Wednesday 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 39



   Chapter 39






 Now, on Valentine’s Day 2009, I thought after losing my beloved dad, as I did, and how it effected me, due to how the rest of them, that calls themselves family, had treated me!  Had so wanted to try and do something to not only cheer myself up!  But also, what was most important to just try to forget that it was coming up to my dads first Anniversary year, of his death!  So, naturally, as it was approaching Valentines Day, on that very first year, I was told by someone else, that if you wanted to, anyone can send anyone a Valentines Card!  As long as, you don't put whose it by!  

 So, what I done around Valentine that year, was get a small blank card, with a small duckling opening their feathers, allowing little red hearts to flutter out from it!  And after going into a small costa coffee shop, around from my work, first wanted to write something down!  That I so had wanted to put into this card for Matt!  But not because of how I was feeling for him!  Why, no!  It was mainly that Matt was the only person that truly made this girl smile so I could probably try to forget, how it was coming up to my dad’s first Anniversary of his death!  And who, till this day onwards, deeply misses my dad so much!

 Anyway, what I so wanted to write down in this Valentine card of mine back then, was, really Brown Eyes!  Brown Eyes!  Where for you, my Brown Eyes?  Followed by, Help! I need somebody!  Help, not just anybody!  Help!  I need somebody!  And that’s you!  Which after asking one of the girl’s that worked there, of what she thought about that?  Really told me, "what you wanted to write for this someone, was, truly a lovely idea!  Which was then, hearing from a complete stranger, who must have overheard us talking, said, “go ahead and write it!  Because, as she added, “you will only have this one chance, in your life time!

 Which may sound nice to hear, coming from someone, I never saw in my life!  But who I then said, “well that’s easy for you to say!  As I continued to add, “but know, if I send this card to this person, well he would probably might get in trouble with the person he could be with!  Which, I wouldn’t dream of doing so!  If that 's the case!  But, still they did tell me two, “just go ahead with writing something, but something else!  So, rather doing that, I just simply written, Guess Who?  In this card!  Because then, this person, you may say, wouldn’t have really known who had sent it to him!  

 Which after remembering!  Of what that someone had once told me like, "whenever Valentines Day draws near, well partially anyone can send a Valentine Card to someone!  "Whether they may be with someone or not!  "You Can!  So, okay!  That's what I did!  I sent Matt this Valentine Card!  But secretly, through a friend!  So, Matt wouldn’t hopefully know, that it was from yours-truly!  And had written guess who?  Backwards!  But, thinking he probably wouldn’t know that who had sent it!  Course, of thinking he would have had loads of other Valentine Cards from others!!! 

 Well, if I can recall!  And this was before he had wondered into my work and did, what he did!  As well as, what he said to me then!  Was going past his work with some old biddy, I couldn't help myself by glancing in!  And as I did!  Well, even though I saw my darling, Matt sitting down, talking away to one of his colleagues!  Had also, suddenly noticed from what I could see, Matt was looking-like he was slightly noticing me!  While I was going past his work, with the most awesome, sexy smile ever to me!  But why?  As, I did wonder!  Then, who I suddenly thought, oh fuck!  I sure hope that no one who knew him, had told him about what I really had wanted to write in that card of mine!

 Because, then, I would be one dead duck!!!  Course, yes!  Even though, I truly wanted to write in that Valentine Card, Brown Eyes!  Brown Eyes!  Where for you, my Brown Eyes?  Followed by, Help!  I need somebody!  Help!  Not just anybody!  Help!  I need somebody!  And that's you!  I didn't!  Because of who I truly thought about how he could be in trouble from that person he was always going out with, at times!  Because saying that!  One minute, we would see him with her!  Then, the next, we would find out that Matts no longer with her!  So, I had put Guess Who?  Backwards!  Course, of  remembering, by that someone that I knew, told me, "anyone can send anyone a bloody Valentine Card though!             

 Only, like I said!  Shortly after I had found out he received that card and then saw Matt had came wondering into our work, not only talking to that wheezily, but pencil-stick aka Bobby, quietly!  But who!  While they were at the front, near to the till, just laughing away, like total idiots, noticed that Matt was slightly glancing over to my direction!  With a shear smile upon his face!  Which at that point, I suddenly paused!  And paused I did!  From what I was doing-like!  Because for when every time I see Matt talking away to Bobby, or simply glancing over to my direction, the guy would always make this girl feel quite nervous and shy in herself!  

 Especially, at that time I had no idea of why he was there!  So, without thinking, I ran straight into the changing-rooms to hide myself, before anything might have happened!   Course, truly the way I had felt was, I sure hoped he hadn’t saw me, while he was talking to Bobby!  Because of sending that Valentine Card of mine!  So, while I thought, good!  He hasn't seen me!  Well, that was when I dashed straight into the changing-rooms to hide myself from him!  But of course, while I was in the fitting-room, trying to hide from my Sunshine aka Matt!  Or more so!  Of trying to stop thinking of about him while I knew he was still there!  Well the answer to that was, I couldn't!  As I’m always thinking of my darling, Matt!

 But, as for thinking he hadn’t really notice me!  While talking to Bobby quietly at the front, followed by a little laugh!  Noticed Matt was actually, glancing over to me!  With what seemed a smile-like!  Well after what seemed, he was waiting near the the fitting-room!  Pretending to look at the trainers!  While I decided to walk out from the changing-rooms!  Thinking,  to myself by now, that he could have gone!  Found out, that I boy!  Was I so wrong!  Course, while I was half way into coming back out from the changing-rooms, had notice first, that there was no sign of the him!  

So, while walking out properly!  Well who should I see, standing right close to the shoes and trainers?   But Matt!  And boy!  Even though, how I always used to feel when I saw him, could say, I wasn't going to like this!  No-sir-re!  I weren't!  As there was that feeling that he really was waiting for me to come back out from the fitting-room!  But why?  As I had wondered, knowing full well, it could be what I thought it was, that Valentine Card of mine!

 Only, if you wanna know something!  While I had slowly walked past him, after coming out of the changing-rooms, and was hoping that he wouldn’t approach me!  Not because I didn’t want him two!  No!  Far from it!  It was just how I spotted him looking at me as he did, with that look!  A look that told me he had anger written on his face!  Which could say, had certainly started to scare me!  So, like I said, as I tried to wonder over to sort some clothes out, well who should approach me?  But yes!  You’ve guessed it!  Matt!  

 Still looking so annoyed!  Which, unfortunately for me, couldn’t walk away from!  As he asked, “did you send me a Valentine’s Card?"  In a anger tone of voice!  Which even though, I did!  Had so tried to pretend that I hadn't!  By saying, “no!  “I didn’t!  Quietly!  Because of the way he was seriously looking at poor me!  Which I may add, felt like I was going to cry!  But I didn't!

 Yet, the more he carried on asking me that question, the more I can honestly say, the guy had made me nervous!  Which eventually, I gave in!  Gave in, by saying, “okay!  “I did!  Which really I didn’t want two!  But honestly, the guy was making me so nervous as well as afraid!  Because no sooner then I had, that you could say, that I regretted in sending him that Valentine Card!  Course, of how he acted towards me for doing it!  And most of all, for what he was saying by simply shouting his mouth off to me!  Even though, I was right close to him!  The guy just wouldn’t stop shouting out, “how dare you do that!    As well as, making it clear to me, "that you know I don’t think of you like that!  “Because I’ve got a girlfriend!  Who he then ended by saying, "I’m engaged two!  Which he then turned quickly around to Bobby, with a sear smirk upon his face!  So, wanted to say, "you (barstard) you!!!  

 *And even though, by now he may have looked calm, but still had wanted to know of what had made me so wanted to do such a thing like that? * Course, just once more, that gob of his, had opened and said, so nastily-like to me, “you knew I don’t feel the same!  Even though, I was really about to tell him the truth!  The guy just would not stop asking me such questions!  By ending up asking me, “so why did you think I would want that?"  Which then Matt had tried to make out by saying, "because of all those times I was trying to be nice to you Sandy!  

 Which was then I stopped him from continuing!  Because of what he was trying to make out to me that he was nice to me, while he use to work with us!  Which in some respect, was a bloody joke!  And so, it was then that I told him straight out, “but when have you ever been nice to me Matt?"  "Hey!  "When?"  Adding, once again, “when?"  Then, who said, "for you were never really nice to me!  "Never!!!  Which was when I could no longer hang around them both!  Because of knowing full well if I had, then I would probably start to cry or even show I was getting upset!

 Now, I'm sure you know that shortly after, while I hid myself in our toilets at this point, I was practically in tears trying to understand of why the Matt had to be that nasty to me!  And okay!  It was all because of that Valentine Card, that I thought I would secretly sent through one of my friends!  But still, come on!  Don’t you think that he could have may well over reacted slightly to my card?  As I know that if that was anyone else, that would send someone a Valentines Card, then I'm sure they would appreciate it!  Not who would get so nasty over it!  

 Because it was only as I was told by that someone that, "anyone can basically send anyone a Valentine’s Card!  Then, to really show up at your work and simply shouting their mouth off to yours-truly, like Matt!  Heard, while I was in the toilets, still crying, the back door to the staff-room sounded it was opening!  As I heard Bobby's voice telling Cilla, who was in the Staff-room of course, about how Matt was towards me!  Said, "you never guess what’s just happened?"  Which was more then less said,  “Matt had just had a right go at Sandy!

 Which no sooner then she had, that mentioned this!  That I was sure that I could just about hear Cilla say, “he loves her really!  Which, what came to mind was, you what!  As for when I eventually came wondering back out, shortly after Bobby went back out!  Noticed just slightly, course, of having my head still low and feeling quite hurt and upset, that Emmitt had wondered in also!  And as he had, he two had went straight over to Bobby!  Who shortly after turned his head around and looked at me with a smile!  A smile that to be perfectly frank, had made me thought, did Bobby say something to him?  Of what just happened?  Well did she!  As there couldn't be any other explanation, if he knew unless, Emmitt had saw Matt before he came wondering into see Bobby!  

  As I was trying to carry on with my work!  But yet, still just couldn’t help myself from looking at whether Emmitt or Bobby was maybe looking at me, because of noticing Emmitt had looked at me in away that made me feel a little nervous!  Course, while I was really trying to carry on working away, by slowly walking around sorting out the clothes out, noticed as I slowly looked up, Bobby and Emmitt was now looking at me with a sear smile upon the faces!  But which Bobby had more then less had gave me that sort of look while she was smiling! 

 Then, while trying to do my work near the entrance, had noticed that suddenly, suddenly Emmitt had first quietly had a word in Bobby’s ear about something!  Something, which I had absolutely no idea of what they could have been talking about!  But more of how he had looked at me, while at the same time, talking to her!  Then, who more the less, turned to Bobby, which then I saw both had strangely embraced each other, smiling!  Which, was the first for me to see!  But who also, was both looking straight at me!  Only why?  As I did wonder!  Then, who Emmitt surprisingly said out loud, but who weren’t looking directly at Bobby, while saying this!  Said, “I love you!  Thinking to myself, well, what was all that about?  Course, there was no way, I love you Emmitt!  No way! 

 Now, for what was all that in aid of I do not know, only that was what he had actually said out loud!  As for thinking he could have said that to Bobby, well he could have!  Course, of  those times they had spent around each other working with us!  Not forgetting, all those Christmas Parties!  But to see them embracing each other as I did, well let’s just say I never really known those two to ever do that!  Not unless, they’ve kept that a secret for so long which they could have done!  But still!  For Emmitt now saying, “I love you,” while embracing Bobby, but not looking at directly at her!  But only looking straight at me! Which had made me think what had peeresses you to saying that, Emmitt? 

 As well as, wondering to myself, while I heard Emmitt saying this!  Or was this some reason, while looking straight at me then Bobby?  Like could have this been some kind of a message from my darling, brown eyes aka Matt!  For not just only trying to apologise for how he had behaved-like to me!  But of whom, was really trying to allow Emmitt tell me something that he wanted to say, but who couldn't!  As it could have found this hard to say himself to me!  Because that might mean, he would have to express his feelings to me!  Which, meant, part of me just couldn’t really imagine that the Matt would ever express those sort of emotions to me!  But still!  That didn’t mean to say, that I couldn’t ever dream about that!  But what if though, he had showed those feelings to me?  Hey!  Just what if?  

 As I’m telling you now, if that would really happen, then that would probably surprise me for sure!  Really it would!  Because of how he made yours truly felt he disliked me!  But as I also said, “if it weren’t for Matt, back then, then I really wouldn't know that I had all those emotions!  Emotions, that deep down, had never knew I had!  Not forgetting, if it weren’t for knowing Matt, then I wouldn’t have known about that Actor, Luke Wilson!  Who even though, he maybe an Actor, thinks she is now totally in love with him also!  Probably even more so, course of how I truly feel for my darling, Matt so deeply!  And who I may say, still do, till this day onwards and for the rest of my entire life!


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