to happen! Not forgetting, that I seemed to be always questioning myself about why did they do this to me! Why! As I’ve never in my life had ever felt like this for anyone! But who I have got to say, as now felt something was really starting to happen to me for Matt!
But because I couldn’t explain of how I truly felt at the start, had left me feeling in some ways, confused and mixed-up for Matt! As, it was only later, that I had kept thinking about 'what’s really happening to you, Sandy? And why did those idiots from work all seemed to be acting in this way, towards me! Which, as you know, was making me feel that they were all constantly playing with my emotions over Matt! But most of all, why did all of them, wanted to act in this way, towards me and no one else? As that’s what I would have liked to have known back then!
Anyway, getting straight back to that day that I had told myself that I think 'I needed to be cheered-up a bit! Or if not! Just try to take my mind of knowing that my "darling" Matt, who I had now truly loved so very much, was working his last day with us! Because if I hadn’t gone straight over to see my friends from Wacky's that knew of how I truly felt for Matt! Or even could have had some pretty good idea, of how I was feeling for him in that way, would know in myself, that I would start crying in front of everybody that was around the Kingfisher Centre!
The only thing though, while now I was surrounded by them all, was no matter how they tried to cheer me up or take my mind of Matt, just still couldn't do achieve on helping me! Because as I knew this was Matts last day of working with us! Yes! His last day, that I personally, just couldn't help in forgetting it! But only thinking of him and how I would never see him ever again! Course, I still felt that in any minute now, I was going to pour my eyes out with tears! And if I can recall, this girl had felt it was harder for her to leave at the precise moment, while feeling like this!
As, for my friends there! Well while one of them, Roxie had took me down to their staff-room to try and cheer me up, by who after making me a drink, saw straight away, I had a tear running down from my cheek! But this, was before I had poured my heart out to her over how I really loved Matt so much! And honestly, I did! I had told Roxie how much I was in love with Matt! That she, like the rest of them, afterwards had noticed that by the look on my face, I was definitely hurting! So, after putting her arm around my shoulder, to comfort me, she then noticed by now, that I was definitely crying over Matt so much!
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