Wednesday, 5 January 2000

Playing Games - Chapter 29


Chapter 29


                                                                THE TIME



                                           WHICH ALL I GAVE THEM WAS

                               "IT'S ME TO KNOW!  AND YOU TO FIND OUT!

 Now, around mid January of 2009, while I was up Town having a drink but also at the same time either drawing or writing away, had noticed to my surprise, while sitting in Esquires Coffee Shop minding my own business, but my darling Matt.  As he was passing by more then once, around Esquires like as if he was doing this on purpose, making yours truly, to wonder, did the guy know that I was there?  Or not!   Because it was the way, he simply looked, as if he was trying not to really glance over to my direction, but yet, he had looked just slightly at me, with that lovely smile upon his face, as well as, it was difficult for me to not just look into those gorgeous deep dark eyes of his.  Which, was a nice feeling for me, course, of thinking that maybe the guy could have came round, because he heard from those other "Morons" from work, that I would have been there.

 But, I had to be realistic, because there may have been a simple explanation of why I just happen to see Matt on that day, then just dreaming, what if I could have thought, Matt had came around and around to just slightly glance to where I was in Esquires?  But, as it wasn’t, well as I said, the next best thing was thinking, oh!  What would it be really like, if the guy had liked me and maybe, might have came over to see me?  But, that was only wishful thinking!  Course, to see someone like him, possibly liking me, well, that was a big No! No! In my mind, because I'm not blonde, as he once kept saying, over and bloody over as well as, pretty!  

 The following day when I had the day off and like always, went straight over to my regular coffee venue to have a drink, well only as I was approaching, came across one of my friends who was just one, that happen to know, of what I went through at work, while those were still around including himself, did to me.  So, after saying, “hello,” to each other, joined me in having a coffee in Esquires, only while talking, what I can’t remember exactly was whether I had started the conversation about him or whether she did by asking me something about him!

 But whoever had started talking about Matt, had showed my friend this film that I recently brought from W.H SMITH because on the front of this cover, it had some Actor, that I’ve never heard of or ever seen before, but what took me, by complete surprise, who had really resembled.  For whoever this Actor was, had nearly made yours truly fall over herself, because of the likeness or if you want to put it in another way, it was how he looked the spitting image of Matt!  Which, I just got to admit it, when I first saw this particular film, on display in the shop, not just nearly fell over herself , like I said, but who did actually thought, that this Actor, whose name was "Luke Wilson" was Matt!  And I’m not kidding either!

 Because, what was going through my mind right then and there, was besides thinking, was that Matt?  Thought, how this was very uncanny-like to discover now, of all times, that Matt had a double look-alike of himself.  But going back to having a coffee with my friend on my day off, which it was shortly after I had brought that film that took me by complete surprise, because of that certain Actor, "Luke Wilson" which while getting it, couldn’t help herself by asking the shop Assistant that served me, “who is Luke Wilson?"  Then asking them, “because that can’t be someone that’s called, "Luke Wilson" as I know this person!

 Anyway, while we talking away, still about Matt, well after my friend asked me, “did I know where they were working now?"  Well, at that point, I had, unlike before.  So, after telling my friend of where-about Matt had worked and where exactly, well she had offered to take me over there, to maybe see, if he was at work on that day.  Which was so nice of her to offer!  Because on the way there, even though what she was doing, was extremely thoughtful, it had actually put a smile on my face course, of now, I was feeling nervous inside of me, as well as, knowing soon, I may see him! 

 Which yes!  Knowing him, it will certainly bring my shyness out of me, like he always had because of just glancing into those lovely, lovely big brown eyes of his.  So, when we arrived at where Matt worked, well, course I was getting slightly nervous of whether I might see him had first took my film out from my bag, to show my friend once again, that if Matt was there that this Actor, was just identical to him, so she will again, know of what he looked like if she went on in, on my behalf to see if he was around.  Which she had!

 As for myself, while I saw her go in well I waited for her outside near a coffee shop that was just opposite to his work.  And when my friend, Katie had came wondering back out, she first told me, "he was in there," but before I went in which was the whole idea may I add, asked my friend, “whether we could just nip into the coffee shop to have a drink?"  Which we did, but while we sat to drink it near to the window, talking away, of how it was uncanny this Actor was just identical to Matt, well being who she is, my friend looked out of the window and noticed someone looking at me!  And I certainly do mean, how they were staring straight at our direction, but who didn't seemed to look as if they were glancing to Katie while they were inside first, at their desk.   Course, as Katie noticed while simply looking out, the door was wide open to his work and could definitely see Matt was really looking straight at us, but was he?  As Katie then, said while still staring out of the window that, “he seems to be he's looking at you more then me! 

 Only, as Matt was the one that had always brought my old true self back out from within myself, because I was a very shy person, then being my normal self as I was, well something in me just couldn’t look out from the dam window to see if it was him that was watching me.  Then all of sudden, Katie said, “don’t look now, but is that him?"  As she saw him first walking out of the door, but standing looking directly at the window of where we were.  Then, who really seemed to be looking straight at me.  And then, who had went straight over to their boards, to straighten it out, that’s if he really was coming out to do that?  Because what my friend had really reckoned to all this was he must have really come out to do that as a excuse because all that he was doing was look at me more closely but who knows on that score?  Because he really could have gone out to straighten that board nevertheless of what my friend had said!

 But still!  While doing so, my friend did say, “you can look now, Sandy, as he’s not looking?"  Which as I slowly turned my head, had definitely noticed, it was Matt that was trying to straighten this board out, whether he had pretended or not, it was him, alright!  And who I can say, had put a smile on my face.  Yet, after we both walked out, after finishing our drinks, my friend, Katie had then, asked me, "well shall we go on in then?"  "In!  As I said, course, of wondering for a brief moment, I just didn’t know what she was talking about, until, the penny had dropped!  

 And even though how much I may have wanted to see him again, as I really did, well I don’t think that I was quite ready.   Not because I didn’t wanted two, but I think maybe it was to do with my nerves, that got to the better of me, more than anything!  Because of knowing that I was that close, of really getting to see him, after all this time.  But as Katie said, “well if you don’t want to go on in, then we’ll go."  Made me think, 'oh!  'Just go in Sandy!  Just go on in! 

 So, eventually, as we entered, Katie first, then myself, I did notice from the far corner, someone that could have been Matt, but who as always, was facing the back from me, talking to a customer, which if you ask me, probably was him, since Katie had not long really entered his work to see if he was in or not.  Looked around, making a slight fool of the both of us even though, I wasn’t doing anything really, I occasionally tried to glance over to the other side of the room, where this person could have been Matt, only something really just wouldn’t allow me to do so, because as I went all shy and bashful!  

 So, I ran out, leaving Katie who was still looking around, because of knowing that if I didn’t would either embarrass myself or make a complete fool of myself, because of just trying to see him, that was standing in the far corner talking to someone!  But before, I had, one of Matt’s colleagues had come over to see if we needed some assistance?  Which, it was shortly after I couldn’t stick around as I said, as well as, who dashed straight out!  But that doesn’t mean to say, I left Katie in that respect, because I couldn’t, as she driven us there!  But who really needed to pop straight out for a brief moment, found herself just going to that very spot, where Matt had tried to straighten that one board out, or had he pretended that he had earlier that day, with a smile on his face, while myself, at the same time, was still inside the Coffee Shop with Katie near to the window.

 Now, after sorting myself out, by stopping myself from laughing to myself, after dashing out, leaving Katie on her own, talking away, to herself, course of still thinking I was near to her, could say, that was just another thing, Matt could always achieved on doing, while he was still working with us.  Because, unexpected like, the guy, had always managed to make this girl laugh by what he was doing, which could be practically anything.  So, after walking back in, where I left Katie looking around the Mobile Phones, still talking to herself, noticed it was where Katie had realised to herself, that I wasn’t around, as she asked me, “where have you been Sandy?"  Which, after answering her, found out from her, “well it’s just I’ve been talking to myself, as I thought you were hare!

 Only really, if you must know, while Katie was telling me this, I still couldn’t help myself from turning slightly around, to see this guy, that was still facing from the back of me, course, just wanted to see him.  And really after what everything that happened to me, with my dad who I will always love, thought, I could need a bit of cheering up!  So, while looking to where Matt was, still thought, 'oh!  If only things could have been different between us, Matt!  As for after Katie and myself left his work, one of us had thought, instead of going home now, well, why don't we both go back into that very same coffee shop that we were in before?  But saying that now, I do believe, it was myself, that asked Katie that, “could we possibility go back in for another drink?"  Because I think I needed it, as for Katie, well she had no quarrels with me, for wanting to go back in!

 As for I when I got into work the following day, nothing was said about what I did on my day off, so I carried on working, that was until Wednesday aka Bobby had approached me to ask, “so Sandy, did you do anything nice yesterday, on your day?"  Which, after I replied, by smiling, “well, one of my friend’s had took me out for the day."  She then first said, “oh!  “Like where did she take you?"  Answered, “well it’s me to know and you to find out!   Which Bobby then said, with that look of surprise, “oh!  “And why not Sandy?"  Replied back, “because I don’t want to that’s why!   Which, if you saw Bobby’s face then, could even probably think, to herself, that she had looked a little bit curious into knowing, why I wouldn’t tell her, of where my friend Katie had took me, the day before.

 But while she had looked-like she could have been just the slight bit curious of not knowing, Cilla, who had now took over as the Manager from that "Big Fat Baboon" that I had earlier, didn’t want to think of, let alone who I really didn't want to talk of, because once again, it was what they had done to yours truly, whilst I was most vulnerable, but who I was still very much upset as well who was hurting, over Matt’s departure, had approached us.   As she first, wanted to know of what all the commotion was about!  

 As well as, like Bobby, Cilla who look-like a "thin, but slightly tall Plastic dolly, that, if a child could get hold of it, wouldn't be at all surprised, that they would want to bend it's thin lanky legs, like it was doing the splits, as well as, try to even twist it's bloody arms apart, so it would break" had also, found out that I wouldn’t tell, them of, “why, don’t you want to tell us Sandy?"  Which for the final time, told them, “because I just don’t, that’s why."  Then, told them, “as it’s me to know and you to find out!

 Then later while Cilla was in the back taking her break well who do you reckon that should be wondering in?  But Matt!  Who, as soon as I saw him, couldn’t help in trying to avoid by going near the back.  Only, that didn’t quite work, course, after talking quietly to Bobby, he approached me, by asking, “was that you I saw coming into my work yesterday Sandy, with that woman?"  But before I could say a word in, Bobby came to find what was going on!  Though, no sooner then she had then I had my chance to escape from answering his question or was it from him?  As I do believe it was really from him, then from answering questions.

 But for answering to his question if I had, well I do think he knew perfectly well, that it was me and like I said, after seeing him talking quietly away, in the far corner to Wednesday aka Bobby, first looked at me, while still chatting, giving me, the idea, that she probably told him of my dad had sadly died, and as for herself, well now, she knew of where I had been.  So, as I was intending to do so, before Matt came wondering towards me in the way he had like he needed to get something off his chest, which is an expression of saying I want to ask you something?  Tried to avoid him, by going nearer to the back, to do some work!  

The only thing though, knowing he was there at the front, talking to Bobby, just couldn’t help myself, from glancing over to where he was, every now and again.  Which when I did, was really surprised to notice Matt was looking straight at me with those gorgeous dark brown eyes and a slight smile.  But all that I could think of at this time, by now, was if Bobby knew now of where I was yesterday, well for trying to keep that a secret from all those other Muppets, as now definitely gone out through the bloody window!

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