Wednesday 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 28



Chapter 28


                                                                        THE TIME 

                                          I COULD HAVE REALLY NEEDED

                                                      MATT TO COMFORT ME! 

                             DUE, TO KNOWING I'M GOING TO BE LOSING 

                                                                MY DAD


 Only, shortly after Matt had left!  I had found out that my dad, who I really loved so very much and who I was so very close two!  Was sadly diagnose of  having Cancer!  Which had not only left me feeling more upset, then I already was!  Because I really loved my dad!  But who I also felt that after my dad had die, that my life now didn’t seemed to be worth living any more!  

 Which, to some!  May say that sound terrible!  Or even awful to say that, about one-self!  But let me tell you, if anyone like myself, who was so very close to their dad, that died suddenly!  Well just wouldn’t be so surprised how they may feel the same!  As I thought, of losing one person that I loved was bad enough!  But for losing two!  That I loved!  Only, difference was between Matt and my dad, Matt just left work!  Whereas, for my beloved dad, well he had sadly died!

 Because after my dad had died! I didn’t felt that I was now loved or cared from the rest of that family of mine!  Which wasn’t surprising, since they are really a nasty bunch, when they had want to be!  Oh!  They may act like they really cared!  But frankly, saying that, I can reassure you that when they seemed alright!  Well, oh boy!  Was I so wrong!  Course, can they change!  Take for instance, after my dad had died, I really felt so alone!  And I do mean, quite alone now!  

 Because it was only my dad, that showed me he truly loved me!  As well as, giving me the affection that a lot of parents do for their child!  But which once again, of how I was already upset and hurting from Matt’s departure!  Don’t forget!  And because of how I was feeling for Matt around then, still can’t believe that after he left, this girl, had really cried deeply, over him!  For two and a half years!  Because of how I was truly missing him so much!  I mean for every time I thought of him, I constantly had cried!  So, that must have showed that I how much I loved the guy!  And the only other person of how I felt about Matt!  Was, you guessed it?  My beloved dad! 

 Only, when they decided to do this to me, well again, I was so sure of what they didn’t realised was how they use to probably mess around with me!  Even though, I was blind to notice of what they were doing to me then!  Not forgetting, weak!  Because I didn’t really stand up for myself, like I had later on!  So, really, what those Barstards had done was, messed with the wrong person!  Because let’s say, "I’ve got my head screwed-on now!  Meaning, of course, I'm not so stupid now, being older and wiser as people would say!   

 Course, how I look at it now!  As I've now grown into a real woman, well, those days, a lot of girls either think of one thing and one thing only!  Like guys do!  Or most of them, would just simply mock, of how all of us, grew-up!  And believed in!  Course, if one stupid girl sees another, going around with a bloody baby, well, they always seemed to think, I want to have a baby!  Or maybe!  Just maybe, having a baby, the Government would simply give them extra money!  So, that they could probably get themselves a place!  Or!  Or there are still girls out there, that just simply get pregnant to trap the guy!  That they could be with!  Then, say to themselves, "ha! "ha!  "Now, you can’t leave me!  

 Which, as you know, could not call, isn't a proper true, relationship!  But, once again, some nasty creature, as in girls, these days, would decide to play a dirty rotten game with some poor guys life!  So that they won't ever be able to leave their own life!  Thinking to themselves, that if one gets themselves, locked-up as in get themselves pregnant!  For the sake, that the guy can't certainly leave them, for sure!  Course, in my opinion, I don’t think they have any idea, what so ever, that having a baby, would take over their lives!  

 Because some reckons they can still honestly enjoy themselves like those who probably never had kids!  Because, having a child would take certainly take up so much responsibility for both!  So, again, no one in their right mind would truly call a real relationship!  No matter what they think!  By playing a dirty game with the guys life!  So they can’t leave them!  A relationship!  

 Anyway as months past and I was trying to still cope without my dad of not being around in my life any more!  Which was so hard for me especially, as it was coming up to my first Christmas without him!  Because as I said!  Before, me and my beloved dad, who I will always love, with all my heart!  And was so close!  Probably even more so, then maybe the rest of the family!  Whoever they may think!  Or say, if they had heard this!  Even knew full well, that as a young child, I was more closer to my dad then, my sister was!    

 And it was also, to do with the fact, that if anyone had saw my dad’s wallet, that he always had on him!  Well, you would have thought he had a photo of either the Mafia!  Or my evil sister!  Now, wouldn't you?  Well, he didn't!  As my dad had only had pictures of  myself!  Which, showed that how he thought of me!  Because, ever since I can remember, my dad had always carried four or five small photographs of yours truly, in his wallet!  Then, pictures of that Mafia that I was referring to my mum once again!  Or that evil sister!  Which, you would have thought so!  But who didn’t!  Course, of knowing full well, he at times, showed me his wallet!

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